Goodnight and Go [H.S.]

VI

"And you want to say I'm selfish," I continue after a moment, moving to sit up straighter. "But don't you think I'm actually selfless? If I were truly selfish like you wish to claim I am, I would've told Harry how I felt a long time ago. I wouldn't have cared about Gwen's feelings, or ruining their relationship. So no, I'm not selfish."

"I called you selfish because you continue to treat your friendship with Harry like you always have when you know you're trying to hang onto it for deeper reasons," she snaps. I curl my fingers into the skirt of the dress I'm wearing to keep myself grounded. "That is selfish, Carter. That's selfish when it comes to Harry, but most importantly, Gwen.

"I still don't know what I saw outside during the engagement party that night, and you don't understand the guilt that I hold for not telling Gwen about it, but I'd like to believe that Harry wouldn't do that to her. You on the other hand, I'm not so sure about. The fact that you asked him to stay at your place after his bachelor party tells me all that I need to know. I know what your intentions were with him that night, and it's disgusting. You hoped that by getting him alone with just the two of you that you could finally make your move. When Gwen told me he stayed with you, I was sick over it. Harry assured her that nothing happened, and I believe him, but your hopes of what could've happened still stand."

Part of me wants to scream at her. I want to just tell her that something did happen between us, and that Harry was just as much a part of it as me - that it would've kept going had he had not fucked it up. I want to tell her that Harry admitted that he had feelings for me at one point, so this whole thing wasn't just one sided. This isn't all on me like her and Gwen want it to be so desperately to be.

"You saw nothing the night of the engagement party - nothing along the lines of what you think. You saw two best friends terrified of the change that they knew was coming, and how they didn't want to lose each other. Things have changed since that night, and I no longer feel that way," tears begin to burn in my eyes, but my voice remains steady. "I've already talked to Harry, and I told it would be best if we truly do start to separate ourselves from each other. I'll come over and hang out with him and Gwen at the house, and I'll see them at holidays, but outside of that, we will no longer communicate in the way that way used to.

"My reason for having him stay at my place after his bachelor party was to make sure that he didn't pay a ridiculous amount of money for an Uber. His intention was to stay for a while until the prices died down, but he ended up falling asleep on the couch. I got him settled and then I slept in my own bed. Alone. I was looking out for my friend. Besides, Gwen already made a comment about it, and she told me she was happy I stopped him from paying the price of the Uber. This whole situation has already been settled with the person it needed to be settled with. That person is not you."

My mother keeps her eyes on me as she pushes herself out of her chair and walks over to me. I can't help but cower away a bit, a little unsure of what she could do now that she was standing in front of me like this. She's never been one to put her hands on me, but I've also never mouthed off at her the way that I have tonight.

"I'm warning you right now, Carter. If you do anything, and I mean anything, to compromise your sister's day tomorrow - your place in this family may end up looking a little different."

I keep my eyes on her back as she walks out of the room, and I blink - sending the tears that had been threatening this whole time down my cheeks. Trying to keep my breathing steady, I form my lips into an 'o' shape and breathe out slowly before taking in a deep breath through my nose. I cup the end of the bed in my hands, and I close my eyes. I move my neck from side to side to try to work the tension out from being so stiff with her here, and I know the only thing that can really help me right now is a hot shower.