Reneé Rapp one shots :)

⛔️Thoughts

Word count: 1062
Warnings: self harm, blood
Summary: Reneé finds y/n bleeding in the bathroom, how will she handle the situation?

I sit in the bathroom, my eyes filled with tears that were spilling down my cheeks. My legs were against my chest and my arm was relaxed, my hand resting on the floor, blood slowly seeping from the wounds down the rest of my arm onto the floor.

I don't know what had happened, I just couldn't deal with the voices in my head anymore, and this was the only thing that made them go away.

I was so ashamed. I knew I shouldn't do it, but something in me craved it. I needed it.

I needed to hurt, I needed to be in pain. I deserved it. I was nothing but a failure anyway, what were a few cuts going to do?

"Y/n I'm home!" I hear Reneé call out but I don't respond. She doesn't deserve a girlfriend like me. Someone so stupid. Someone who was such an incompetent, ugly, idiotic BITCH!

"Baby are you alright?" I hear her say as she's walking up the stairs. I don't even register she's getting closer, my head too full of degrading, disgusting thoughts.

"Y/n what- oh..." she says, walking into the bathroom. She stops for a second before rushing to me, crouching down in front of me.

"Baby, what happened?" She says, her voice mellow. I can't bring myself to respond, my hopelessness getting the better of me. "Honey talk to me, what's going on?" She says, holding my face, sitting next to me. I shake my head, unable to stop the tears slipping down my cheeks.

"I can't... I just- I..." I say, unable to string together words to describe what was happening. "It's okay, why don't we clean this up and then we can talk, hmm?" She suggests, her voice still soft, and I nod, wiping my face with my sleeve.

"Here." Reneé says, helping me up and sitting me on the toilet and my putting arm in the sink. She grabs some toilet paper and cleans up the blood on the floor with some of the bathroom spray in the cupboard before putting out a first aid kit, grabbing the necessary items and laying them out.

"I'm gonna clean it, then disinfect it, then wrap it. Okay?" She says and I nod numbly, not even flinching at the string when she turns the water on.

She carefully cleans the wound, before putting on some disinfectant cream, then wrapping it tightly. She gently lifts my wrist and kisses it over the bandage, before brushing my hair behind my ears and holding my face gently, kissing my forehead.

"Let's go lay down, hmm? It's been a long day." Reneé says and I nod, following her into our bedroom and laying in bed next to her.  She opens her arms for me and I slot into them, tucking my head into her neck, our limbs intertwining.

"I'm sorry you felt like that was your only option today." She says and I shake my head, speaking up. "You don't need to apologise." I say and she just shrugs, holding me tighter. "I wish I knew what went on in your head sometimes, I wish you could see what went on in mine." She says, thinking out loud. "Why?" I ask, genuinely interested in her response.

"I wish I knew what you were thinking sometimes because then I would know how to help, I would be able to be there for you. Fully. And I wish you could see yourself how I see you. You're so beautiful and amazing, you're funny, and you're so kind. You're like nobody I've ever met before, I could live a thousand lifetimes and still never deserve you, but you still don't think you're not good enough." She says and I take a second, letting her words sink in.

"You really think that?" I ask, looking up at her and she smiles. "Yes. I mean every single word." I smile, shaking my head, burying my head into her, clinging on tighter. "I think the same about you." I say. "You make me laugh, you're the most gorgeous and you're so driven. I never thought I would be able to be with you, I was so worried that we wouldn't work in the beginning. You love your work, but you love the people around you even more. The way you carry yourself is so admirable and I never saw myself being able to keep up with everything. I can barely hold down a job and I am awful at telling people I know I love them. I don't know, but I'm glad it worked out. Because your my favourite person, and I wouldn't ask for anyone else."

I hear her smile as she talks next. "You tell me you love me all the time." She says and I shrug. "Not really. I try to, but I'm not used to saying it, it's hard." I say and she shakes her head. "No but... okay, for example when you went grocery shopping and you bought me that ugly rat pillow because you thought I would like it? And when you bought me my favourite chocolate last week? Or when you made me a cake for my birthday because they weren't selling any funfetti cakes in the store and you knew I liked it? You show me you love me all the time by simply thinking about me. I love it. You're perfect." She says and I nod, lifting my head to level with hers, smiling.

"I guess so. You're pretty perfect too." I say and she giggles, kissing me gently. We rest our foreheads together for a few seconds before she breaks the silence surrounding us. "You promise that next time you feel like hurting yourself you will message me first? Or call me? I don't care if I'm in a meeting or in an interview or in the middle of a fucking scene, you call me first. Okay?" She says, holding my cheek, rubbing her thumb comfortingly over it. I nod, pecking her lips gently. "I promise."

I snuggle back into her, closing my eyes. I feel her hand start to gently draw patterns along my shoulder and arm, and before I know it my eyes start to get heavy. I fall asleep feeling a weird contentment surrounding me, and a safeness of being in Reneés arms.