Dorinda
Karen and I faced off as I stared at her and she stared at me. I knew that she was trying her hardest not to react out of her flesh, but one thing I knew that was extremely heavy on me was that I wanted to make things right.
"What are you doing here?" Karen asked softly.
"Denaia, she.... she called me over. She said that you were possibly interested in talking to me again. Is that true?" I asked.
Karen went quiet as she looked at me. I could tell that she was trying to find the words so I spoke first.
"While you're pondering I just want to say this.... Karen, I am so so so sorry for hurting you. I know what I did, and I know that it was wrong. I could have chosen anyone, but Erin was there that day and it wasn't right. I don't make any excuses for myself, and I know that I have a lot of making up to do if possible. I've cried many tears on many nights and the one thing that remains is the hole that is left in my soul reserved for you. I allowed my vulnerability and my insecurities to make me make one of the biggest mistakes of my life. If I could take that day back I would in a heartbeat. I was wounded, I was broken, but the one thing that remains is that I'm human, and where there is human effort there will always be human error. I'm taking accountability and no longer will I run from the truth which simply remains. I hurt you, I was wrong, and you have every right to hate me and not want me in your life anymore, but I will always love you Karen Valencia because you're my sister and that is one fact that will never ever change. No matter what."
Karen continued on her silence as tears filled her eyes. I stepped up closer to her as she began to cry.
"Karen, please? Say something. I'm here, I'm listening... whatever it is you want to say, whatever it is you want to get off your chest, I'm right here. I will accept whatever it is you want to say and I-"
"I forgive you." Karen said, cutting me off.
Tears filled my eyes hearing her say those words. She nodded her head yes as she continued.
'I forgive you, I do. It's going to take some time for me to trust you again, but if Jesus can forgive those who crucified him on a cross and he did nothing to them then I can forgive you." Karen began to break down as she said those last words. "I forgive you, I forgive you..... I forgive you. I don't want to be bitter anymore, I don't want to be mean, I don't want to be this way anymore."
I didn't know if she would let me, but I took my chances as I walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. To my surprise she didn't push me away but she actually held on to me as she cried which caused me to break down as well. Feeling her break in my arms made a weight lift off my chest and shoulders. She was finally letting me back in and it felt good.
"Thank you, Jesus." I cried as I held her.
There were a few moments of silent tears before Karen spoke.
"I feel like Erin was sent from hell. He was a ploy in the devil's plot to tear us apart, because he knew how close we were. So, he attacked us both at the same time, and just like putty we fell like prey right into his hands. Your insecurities took you on a dangerous ride and my idolization of marriage caused me to look past the red flags because I wanted to be married so badly. I wanted a family, I wanted to be happy, but now I see that all God required from me was for me to spend time with him. He just wanted my attention and my time so he had to expose the idol that was in my life in order to knock me back on the right track. The idea of marriage had become my God. I was finally getting what I wanted, I had it in my hands, and once it slipped everything fell apart and it brought me to my knees. I don't know why it took me so long to realize, but you were never to blame. Yes, you did it but there was a spirit behind this. The enemy was behind this... he wanted division and he got it. He took my heart and broke it in pieces, but God is.... God is restoring me and it feels so good. It feels so good to finally have peace after five whole years of hell. That's really all I ever wanted." Karen sniffled.
I continued holding her as I listened to her heart.
"He definitely did ruin us both, but the beautiful part about it is that God brought restoration. He allowed you and I to reconcile and to be honest this is what I wanted. I wanted us to be able to forgive, let go, move past, and move forward. This is what was necessary, and what was needed. Now we're here." I said.
Karen wrapped her arms around me as I held her and we just held each other. We embraced each other as Karen released a shaky breath and for once this was finally where we wanted to be.
God had a beautiful way of restoring things.
_____
"Oh my God, I'm, so happy for you and Karen Doe. It's about time you two were able to come to some type of resolve." Jacky said.
I was outside of Karen's house talking to Jacky on the phone. I had to inform her of what had just happened. It was literally a miracle the fact that Karen and I had come to this point. This was nothing but God.
"I can't believe that this happened. I thought that she would never forgive me but.... God. Jac, I'm so happy my heart is beaming with pure joy." I said.
"See, I told you to be patient. Being patient is rewarding and it gets you the results that rushing would never get you. How does it feel to know that God came through?" Twinkie asked.
I took a moment as I took a deep breath and closed my eyes before answering her.
"Honestly, it feels really good. I really thought that he had forgotten about me. I spent so many nights crying and praying for God to restore the foundation of our sisterhood and now.... now I see that he first had to restore her to himself. God is so good, he keeps all of his promises." I said, getting teary-eyed.
"He won't let you be ashamed. Always remember that, Doe."
"No, he won't. Never ever." Twinkie added.
Smiling at her words, I looked behind me and saw Karen outside loading her car with a suitcase.
"Hey guys, I'm going to call ya'll back." I said, ending the call.
As I placed my phone away I walked over to her.
"Karen, where are you going?" I asked.
"On a road trip." Karen said simply.
Squinting my eyes, I looked at her. It was someone about the way that she said that.
"Karen-"
"Dorinda, please. I know that you want to know what I'm doing. You miss me and you miss being included I get that, but I need to do this. I have to go." Karen said, getting in her car.
She didn't wait one moment before pulling off. There was something off about what she'd said and what she was doing. I just felt it within me.
I was going to get to the bottom of it.
