Short Stories

Version 2

Saki Rose is a neurosurgeon, she worked hard to get where she is, she looks very young, though which makes people look down on her. Saki has long strawberry blonde hair, pale skin, is short, and green eyes. Her memory is photographic, so she forgets nothing. Her memory is what made her want to enter neurosurgery, she had something that her family didn't, she was different. In neuro, she felt like she had found her place there. She got an offer to go to a top tier hospital, so she decided to take it, she knew some people there at the hospital, so she knew she wouldn't be alone.

Today, being her first day, she is excited. I mean who wouldn't be entering a new environment with new opportunities? Saki decided to just take the shortcut so early in the morning, and put on her dark blue scrubs, because even if she is new to the hospital, she is not a new doctor in general, and has enough experience to be classified as a resident. She put two changes of clothes in her tote bag, as well as her water bottle, and wallet for lunch, then zipped and put on the little lock of her bag to avoid being pick pocketed. Put her hair in a ponytail so it doesn't get in her way, put on her doctors' coat and clipped her new hospital identification onto her pocket, making sure nothing would move, then she went to go board the train.

Sitting on the train was supposed to be the least interesting part of her day, the key word is supposed to be there. Saki was just sitting there on her phone waiting for her stop in the packed bus, just scrolling through her phone while looking through cars on a car dealership website.

It was peaceful, until she felt something crawl into her lap. She investigated her lap to see an elementary age child, maybe early middle school girl there. She raised an eyebrow at her and was about to say something when the little girl held up her index finger in the silent shush motion. Saki investigated the environment around, seeing what's spooked the poor girl. Looking around he saw a bunch of different characters on the train, none of them jumped out to Saki.

Until she saw a man who didn't look much older than herself, he didn't look like he was evil, in fact if you weren't really watching his posture, you wouldn't notice anything strange about him. He was standing straight, very ridged, not like something anyone else was doing on the train so early in the morning. His hand was twitching, he was looking around sporadically then he looked back at me, or to be more specifically the little girl in my lap. He was clearly waiting for something.

Saki leaned in a little and whispered, "what stop do you get off sweety?"

The little girl, a little hesitant said, "five stops left."

Saki nodded then went back to scrolling through her phone, she was going to have to miss her stop by one, but she could easily catch a cab. Looks like being early because she wanted to explore the hospital helped this little girl. Though not as Saki thought, she thought her saving lives would not include before she got into the hospital.

Saki waited with the girl and got off with her, though she noticed the dude was still following her and the girl. Saki was about to encourage the girl to run to the police officer, when she felt the little girl get yanked from her arm. Not about to let whatever could happen to the little girl, Saki moved quickly, and tackled the dude before she could get far, the little girl's struggling being the only reason Saki was able to catch up.

Using what little self-defense moves she knows was able to get the little girl away from the man and kept him down. Quickly the little girl ran to the cop, who saw Saki tackle the man, and got help. The man was quickly taken away, the little girl was also driven to school by a different officer, and Saki got her cab paid for by the officer for her good deed. It wasn't until halfway through her cab drive to work that what happened just caught up to her. She stopped a kidnapping from happening, though the dude will probably slip through the cracks, and she has no idea why the little girl went to her for help, but that's a different story.

Coda: The moral of the story is when you have no idea who to trust and feel like you are being followed then find someone who looks trustworthy like a cop, doctor, firefighter, someone you know even, just don't try to escape alone. Often, it's not safe to try and do it alone, there are others that will help you, especially if you go to one person specifically. Because then it is an obligation, or the person feels extremely guilt later.

Revisions: You wanted a clearer stated problem for the story. So, I completely changed the story, minus the first paragraph, which is the same. Originally the problem of the story was how people separate themselves into different social groups, now it's about how people should always be aware of their surroundings and look for people they think will or can help them. I tried my best to make it so that it followed the four main chunks that you pointed out to me.