It Consumes Me

All the boys erupted in laughter. I laugh too, trying to shake it off. But how could he say that? Everyone is laughing at me. When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE. I look around the room and my eyes fill with tears. I get up off the couch quickly and head for the door.

I get halfway down the sidewalk in full on tears when I hear him. "NO! PLEASE! I CAN EXPLAIN!"

"It's over!" I shout. "I'm Done!"

"Reagan, stop," he grabs my arm and turns me around to face him. I throw my head into my hands because I don't want him to see me like this. Even though, he doesn't care. That doesn't mean that I stopped. I just can't believe I let him do that to me.

"I'm so sorry," he says. His voice is soft and pleading.

"You put a bet on me!" I yank my arm away. "The whole thing was a joke and an act and you know it!" I accuse him. My voice is thick with emotion and my hands are balled up hard.

I step back as I feel the anger rising in me. I don't want to hit him but at the same time I want to punch all his teeth out so that he can never say another mean word about me. It's dark outside. The street lights are glowing yellow and orange but the colors blur together because of my tears.

 "You thought it would be fun to make a fool out of me? You thought it would be cool to make me fall for you and then break my heart and humiliate me!? I've been falling for you from the very beginning!!" I yell back. I didn't mean for that one to slip out. I sigh. More ammunition to shoot me down.

I shake my head and begin to turn. "Congratulations. You win. I don't want to be a part of your little game anymore, okay?"

I force one foot in front of the other. The space between us is killing me. I don't want to be so far from him. I don't want to walk away. But I know I can't stay.  Not after this.

"You wanna know something?" he says as he walks towards me, closing the gap.

"No, I don't want to know," I say it but I don't move. I want him to want me the way that I want him. I just want him to say that and then everything will be okay. 

That's all I need to hear.

"Reagan," he says as he walks right up to me. He pulls me around to face him. He puts his hand on my face, gently, and wipes away the tears. I look up into his eyes. Blue and tempting, like a large river to a young child. 'Come to me,'says the river. 'I want to drown,' says the child. He is the river.

"I love you so much it consumes me. I'm sorry that I couldn't say it sooner but it's true. I love you."

He leans in. I am the child leaning in too, to touch the water. I don't want to believe him because I might get hurt even more. I want to fight the pull but I can't. I close my eyes and let myself fall into the river. And drown.