⚠️INTERNET BOMBS⚠️

Alex Kister

He would tell me that he would masturbate several times a day to my photos and messages before we opened up sexually while implying non-con fantasies he would do to my clothing if we never opened to each other. He would later on confess to wanting to wear my clothing before we opened up as well. Everything about me was sexualized heavily over time including my face, my voice, and any clothing that I would wear. It ruined the way I viewed myself and how I viewed romance.

I tried to accept that this was normal and would consent to it, but it was only after the fact he would confess these things to me. These behaviors are extremely unhealthy habits and showed he hardly had any self-control. He confessed to me (in a call) that he would have fantasies about others, especially about their clothing.

Pt 0.5

The aftermath of the breakup would strain our connection over time. Alex had broken up with me over text and mentioned he was not feeling any romantic tension between us. It was a noticeable gradual issue that our messages would mainly consist of sexting and it had less of that romantic feeling it had in the beginning. I tried to suggest activities we could do to build that connection again, but I never really got an answer for this, even when we called I felt like it was brushed over easily.

(These surviving screenshots are from when I was talking to a friend).

Pt 1

After I implied my fears of being used for sexual purposes in a relationship, Alex suggested that being friends with benefits would fit us better. I caved in because I was still very much in love with him and would have done anything for him.

Pt 2

Afterward, I had such bad anxiety because I felt extremely dumb for accepting that title after I explained that I felt like my main purpose was to give sexual pleasure. It was worsened by the fact that Alex would tell me that he considered us soulmates and still wanted to say "I love you" but it does not hold any ground when you're in a relationship. He also allowed us to explain this to our close friends. This just felt extremely careless.

I called Alex to discuss the future of our relationship which led to us officially breaking up. In that call, I also told him that it just seemed like he had lost feelings for me. He then said no, and explained the issue is with him needing help. He would try to seek help for issues about his sexual behavior and lack of self-control.

This is a recording of what I was reading to Alex that came from my notes app.

After we broke up, Alex would come, asking me to delete any messages and photos I had of him. I would automatically delete those photos when we broke up, but it is the level of paranoia that he had that would make me feel guilty for being close to him. I felt like I encouraged a horrible behavior that he had been struggling to control for a long time. I would have to reassure him for a good while because he was afraid of people finding out what he enjoyed.

Before I even deleted his phone number, we would discuss about him getting a therapist to control these thoughts and guilt. This became a lot more frequent over time and I felt like I became more of a therapist rather than a friend.

(The first messages he would send to me on his new phone would be about this entire situation)

Pt 3

I spoke up about having an issue with being seen more as a therapist rather than a friend. I felt like we had less of a connection with each other and my only purpose was to help him. It did offend me when he would come to me for reassurance but wouldn't return the same gesture. Before this, I had just vented to him and was met with silence until I started this conversation.

(These are just from memory) There would be several moments where he would be active elsewhere while I was venting or even attempting to talk to him. I wouldn't be offended if it wasn't a recurring issue. I mentioned being a rebound because I found in our old messages about him being happy that I was able to fill a void. I would feel guilty for accusing him of having malicious intent.