A Midsummer Night's Deal - Thomas Shelby x OFC - Peaky Blinders

11.

She wanted to ask more but the change in his posture made her reconsider her next question.

"Somedays I feel like this feeling never fades or dims, it seems like all I do is hurt." Leonor took a deep breath, placing the glass on top of her knee. "All the time."

Thomas nodded, knowing the feeling all too well. "Losing a loved one is hard."

"I didn't lose anyone, they were taken from me. From us." Leonor's face turned from compassion to sadness to anger, to hope. "Does...does ever get better?"

"No."
Thomas wasn't one to sugarcoat, but he noticed how the hope quickly vanished from her face. "It gets easier, not better."

He didn't know if he was lying to her or telling the truth, truth is, nothing ever got easier for him.

"I suppose it would be easier if you knew that the people behind it got what they deserved."
Leonor spoke with a low trembly voice, looking down as she played with the golden cross around her neck. "I still wonder."

"Last time I heard, those bastards were arrested and brought to law."

She scoffed, putting the glass aside as she stood up. "Justice by law? No, I want justice by men."

He lowered his eyes to her neck, chuckling as he picked up the cross. "I thought you Catholics believed in God's forgiveness. That you would pray the anger away, talk to God."

"I did." She followed his eyesight, pulling his hand away. "Spoke to Him."

"And?"

"He didn't speak back." Leonor shrugged, her eyes lowering to the gun on his desk, before patting his shoulder. "But you did, so...thank you for talking to me, Thomas."

Thomas checked his watch, realizing the sun was almost rising. "Seems the day is set to be sunny."  She half smiled at his comment, feeling excited by the possibility of soaking up the sun again, almost jumping in her spot before turning on her heels towards the door. "Happy birthday, Len."

All three words that left his lips were more than enough to make her stop on the way. She decided to begin with the one that shocked her the most.

"Len?" Leonor turned around, crossing her arms, and raising her brows. "Are we on to pet names now?"

Thomas didn't expect her to dangle on that, so he dismissed her by handing her a velvet box, to which she paid no mind, but took it anyway. "Yes, I can't be seen using your whole name and title, like a fucking common man."

She fully laughed at his statement, drying a tear that had escaped from the corners of her eyes, even though those tears weren't from laughter.
"Well done, Mr. Shelby. For a moment I almost forgot why you married me."

It was a jab at their previous argument, where he had been so rude that Leonor felt like she could never look at him the same again. And any other time Thomas would have no problem talking back to her or giving her a piece of his troubled mind.

But it was her birthday and for what he had planned later in the evening, he needed her in a good and pleasant mood.

"Off to bed, eh?" He asked, leading her out of his office. "It's your birthday, you get to sleep in if you want."

Leonor hugged him, lacing her arms around his waist so tight that he felt it on his ribs. "Can I ask you something?"

Thomas felt the shiver across her body, claded with a silk robe. He brought his hand to her back, as an attempt to soothe her sudden cries.

"Ask."

"I know it's foolish to expect anything from this marriage, I'm not stupid or naive to hope anything but...I don't have anyone to talk to."

His mind went towards the staff, Mary, Ada, anyone would have a better way with words than him. At least that was what he had heard from his family or previous marriages.

"I don't mean idle talk, lady talk." Leonor stuffed her face into his chest, the crying that she held back coming up like a fever. "I mean real, meaningful things."

"That's all you want?" He had asked, the same way you ask a child in a crying fit, where you would offer almost anything to make it stop. "To talk? We can fucking talk." It was an offer Thomas wasn't sure if he would be able to keep.
"No need for this, eh?" It was a mixture of feelings across his mind as she squeezed him harder and shivered against his chest. At first it was uncomfortable, invasive but now the warmness of her skin began to become pleasant, inviting.

"You want a noble wedding, you can have it, I know how this works. It's all for appearances and necessity, we don't have to be faithful to each other, most couples aren't, even common couples." She was running over her words and Thomas had agreed up to this point, as a typical hypocrite man from his time, that he could step over the sacred line of marriage, but of course, this idea was off-limits to his wife.

"Slow down-"

"But I want you to care or at least try to, I'll do the same for you, I'll try...because...I need to face the truth, you are all I have now." Leonor interrupted him and then looked up, her cheeks wet and warm as she stared at him, the realization sunken in.
She had her own sort of Grace, so she knew what she was asking of him.

Her arranged marriage in Spain was to someone she grew to care for, to love. Something rare for her kind, as Thomas liked to say.

To have a marriage out of love and duty was the best of both worlds, she was indeed lucky and very much aware of that fact. But now, it was in the past, he was taken from her.

And let's face it, Thomas didn't held the monopoly of tragic love, even though sometimes he was too selfish to see that.  "This isn't about feelings, it's about survival."

"Survival is something I can understand." Thomas took a sharp breath, pushing her against his chest, breathing in the scent of her hair. It was sweeter than Lizzie's, no smell of liquor or smoke to cloud it and he tried to compare it to the other, but to his horror, it seemed he had begun to forget it. Thomas closed his eyes and breathed harder, but still nothing.

"So we have a deal?" She asked, her arms still around him, but not as tight anymore. "Tom?"

His icy blue eyes opened up, and he released her, for a second, her voice almost became identical to Grace's, but the dark hair cascading down her shoulders quickly reminded him she was someone else.

"Yeah...to try to care."

"You can deal with the details later if you want."
At least her sense of humor remained untouched, even if he could still feel the wetness of her tears on his chest.

"Clever little thing, eh?" Before he could process what he was doing, his lips lazily landed on the top of her head and Thomas wondered if Leonor was going to complain and push him away, but instead, the arms around his waist, pressed harder against his ribs.

...you couldn't blame them for not trying.

green is the fresh emblem of well founded hope. in blue the spirit can wander, but in green it can rest

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