ᴡʜɪꜱᴘᴇʀꜱ ᴏꜰ ʟᴏᴠᴇ'ꜱ ᴜɴᴅᴏɪɴɢ | ᴋᴀᴇʏᴀxʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

13.

Closing the front door behind her, Y/N hung up her Elite Knight cape. The paperwork had exhausted her of all efforts, yet her mind buzzed with how she would confess her feelings to Kaeya.
Trodding into the living room, she was hit with the strong, sharp scent of whisky before her eyes registered Kaeya, who was sat on the fluffy carpet drinking. Y/N was unsure how drunk he was, as she approached him cautiously.
"Kaeya, how come you are drinking right now?"
The blue-haired man glanced at her, his eyes squinting as he tried to focus on the towering figure in front of him.
"Ah Y/N," Kaeya murmured with a cutting edge to his voice, "just enjoying a moment of silent self-pity." Neither person spoke for a while.  Slowly, Y/N moved to sit opposite the table upon which Kaeya's glass rested.
"What troubles you tonight Kaeya? It might help to vent it out loud or share it with me?"
Kaeya's lips curled into a bitter smile, his gaze drifting back to the amber liquid in his glass. "Troubles, you say?" he replied, his voice laced with a hint of resignation, "Oh, just the usual ghosts of my past haunting me, I suppose."
It pained Y/N to see Kaeya this way. It's not even his fault, yet he still has to cope with these feelings...Y/N thought, as she turned her face for a moment to discreetly blink away her tears. She knew that she didn't want to push Kaeya away like last time - she had to navigate this carefully. Gently resting a hand on his arm, Y/N smiled sadly.
"Your past and other people's inaccurate judgements does not define who you are Kaeya."

Jerking his arm away from Y/N's warm touch, Kaeya raised his glass to his lips. After a long swig, he rested his head back against the sofa behind and sighed. He then tilted his head towards Y/N and smirked coldly.
"Do you really think that Y/N? That I am not bound by my past mistakes? Are you claiming this despite not knowing what I have done?"
Kaeya and Y/N stared at each other for a moment, as the truth hung in the air. Y/N knew that she did not know what exactly happened in Kaeya's past, but she wanted to know and accept him regardless.
"Well...you murdered Tartaglia, and here I am still caring for you deeply." Y/N spoke quietly, worried about Kaeya's reaction. He contemplated this whilst taking another sip, before placing his glass down.
"Alright." Looking away, Kaeya's expression hardened, his voice now dangerous and low. "Will this care still be present whilst you progress through the ranks of the Knights? Whilst citizens eventually revere and hold you in high regard? I think not." 

The words and sharp tone accompanying them cut through the air, cut through Y/N's heart like a knife. Was this what he actually thought of her? Y/N's heart sank, yet she had to remember that this was the alcohol speaking, this was Kaeya trying to push her away...because he didn't have a person to rely on before she came along.
"Kaeya...I-"
"Save it, Y/N," Kaeya spat, teetering as he rose. 
"I care for you and I always will! You're my best friend and you mean more to me than that, even." Y/N exclaimed as she rose to her feet, feeling attacked as her heart raced with intense emotion. "You're the one who wanted me to be the next Cavalry Captain! I was perfectly happy remaining a Knight that patrolled the streets at night! You wanted me to dream, so I followed your guidance sinc...si..." Y/N's incomplete sentence hovered as her voice cracked, the sobs threatening to emerge from her throat. Covering her mouth with her hands, Y/N knelt on the floor, overwhelmed.
Kaeya, who was facing away from Y/N, turned around to see her in tears. Damn it...why do I have to hurt everyone around me? Kaeya scolded himself, senses hazy as he stumbled beside Y/N.
"I'm sorry Y/N, I shouldn't have been so harsh. I know you will always be by my side, I just..." Kaeya whispered, his voice choked with emotion. "I'm just scared to lose you."
Y/N's sobs grew louder as she curled into a small ball, whilst Kaeya pulled her towards his chest. He knew that he caused her pain, and he didn't wish to hurt her any further with his words. So all Kaeya could do was support her silently, and then leave Y/N's life once she beca-
"You'll never lose me," Y/N whispered between mumbled sobs, "because I love you so damn much Kaeya..."
Kaeya's body tensed at the confession. Had he been so selfish that he had allowed Y/N to be close enough to fall for him? He couldn't let this go further, yet the idea of pushing her away forever would only ensure the rapid return to darkness. But at the same time, his mere presence may only end up dragging Y/N down to his level - Kaeya processed this as he gazed down at Y/N's tearful expression. What to do...what to do...
He was distracted by a pulling sensation. Glancing down again, he watched Y/N's hands grasp his jacket as they curled tightly into fists. He knnew.

Wrapping his arms tightly around her, Kaeya tucked his head into the embrace, resting it beside Y/N's cheek as he breathed in her sweet scent.
"I love you too, Y/N. More than words can ever express."

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A/N: Ellooo readers, it has been a long time! I've been really busy with some personal issues, whilst juggling academic deadlines. I have not forgotten about this book! I plan to publish more frequently after 26th March :) 

I hope you have been well - please sleep well, make sure you go for daily nature walks, and of course play Genshin Impact!

I hope to see you in the next chapter!
jaskidust xx