Today In:

Percy Might Be Fatigued

My tired eyes stare out the window to a rainy afternoon. It seems like the sky feels the same way I do, like it was crying the tears I never could. I let out a sigh. My room is the only place I can get a sense of self, the only place I can breathe. But I can't stay here for too long; someone somewhere would need me to do something.
I need to be in the living room, in a communal area because "you'd seem antisocial and rude," I recall being told. I shake my head and scoff. Sometimes I just wish I could be truly alone. Self sufficient and independent, with no extra responsibilities Nobody understands it, and that unfortunately includes me. I wish I could understand myself, that would be so great.

"Wallowing in self pity again, are we?" I hear a voice in my head. I close my eyes and enter my imaginative space, and to no surprise I see Jack with his shirt untucked and hands in his pockets, staring at a picture of a sunset.

"I'm tired, Jack. You know I am," I say, not willing to tolerate his attitude.

"I know. You seem to forget we share the same head, Percival."

"With you around, I doubt anyone could." I retort, slightly annoyed. But between the rain outside my window and the voice inside my head, I'm too tired to feel anything much. I let out another sigh and rub my face.

"Do you want me to take over? You do have things to do," Jack suggested.

"Thanks, but I think I'll manage. It's not urgent so it's fine," I reply. Well, thinking about it, I honestly wouldn't mind him handling things for a while. I hear a knock on my door and quickly pick up the book I set aside a while ago, pretending to read.

"Hi dear," Zeke says softly while walking in.

"Hey." I reply rather dryly.

"Hi, how are you?" He asked as he closed the door behind him.

"I'm fine, thank you. How are you?" My voice sounds unusually boring, I wonder why. I know I'm tired but not that much...

"Are you sure?" He asks while looking at me. "I am tired and have a headache, but all that aside I am fine."

"You should rest, Zeke." I suggest. I know I love him and I enjoy his company, but right now I just wish he'd leave me alone. I don't want him to go, why am I pushing him away?

"I haven't been able to relax with this headache really, so resting feels a bit restless if that makes sense."

"I see... I'm sorry there isn't much I can do," I speak formally. "I truly wish you well. If there is anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to tell me." I don't know why I'm being so edgy.

"You are not okay are you?" He walked over to me and hugged me. I hardly return the gesture, even though I really want to.

"I said I'm fine, didn't I?" Why am I getting irritated?

"Yeah... you're fine," he chuckled. "You are sounding like you are talking to some corporate bastard," Zeke laughed. "Makes me wonder whether it is Jack,"

"Corporate bastard? Nah, more like customer service," I joke. I could hear Jack in my head saying he could come up with something better but I narrowed my eyes at him and ignored him.

"It's alright if you don't want to tell me, Percy. I couldn't fix it anyway." Zeke says.

"You could say that about anything and it would be true," I think out loud.

"We're stubborn aren't we?"

"As a donkey," I smile.

"What are you reading?" Zeke asks as he pulls up a chair and sits on the other side of my desk.

"Just another whodunit, this time in a boarding school."

"Sounds interesting," he said flatly. I smile, knowing he isn't the least bit interested in it, he just wanted to talk to me. I'm really grateful for him, Zeke is really special to me. I look at his raven hair falling in waves past his shoulders, stark against the white of his peasant blouse as he stares out the window as well.

"Hey rose? Have you- oh, my bad." I look to the door as Julius knocked and opened it, only to realise I was with Zeke. "Sorry, I thought you were alone. I'll come back later." He fumbled and stepped out before I could even reply.

"...'Rose'?" Zeke asked with a raised eyebrow after he left. 

I let out a small chuckle. "He calls me rose because I remind him of one. Beautiful and pleasant, but beware where you touch. Or so he says." I explain. I'm truly grateful for Ezekiel. I don't know how he does it, but no matter how I'm feeling he always manages to bring out the good in me.

My thoughts drift off and I stare out the window again, lost in thought. My head is full but even if you ask me why, I can't tell you because I don't know what's filling it. I feel like I'm underwater and I keep spacing out but I can't help it. I'm so tired...

Zeke glanced at me and hesitated before asking, "Hey by the way, serious question. You don't have to answer it if you don't want to, it's okay. You can just ignore it. Do you want to leave the manor?"

I'm shocked by the sudden confrontation. And also a little guilty as I do remember such thoughts crossing my mind earlier.

"Why would I want to do that? Have you been reading my mind, Zeke?"

"Not that I am aware of," he smiles. I have so many questions right now.

"Perhaps you're tired of... I guess unobtainability or perhaps that there's just nothing left for you here?"

"What made you ask me if I wanted to? Please bear with me, I need to know."

It's just... Your mood lately. You've been distant and spaced out."

"Is that all? Or are you trying to justify some personal feeling with the current situation?" I try to deflect it. I know how to play cards, and Jack is more or less running half of the game.

Zeke raised his eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?"

"I think you know what I mean," I smirk. "But I'm not one to pick a fight so I'll drop it. Well, in answer to your question, no I'm not planning on leaving. The thought of living alone independently did cross my mind just earlier today, which is why I asked you if you were reading my mind, because that would seem like I wanted to leave."

"I don't want to pick a fight dear, I just want to know what you mean by "current situation"." Zeke says considerably calmly. I could tell he was anxious even though he tried to hide it.

"I mean my mood and recent thoughts," I say apologetically.

"Okay." He let out a sigh of relief. "I don't know why I felt like this. Could you tell me what you mean like I am a child? I just need clarity for clarity's sake," he asked with a small smile.

" I know you've been reading my mind and have seen first hand what my mood has been like. Out of nowhere I took a personal trip alone, then I come back only for you to find I'll be spaced out. If it were me, I'd assume that a person like that didn't want to stay," I say clearly. I could almost see the tension leaving his body.

"I was scared you were giving up, that you wanted to leave. I know, I'm sorry for being like this," he buried his face in his hands. I reach my hand out, touch his cheek and smile softly.

"I'm still a long way from giving up, my dear. I'm still here. And it's okay to be anxious, all it shows is that you care about me. There's no need to apologise for being yourself."

He smiled and wiped away a tear that wanted to escape his eyes. We both sat there in silence, enjoying each others' company. There was a certain calmness about Ezekiel that I could never explain. Still can't. But that's one of the reasons I love him.

"Rain is beautiful," Zeke started. "The little tears hiding ours, it is a blessing for the ones that cannot take it anymore."

"Cough, cough, me, cough." I joked and we laughed.