Enamored //joshler

10. ripping off the bandaid

"hey, it's okay to be scared. i'm not saying you have to call him up and tell him right now. it's super cool for you to even be considering telling him."

"you think so?" tyler half-smiles. ashley always knows what to say to him.

"of course i do. you're the bravest, coolest person i know."

"thanks," tyler grins.

"are you almost finished eating? brendon and ryan aren't busy tonight, so we can go home and age you down and all hang out together. how's that sound?"

"okay," he agrees excitedly. "i'm almost done."

he finishes his plate rather quickly, eagerly awaiting their arrival home where he can safely regress and forget about his josh situation.

tyler has been trying to come up with the perfect way to tell josh about his little space, but nothing he comes up with quite feels right. it would be easier for him to tell josh over the phone, but that feels too impersonal. he thought about not telling him at all and instead having ashley do it, but he felt cowardly for even considering it as an option. maybe he should just keep it a secret for the rest of his life, but it would be easier for him to come clean. too many options.

"whatcha thinking about, ty?" ashley glances between him and the road in front of her.

he sighs. "i really like josh."

"you say that like it's a bad thing."

maybe it is.

"i don't know... you know what happened with dallon. i'm just afraid that will happen again."

dallon. he was tyler's boyfriend from senior year of high school to freshman year of college.

they had known each other for about a year before they started dating. dallon played bass in his own band and tyler was the president of the school's writing club. dallon was cool and tyler was a complete loser. they first met when dallon came to him for help with writing a new song. it took them a few weeks of working together before they had a finished product. tyler completely fell head over heels for dallon in those few weeks, but dallon didn't seem interested so they stopped hanging out once they finished.

miraculously, about a year later, dallon randomly texted him one friday afternoon inviting him to watch their band play downtown. tyler had never fully gotten over his crush, so he agreed. they hung out after the show and ended up having a really great time together. they went on a few more dates before dallon asked tyler to be his boyfriend, officially, and tyler was ecstatic.

it wasn't until about a month in that tyler started coming to terms with his little space and exploring that avenue of himself more. he always had certain characteristics that he felt made him different from others, namely his childish interests and mannerisms. it made him happy. it helped him separate from the rest of the issues he was facing; namely his parents going through an ugly divorce.

tyler's dad had always been absent most of his life—mainly emotionally but also sometimes physically due to the nature of his job—so it wasn't the separation itself that was hard. it was seeing the way it affected his mother and how it changed the way his father treated them. emotional absence turned into emotional abuse that lasted until tyler went no contact with his father sophomore year of college.