Then We Were Grown

Chapter THREE

"I don't know if I can do this," I admit. "She can't even look me in the eye."

"Give her some time," he grunts as he gets up. "She'll come around."

I nod, unsure of his words. Charlie can be stubborn sometime, and if she's decided things are going a certain way, then they will. And if she's decided upon hating me and casting me aside still, as I said she would, she'll have her way.

"Come on."

Gabriel is out the door before I can even push myself up from the chair. I follow him down the stairs, heart racing in my chest. I wonder if it'll ever stop doing this at the thought of her. But I guess it won't, because it hammers against my chest painfully when we walk out of the building and Charlie stands there, looking at me with big beautiful brown eyes that see right through me.

And the world stops.

She takes my breath away.

That much counts.

Her hair is wavier than it was last night and the blonde strands of hair are darker now and almost gone. I don't remember her being so small, but she is, and yet her presence and glare is like a threat to my life.

I can't help but smile at that, but my heart aches. 

I want to hate you, I think, hoping she sees right through me now. But I don't know how. I don't know how to not love you. I want you back. I'm sorry I screwed up so bad.

"Hi."

There is a light in her eyes that twinkles right now as I bore my eyes into hers, and I just wish she's seen just about every thought I have. Our gazes are still locked together when Teddy says that we have to go. And the weight that crushed my lungs lifts, if ever so gently, to give me that brief moment of relief. Charlie offers me a smile, and the boys steer us away towards the restaurant—and hope builds up in my chest.

                                                         ****

Plates are emptied, glasses are filled, bellies are full. I lean back in my chair, and take the entire scene in. The table looks like a mess and ordinarily that would have set me off in some ways, but today it doesn't. It feels normal—it feels good.

"Look what I've found," Lily beams from the other end of the table.

She holds up her phone for us all to see, showing us quite proudly a picture of Teddy with his tongue stuck to ice the one time we visited the Ice Museum, despite the sign that said not to do it.

Charlie laughs. 

It sounds bright and beautiful and true. God, did I miss that sound. The smile on her lips is genuine, covered by her hand as she rests her chin in the palm of her hand.

Lily says something else I don't hear, because all I can focus on is the chuckle that slips out from Charlie's mouth, a sound that stirs some dormant beast in me.

I watch her from across the table, and I could be content with it. We don't talk to each other directly, but through our friends. And for now I guess, it is enough.

Her smile lights up the room and shines in her eyes. I wonder how long it's taken for her to feel better after all of this, and I wonder for a second if she's all but faking it now. But I guess she isn't, because the sound of her laugh echoes through the restaurant more times than I can count and my heart is ready to burst with each note.

She shifts in her chair, crossing her legs underneath the table, our knees pressed together and suddenly, I can't move. Having her skin against mine feels like home, and it takes everything I have not to smile. But I can't really help it—I'm afraid that if I such as move a finger, this fleeting moment will be over. And I don't want to. I want to feel her skin against mine, I want to feel her hair in between my fingers.