In which Lee Haechan considers the end of a relationship with Mark Lee and how it affects his world. He portrays their deep sorrow and desire for the person who used to be the center of his universe. Haechan and Mark's story illustrates the anguish...
اوووه! هذه الصورة لا تتبع إرشادات المحتوى الخاصة بنا. لمتابعة النشر، يرجى إزالتها أو تحميل صورة أخرى.
I want to ask if you still feel the same level of love for me.
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HAECHAN'S POINT OF VIEW
Before we ended up, you were giving me a cold atmosphere, avoiding me, and making me wonder if you still treated me as your boyfriend. I was additionally pondering if I ought to say those three words, and if it is tough for you to feel them. We've known one other for a long time, yet our connection appears to have stagnated throughout the years. When will this be stopped?
I was always looking at the bright side even if there's a huge wall that divides us. Maybe you were just having an awful day, that you needed a break from everything, that you just wanted me to spend quality time with you, or that you were just missing me. I know things seem ridiculous, but if you delve deeper, you will see that I am breaking apart. I want our relationship to be how it was before.
Regardless of how hard I try, I can't figure out what's going on with us. You were making me look ludicrous but the feelings I have for you have not changed at all. Each time I say "I love you," it feels weighty on my chest. It's only a common word, so why is it so hard? You appeared to take me for granted, considering that I am always there for you; nonetheless, you were incredibly torpid.
You made me suffer a long time, leaving me empty and numb before you opened out. Have you waited for that moment? Did you wait until I felt so empty for myself before taking a step forward? I was blind to sense that move, knowing that I continue to hold out hope that this relationship may be fixed. I chose to keep my grip on it even though my hand was bleeding and damaged. However, you were the first to let me go.
Every time we go out, I'm overwhelmed with happiness. It fills me with enthusiasm. Even though I've always seen you're not having as much fun as you used to. I couldn't see your enjoyment while you were around me, making me question if you were cheating on me. But I chose to ignore the thought because I knew you would never do it. Damn, I was fucking shallow, right? I look like an idiot when I talk to you; it's as if I'm talking to a wall.
❝Do you still love me like before, Mark?❞ I'm so childish to ask that kind of question.
❝I... I don't know Haechan.❞
❝Is there– Someone else?❞
❝No, I am not seeing someone else.❞
❝THEN TELL ME WHAT'S HAPPENING! Why can't you see it...? Aren't those enough for you?! You're making me so idiot!❞
I can't help but cry all over again. Why does it feel like it's a one-sided relationship?
❝. . . Loving you is getting harder and hurt,❞
❝Just... Give me time—❞
❝Time? What for, Mark? Why... Why do I feel like... Ugh.❞
This has to be getting dull. I want this to stop. I can't breathe again. It's always like this... There's a big rock that's digging my chest hard and deep.
❝. . . Are you happy to see me like this? Does it give you satisfaction seeing me falling apart?❞
Letting you go does not exist to me. I kept on holding on even if it caused me so much damage. I tried so hard to cope with everything just to love you.
❝. . . Why are you doing this to me?❞
After a week, you came to me about breaking up. I knew this was going to happen, and it was my fate right now. We're both struggling; if you're tired, how am I? I am meaningless. When you stated you tried to fight that relationship, I'm uncertain whether I'm still blind, but it's vivid that you didn't fight for us. I WAS; I was the only one who fought.
Do you feel bad about being worn out? Is that why you ended things with us? Why...? Do you ever think about me? Do you even think that I'm not getting buggered? But did I let you go? We have been through all of this, we used to think why did we start this relationship?
