Point of You - A Collection of Short Stories

Goodbye, You

You've been gone for some time now. Well, more like you've been off and on for a while. Sometimes I miss you. Most times I don't. While you were here, you caused problems. Not at first, of course. At first, you were charming.

You were sweet.

Honest.

Funny.

Cute.

You had a certain allure to you. So I took the bait. I made a promise. And for the first time in my entire life, I broke a promise. The promise I made to you. Well, sort of. I said I would contact you as soon as I was able to. I could have a lot sooner. I just wasn't supposed to be able to. So I didn't. Why? I thought you had forgotten about me. I had thrown out all of your information long before I could have used it. When I did reach out to you, it was over a year later. And you were just a rebound. Both times. But you were more than a rebound at the time. At the time, you were everything to me. I was obsessed. And you knew that.

You were still talking to your ex. The one you had dated while "waiting" for me to reach out. She was still controlling you. At least that's what you implied was happening. I believed you. Do I know? I'm not sure. You called her every night at 10 pm. You said you had to. I believed you at the time. But you didn't have to. You chose to. But one night, you didn't. You chose to stay on the phone with me all night. You were drawing me back in.

You had a pull/push method. You would pull me in close where I felt the center of your world then put me at arm's length, making me crave your attention. You did this to make you the center of my universe. To make you my main and only priority.

You listened to me. And you remembered. You didn't do this out of love for me. Maybe it was part of it but it wasn't all of it. You wanted to use this information to get what you wanted. You would make comments using things I had told you to make me do things for you. I sent pictures I wasn't comfortable sending to you. I felt like my sexual energy was all I had to give to you. So I gave it to you. You once said in regards to sex "I will make sure I am your first and your only." You said it twice. The second time was more memorable, though.

We got close again. Or rather, you sunk your hooks in again. You made me fall for you. I was lustful. I thought it was love. You let me think that was love. So I did whatever you wanted. I would send you pictures even though you wouldn't send me any. I would do things over the phone even though you wouldn't. I let you ignore me for sometimes days at a time. I thought you loved me. I thought you wanted me. All of me. But I still felt all I could give was sex. So I continued to give it to you. Whatever you wanted, I gave you.

One night, we were on the phone. It was approaching 10 pm and I knew you "had" to go. I was sad, just like I always was. We started talking about how you never opened up to me. When we first met, we were inseparable. We were always talking to each other. We would tell each other everything. I told you things I'd never told anyone. And you told me some really personal things. That was when things were simple. This time, you didn't tell me anything. You never opened up to me yet expected me to tell you everything. You started to tell me something personal. You were trying to open up. But I couldn't hear you. You were talking so quietly and the sound quality wasn't great. When you stopped talking, I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. And that's what I told you. That made you angry. You had broken your phone. After this, we went two weeks with maddening silence. I would text you, I would call you and all I got was a bunch of messages that never went through to you. I got nothing.

But in the end, I gave up. I moved on. Or at least I tried to. Then, when everything was going well, you came back. A number I didn't recognize texted me. It was you. You came back. I was angry. I was angry because you waited so long to tell me what happened. I was angry you were back. You coming back ruined the way things were going. I told you we couldn't be anything more than friends. And then your silence resumed. You didn't respond to that message. For two weeks. And then you came back. Again. Right as I was healing, you came running back into my life with jazz hands like it was a miracle and everyone should rejoice.

But this time it was different. This time, the hooks weren't as deep. Yet they were deeper. I could see you. I could feel the stress. I could feel the weight pressing down on my shoulders. I told you how heavy the weight was. But you laughed. You watched as my body got slowly crushed by this weight. I couldn't leave you. I tried to want to. But I just couldn't.

You flirted. A lot. I told you you couldn't. I told you I wasn't yours. I told you I was taken. That I belonged to someone else now. But you didn't listen. You kept flirting. Maybe a part of me liked it. I said no. But you didn't care. I wasn't supposed to be yours. But you tried to make me yours anyway. I was blinded by your toxicity. Your fumes suffocated me. It felt like an impossible decision: you or my husband-to-be. I was told to let you go. I was told it would be easier that way. I was told the weight would be gone. That I would feel better. That only bad things would happen if I held on. But I tried to keep holding on. I tried so hard. But it didn't work.

Before, you were a life raft, saving me from the sinking ship that was my mind. Now, you are the sinking ship threatening to drown me. This time, I had no life raft. I was free-floating, trying to find my way back to safety in the dark. There were lights from rescue ships too far in the distance to see. They tried to save me. But I wouldn't let them.

When everything started coming to an end, you knew. You knew before I did. So you tried a few more ploys. You told me you were

O

B

S

E

S

S

E

D

with me. You knew how it would make me feel. It's why you said it. You were trying to get me to stay. This was when you repeated your statement for the second time. You told me:

"I make sure I'm your first and your only."

You said that on our last phone call.

But in the last text you ever sent me you said:

"I love u"

Just like that.

And that would stay in my head for a long time. Just like you knew it would. You were stuck in my brain. I thought you would never leave. You didn't want me to leave. You said I could always keep in contact. But you knew I couldn't. You knew what would happen if I did. You wanted me to destroy my relationships. My life. For you.

I didn't.

During our last phone call, you said it again. You said:

"I will make sure I'm your first and your last."

It scared me. I wondered what you meant by that.

I still wonder what you meant by that. Was it meant to be a threat? Or was it an empty promise made to keep me with you? To make me stay. If that's the case, it didn't work. I'm gone. And I will stay gone. I won't text you. I won't call you. I won't do anything to reach out. Ever.

So why did a part of me wish you did? Why did part of me want you to reach out? To not give up on us? I wanted from you what I didn't really want. I still don't know why I wanted that. I'm told it's because people like me are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. So sometimes, instead of waiting, we make it happen. Maybe that's what I did. Maybe not.

I wanted you. I wanted you more than a dog wants a bone. I wanted you more than you wanted me. I was addicted to you. To your toxicity. I was addicted to everything about you. The phone sex, the words you said, your voice, your face, your everything. I wanted you more than I wanted anything else. I needed you. At least I thought I did. I just wanted you. Really wanted you. You didn't break me. I thought you would, but you didn't. You almost did. And a part of me liked that. A part of me liked the damage you could o have done to me. A part of me wanted you to break me beyond repair. So I would rely on you. I wanted an excuse to love you. But it wasn't love. You know this, I know this. I just wanted you.

But regardless of what I wanted then, I know what I want now. I want you gone, and I want you to stay gone. I'm letting go of you. This is the end. My goodbye. My adios. My au revoir. My tschüss. My do widzenia! My tot ziens. My tchau.

This is me never saying hello again. Never asking how you are doing. Never asking what you're doing. Never worrying about if you're okay. Never worrying about missing a call or a text. Never worrying if you'll be mad I didn't answer you while eating dinner. I am letting go, for good.

Goodbye, You.