Reliant ~ [John Soap MacTavish]

XL. Frosted Glass

"I still think we need to get rid of it as quickly as possible. My mind has not changed on the matter, sir. I'm fully with you on that."

"Good," he says. "Since your higher-up is.. out of the picture, I think we need to act on it quickly."

"Agreed, sir."

"Fine," his gaze roams around his desk for a moment before flickering up to Keegan. "You'll be with Keegan from now on. I think it is best to minimize contact with the rest. Outside of missions and meetings, that is."

Those words pierce through me like shards of glass, causing an acute, stabbing pain in my chest. But even though I hadn't expected him to say it, I somehow think it's best too.

All I can do is offer him a barely visible nod before rising to my feet.

"And don't call me sir, Alex," he adds before I open the door, "You didn't before, and you don't have to now."

"Thank you," I turn to look back at him once more before exiting his office.

My steps are quick and urgent as I get out into the hallway. I'm not quite sure where I'm going, but my mind starts spinning with ways to self-sabotage. I don't deserve this. They should've killed me for even thinking about betraying them.

"Alex," Keegan's voice cuts through my thoughts, though I don't slow down. It's only when we reach my room that he manages to speak to me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I let out a sigh I didn't realize I had been holding. "That's the problem. Nothing is going wrong. I shouldn't be here."

He frowns for a second. "Alex, come on. Don't do this."

"It's true."

He steps forward, placing two hands on my shoulders and ducking down slightly to look me in the eyes. "No. It is not. You and I have been through stuff. I know you were raised with the idea of not deserving a second chance, but you're here now, and things are different."

My jaw clenches again, and I can feel a lump forming in my throat. I don't even know what to say to him anymore.

"You're not alone in this anymore, Lexi."

"I'm sorry," I mumble, breaking eye contact. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful."

"You don't. No need to worry."

I release the tension in my shoulders as Keegan offers me a reassuring squeeze. He sighs too before letting himself drop down on the tiny chair. I study him for a moment, his gloveless hands wrapping around the image of the two of us with my father.

"Do you remember this day?" He asks.

"I don't," I turn to him. "Do you?"

"Mhm," he mumbles, looking up at me before reaching for the back of his mask. He pulls it off in a swift movement, his blue eyes even lighter without his mask. "I remember the way my eyes were burning in this picture. I was holding back tears." He shifts a little, hands wrapping around the image tighter for just a moment. "My dad didn't come back from his mission that day. But you and I were told to celebrate making progress with training. It's honestly sick, don't you think?"

"I'm sorry, Kee. I never knew," Tears prickle behind my eyes again. "I feel so fucking stupid for not realizing how things were back then."

"Hey," he stands up and opens his arms, wrapping them around me. "It's not your fault."

I feel his steady heartbeat and it offers me something else to focus on, even for just a minute.

After a while, he releases me, but not before patting me on the head twice, reminiscent of how he used to back then.