Maybe this is where I belong...

Chapter 28.

"When is this going to get easier, Mom? I keep waiting for one day to not be scared to close my eyes. I don't think it's ever going to happen. I'm going to be traumatized forever." She locked her watery eyes to mine. In those beautiful, green eyes, I saw so much hurt. Heartbreak. Terror. Everything I wanted to take away. I wanted to protect her from anything that could harm her. I felt so much blame and shame that I was not able to protect her from the things that traumatized her. That night replays in my mind just as much hers. Seeing her limp, almost lifeless body on the ground and hearing Lena's screams as we tried to wake her. Nothing has ever made me more terrified than seeing my daughter like that.

"My love, my love, my love." I grabbed the side of her face with my loving hands. "You have so many people in this world who love you more than anything. You have me, mama, Mariana, Jesus, Brandon, your grandparents. We love you so much and are going to do the best we can to make you feel safe, loved, and happy. Okay, baby? I promise." I smiled lovingly and rubbed the side of her face with my cheek. She nodded her head and melted her face into my hand, and I embraced her with a tight hug. I sat us back onto the pillows on her bed and noticed Ami's breathing got slow and before I knew it, she was fast asleep. I pulled the covers over us and she rested her head onto my chest and we both fell back asleep peacefully.

AMELIA'S POV:

It was pretty early in the morning. I rolled over to the right side of the bed and noticed Stef wasn't there anymore. I panicked and my breathing started to quicken. Why did she leave me? Was something happening? Am I home alone? I wanted to go out into the kitchen to see my family, but I was also paralyzed with fear. What if someone was waiting for me to come out of my room to take me? To take me back to my birth parents and Patrick? These thoughts that entered my mind quickly transformed into the panic of remembering that there would probably be another trial for my birth parents and Patrick. Moms haven't said anything to me about it, but I knew well enough to know that they were not going to plead guilty. I would have to relive all of these horrific, painful memories for it to only not be worth it. As my breathing quickened, everything started to blur. I was trying to make sense of my surroundings, attempting to focus on something. I needed to get out of my room, maybe get some fresh air. That will help, I tried to convince myself. The only problem was that my walker was not close enough to my bed. It was only a couple steps, I thought to myself. I could do this. I don't want to rely on anyone anymore. I spent so much of my time relying on other people. I should be able to take a couple steps to my walker. I swung my legs around the side of the bed and slowly got up, keeping my hands pressed on the bed. I got my balance and slowly stood. It was going well, I can do this. I took slow steps to the walker. My hip started to burn in pain, wincing at every small step I was attempting to complete. In a matter of moments, I felt my knees buckle and I could not stand anymore. I could feel myself going down and I could not catch my fall. My head hit the floor with a loud thump and everything was going dark.

"Amelia, baby, wake up! Please my love. Wake up, wake up, wake up. It's Mama." I could hear these words echo in my brain in pieces. My subconscious wanted to wake up so badly to tell Lena that I was okay, but I couldn't do it. I heard more voices come into the room, panicked and shaky voices.

"Mama! What happened? Is she okay?" It was Jesus. His voice got close and I could tell he was right by my side.

"Lena, I swear I just left to put the coffee on. I didn't leave for that long, if I knew she was going to try to get up on her own I wouldn't have left." It was Mom. Her voice was filled with so much guilt and shame. I did not want her to feel guilty. She didn't actually leave me after all.

"It's, it's okay Stef. Someone just please call 911," Mama said with worry and panic. I could hear Mariana on the phone with the paramedics and all the pain from my hip and my head started to rush through as my eyes fluttered open and I saw my Moms, Jesus, Mariana and Brandon looking at me with so much fear and worry in there eyes.