Love You To The Stars| JEGULUS

Chapter 19: Bubbles!

"Unless you are water, I don't think you would be much help. I taste like soap..." I say.

"I could get you water?"

"I can do it by myself. Besides, you would like me better if I didn't taste like soap. Isn't that right?" I ask.

"I like you anyway you come." He replies. (Pfffft-)

I search his face for a tease, but find nothing. He looks genuine and honest. I smile as I look down at the floor I am sitting on. My curls fall in front of my face, hiding it from James.

"You don't mean that." I mumble.

I say this because he wouldn't. If I was like my mum. Or if I was a Death Eater. One of them. If I didn't leave. Before I understand what's happening, I feel small, silent, stupid tears falling. I draw my knees up to my chest, resting my back against the cabinet. I feel my body shake with each jagged breath.

I feel James come over and touch my back, drawing me into his chest. He is saying things but I can't hear him.

The fact that he wouldn't like me if I was one of them, a Death Eater. He wouldn't like me anymore, just how Sirius wouldn't. He would see me as a failure, if he even chose to remember me.

I get in my head as quickly as I did the last time. One wrong thought and I am gone. Gone to myself and my thoughts. The worst part is I can't control my feelings. I wish I could like Sirius, Remus,or James.

James brings me back to everything when he starts playing with a ring of mine. Maybe he wasn't playing with it, but he was moving it. I look through watered eyes at him. He was holding me while rocking me slowly. Luckily there was no one else in the room.

"Shhh. It's okay, you just had a panic attack. Welcome back, my love."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." I say, sniffing.

"It's okay, love. May I ask, what triggered it?"

"I-it was when you said you would like me anyway I came."

"Oh. Why's that?"

"Because! You wouldn't. You are saying these things but you wouldn't!"

"Yes I do-"

"No! No you wouldn't," Tears now streaked my face again, "You wouldn't. What if I become one of them? What happens if my mother takes me and I am forced to become a Death Eater!? See, you say these things, but you don't mean it. You think you do, but you don't." I yell, now crying all over again.

Mum comes through the door, looking at us, but James shakes his head, signaling for mum to leave. She does, as James gets up. He's had enough. He hates me now. He will break up with me. I knew he didn't love me. I care too much. I should stop being so emotional!

"Love, do you want me to carry you up to your room or mine?" He asks, softly.

I look at him confused. He isn't mad?

"Y-you aren't mad at me for crying and yelling at you?" I ask, sniffing.

"How could I ever be mad at you?"

"Because I was being mean!" I say.

"No, love. You've been through so much! At least let me be here for you. Let me help you. Now, your room or mine?"

"Yours. Sirius will be in our room." I say, quietly.

"Sure."

He crouches down and picks me up bridal style. I laugh, because I don't need to be carried. He knows this too.

"James, I can walk just fine! I exclaim.

"I know, but I need an excuse to carry you!"

"And what would that be?"