𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄 -JEY USO

26

She knew she would eventually need to open up to him about some of her inner battles, but she kept it all to herself for so long she almost didn't even know how. 

She listened to the steady thump of his heart that slowly but gradually calmed her nerves.

Muttering an 'ok', she mentally encouraged herself to be open and transparent with him.

Sitting up she turned her body to him, as he remained laid back on the swing.

"So obviously everyone knows I'm way more on the introverted side," she starts off saying to which he nods.

"Well I'm usually that way because I deal with alot of anxiety like alot, just sometimes I could be so in the moment and happy with my friends and then slowly I start to slip away."

"Worse part is I know when it started, you know most people that develop it over time but I know exactly when my mind just switched off and blocked out everyone."

"When did it start?"

"When I was 9 but there is some backstory to it. So my mom is from the Caribbean, Trinidad to be exact, and when she was 17 she moved to Washington to stay with family on an English scholarship, there she met my dad and one thing led to the next and they had me. Anyway, when she had to move back home she took me with her and life where we lived was hard. She had no one, her family cut her off after they found out she was pregnant, she worked 3 to 4 jobs to make money for us. Then she met this guy, Jason, and he was perfect at first, he gave us a new place to stay with him, for five years he spent chasing after my mom, he'd even pick me up from school and give me random presents so I'd be happy to let him take my mom on a date. I started to see him as my dad. Then it all went south, it was my nineth birthday but it was all off. My mom was distracted and fidgeting all the time like she was scared of something. The party went on but I always noticed how he'd be close to her in a more possessive way. Then around five in the evening after playing bounce house with some old friends I went inside for some water since we were all out of it outside. When I did, I saw my mom up against the wall and he had his hands around her throat. My mom saw me first and waved her hands low telling me to go back outside. Reluctantly, I listened and they didn't come out the house for another 30 minutes. And in those 30 minutes my heart was tight, I wanted to throw up all the cake I ate and I bursting into cold sweats like I was sick. Everyone was asking me if I was alright but I just told them I was tired from running and playing. It was the feeling of it all, watching everyone having so much fun around me but i was lost in my head, so far away from the event."

"When she did come out she had a substantial amount of makeup on. She never wore make up in general and she told me not to talk about it. I spent the rest of the night watching her and everyone. And one think about Caribbean people, their expression tell a story. Every person knew one way or the other what had happened. And no one did anything. They stayed together for about 10 years before i was able to get her out of there."

"After that I was always on edge. I'm pretty sure that got me into some terrible situations after that but I lived you know. I survived. My mom made sure he never hit me but it didn't matter if he did. I always heard, I always saw and I always felt helpless about it. The one time I stepped in she begged him not to touch me, thankfully he didn't but damage mentally was already done."

She hadn't realized she started crying until Jey, who was now seated up wiped the tears off her face gently.

Letting out a bitter chuckle she shook her head, "all these years later and I'm still crying about it."

"Its OK to cry about it. No one should ever go through what you did, or your mom." Jey replies providing some comfort.

"Have your ever tried to figure out why, or see someone who could help?" He then asks.