that quiet kid || « baewoo »

1 - strange

" ... no need to send blood & unborn dead babies down my pussy "

tw: mentions of suicide c:

? pov

I don't know why I'm here. I couldn't remember anything before any of this. But right now, I'm standing in the middle of my living room where the window on the wall was facing me. Everything just looks so... un-colourful and blurry also. You could say it was black and white, but there was still a bit of colour.

But that doesn't help my nervousness in anyway, it just makes me feel like I'm in a horror movie.

I feel my heart beating faster and faster as I look around myself. There's just an odd feeling that someone's spying or stalking me. Have you ever felt that? Yeah it's scary alright. Imagine just a random guy who's peeking in the window of your house. Looking at you, staring at your every move. Just imagine that.

swifff- ( wtf does a bush sound like? )

I turn my head around upon the sudden sound, now looking outside the window. Maybe making up scary scenarios in my head was a bad idea. And that bush outside isn't making it any better. I don't know if it's really, really windy outside or that bush is just moving a lot more than usual. As if there's someone inside that bush, hiding so I won't be able to see them.

Then something caught my eye. A little small dot inside the bush, it was blinking. But for some strange reason, my blurry vision just started to slowly disappear. Making everything around me clearer. Oh, but that little small dot inside the bush... It's gone.

Okay, it's gone.

It's gone?

Why is it gone?

Where is it? At first, I thought my head was playing tricks on me, but now... I feel as if it's real. As if it isn't fake. Everything's real. I glance around the living room, satisfying my senses, telling it that there's no monsters around me.

But as I look back at the window, I got jump scared by a strangely tall and thin human-like figure that's just fully black standing behind the bush from outside the window. Isn't that my sleep paralysis demon? I stare at it strangely, I'm pretty sure that it's going to jump out at me sooner or later.

My heart's pounding even harder and faster than before. I want to move and get out of there, but I can't. My feet is basically glued to the ground. I watched as the black figure creep out behind the bush and slowly revealing nothing but its white and disgusting grin. Uh, no thanks.

I'm ready to leave now.

I gasp, waking up in my sweat.

Damn it, another nightmare. At least it's a nightmare and not another lucid nightmare. Or an another sleep paralysis. That thing... is way worse. So many nightmares these days, I think I'm getting scared of sleeping now. My heart just starts racing at night because I realize I'll probably have another scary dream.

I checked the time, it's right before my alarm rings. Now that I think about it, that happens lately too. I wake up earlier than my alarm which sounds like a good thing- But maybe it's not? I would be getting a minute or two less sleep.

I get off my bed, waddling sleepily to the bathroom. I flip the light switch on and took a look at myself in the mirror. The black circles are showing. Ooof, they're so obvious. No amount of makeup will save me now. It makes me look like I'm depressed and stressed and dying. I just wanna look pretty.

"It's because of the lack of sleep. Stop asking me. Do I look like a doctor?!"

Whenever I ask my mom, she responds to me like that. And I hate it. I did sleep, it's not like I stayed up all night doing weird things. I did try to get some sleep, but apparently sleep hates me. As prove, if I remember clearly, I think I did sleep last night.

I slept last night. Yeah.

At least I think so. All I remember is closing my eyes and waiting for eternity to fall asleep. But sometimes. I wait so long that it feels like the day will never come. And during that boring time, I call Yoona to see if she's awake or not. (She's always awake.) Then if she's not too tired, we play Minecraft together. It's the only way me and my bestie can connect after she moved countries.

I miss her so much.

On days when she's sleeping, I just lay down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Just thinking about my useless existence. Maybe mom's right, I am suffering from insomnia. But it's fine. It's just all about not being able to sleep, right?

Whatever, it's just going to be another day. It's not like my life a living hell yet.

I say 'yet' because my life is getting repetitive. Nothing's interesting anymore, I'm going to get super bored soon and probably kill myself sometime later.. It's all so predictable. Everyday, I wake up, go to school, come back and repeat.

Wake up. Go to school. Come back. Repeat.

Like a goldfish living in its little bowl with its fake castle suck onto the fake sand plus maybe some fake, plastic kelp. Just swimming around with nothing to do.

...

I'm beginning to hate life. Why does it have to suck so much? Pass the childhood stage, nothing's fun anymore and there's nothing to do. Just like how you reach max level on a game. Wow, killing yourself sounds like a fun thing to do now. I still remember when I was a kid, I thought committing suicide was such an absurd thing since life was full of 'wonder' and 'joy'.

Lmao.

When did life become this depressing?

I watch as I unconsciously wipe my tear from falling off my emotionless face. If I hide it, it'll eventually go away. Just like how a rabbit hides from its predator and wait for it to go away.

You may think I'm in denial but I think that maybe I'm not depressed and my head is going through an angsty teen phase... Or maybe I'm just on my period. I hate being my period. My mood goes crazy during my period. Thanks for telling me I don't have a huge ass baby in my stomach, but no need to send blood and unborn dead babies down my pussy though.

( Insomnia sucks )

a/n: i know this chapter might have been boring but- shut up.

wait 4 the next one plz 🥺