Dreams - LarryStylinson_read

~🌹Fantasy's aren't real🌹~

I was sat in my chair listening to my music with my friend Jay my eyes drifting to Bluey. I think he'd never like me and that's getting more okay for me but of course I'd still dream about it wishing upon anything or anyone to make it possible. Sometimes I'd like to pretend that he never exists but that's impossible considering I see him everyday and I he is my friend who I talk to every day more than once so I try to pretend I don't like him, but again it's hard. I've never  loved anyone as much as I loved him. I'd always zone out in class fantasizing about him... his arms wrapping around me from behind his soft lips on my cheeks, my palms, his hands gently caressing my own, being placed on my cheeks wiping the tears from my cheeks. My mind is all over the place whenever I think about him and how he makes me feel because I know he's never gonna like me not even once nor will he ever be mine, it's becoming easier to accept that's but still my love for him feels eternal and for being so young it also feels wrong he makes me feel so many good and bad things just for being in my heart. He took it without realizing and he has me captive he could ask me to do something as simple as borrowing a pencil or as crazy as stealing, just for him I'd say yes. "Giselle, you okay?" Jay asks and my mind wanders back and I turn to her and smile. "Yep I just slept late and i'm tired." its true but not why I zoned out but I don't like talking about Bluey like this it feels like i'm a bother to my friends and they are tired of hearing me yap about my feeling for him. Both good and bad. 

~.~.~

I was sat in my bed the time currently 1:36 am. I couldn't sleep. I held my phone in my hands searching for what to do but there wasn't anything to entertain me, or take my mind off Bluey. I would just stay and lay awake wishing and hoping for anything or anyone to cast some sort of spell or whatever because I love being his friend but I wanted more of course considering my feelings but I don't feel it being a normal crush. He's my everything but hes just a friend. I love him but I known nothing about him. Except for somethings he'd share things that are very private and it was great he trusted me so much to tell me things about him not even closes friends new. I knew nothing would ever give him some sort of feelings for me an it hurt but I was somehow okay with it. I don't know how or why but I feel like I've been able to be okay with the fact he has a girlfriend or that he won't ever see me as more just as I see him. I like to think it's because i'm moving on but I know that's not true. I gaslight myself and tell everyone that i'm moving on but i'm not I just shut down. I keep a smile and laugh so believable no one knows that I've shut down just to not feel this shitty over a boy. I make it better by fantasizing about him thinking how happy i'd be with him and how much love i'd pour out for him. Fantasy's arent real though.