idk dawg im just feeling really shitty rn. ive been reading to pretend i dont exist and fan is she/her in this dont ask me why
tw: sh, suicide, paranoia
-
"You'll never be good enough." She told her. "You act like you're amazing but in reality you're just a lowlife! You have nothing ahead of you."
That was the last thing she ever told her.
That she was worthless.
Pathetic.
An abuser.
But she never did that! She was being falsely accused.. She thought?
Feeling the sun pierce the curtains, Fan rolled over in bed. The sun always came too fast for her liking.
Sitting up, she felt her skin tingle. Like a burning. Fan lifted her blankets to inspect this feeling, her thighs continued to bleed despite the wounds being from a few days ago. They always open up again when she sleeps.
Fan slid out of her bed and grabbed some pants to wear. The people of hotel oj cant see what shes done.
Pulling the covers of her bed, she headed to the community laundry room. Since the incident, cameras scared her. She avoided them as best as she could.
They were watching.
She was never alone.
Not anymore.
The walls of the laundry room felt like a cage, like she was a lab rat. It was awful. She never had time alone anymore, there was always someone looking at her.
She hauled her load into the washer and added some detergent and fabric softener. With a dash of peroxide for the blood.
Fan slammed the washer shut and started the cycle. She scratched at her thighs through her pants, her wounds stung like a bitch.
Heading for the door, she looked at the cameras located in the halls of Hotel Oj. Rationally, she knew there was no one behind those cameras. Oj never watched them unless something happened.. but in her head she felt like she was being monitored.
If she ruins herself enough, they wont want to watch.. right?
Back in her room, she stared at the bottle of prozac. 50 mg in each pill. 30 pills. thag could kill her.. right?
She sighed, she needed this to work. Fan rushed out of her room and downstairs.
The kitchen had packs of cheap beer, much to ojs displeasure. a can of beer to chase a bottle of prozac. She avoided the other residents and scrambled back to her room.
She took 7 prozac at a time, washing them down with beer. until she had none left.
Fan opened her phone to say goodbye to her girlfriend.
"i love you testy :) im sorry it has to be this way. take good care of bot for me."
Then she muted her phone and went to sleep. She never woke up.
-
HAHA FEELING SHITTY TODAY. "STOP PROJECTING YOUR PROBLEMS ONTO HIM!!" NEVER. and bot before you come for me, writing vent fjcs is way less exhausting than actually thinking about what will happen in smut
