From Five to Six | Michaeng

Chapter 13: Have you tried knocking?

Chaeyoung always thought that her feelings for Dahyun were number one. Above everything and everyone. Only this time, she was reacting all because of someone else. The urgency, the state of emergency set up in her head was because of Mina. She didn't want to lose Mina, she cared for Mina, she even... missed her. Hell, she even missed the girl right now.

So much so that Chaeyoung felt embarrassed and somewhat like a liar. Because she was using her energy and feelings for someone else. In Chaeyoung's mind, that was definitely wrong. Yet, she couldn't change it back. It was happening every since the day that girl appeared in her life.

Mina messed with her mind from day one. Mina changed her plans and disturbed her peace. Mina made her try things and somehow, she liked it. Mina made her feel comfortable in situations where she didn't usually did. Mina made her feel... normal.

And feeling normal for someone like Chaeyoung is not the default. Of course, she has heard and read all about it, everyone says she is but she knows she really isn't. And that is okay because, what does it really mean to be normal? It is just some stupid human convention and Chaeyoung knows this.

But it is nice to fit in.

Mina does that for her. Chaeyoung came to realize all these days without Mina, that she finds herself in her. In a way, she needs the girl around, or rather, she prefers to have the girl around. But do not misunderstand, it is not only a selfish wish to feel better. Chaeyoung wants to make Mina happy as well.

She does. She really does and it makes her mind ache and her stomach hurt and her hands sweat because Mina is not Dahyun. And Dahyun has always been her one and only. Her safe choice, her perfect choice, her most beautiful person.

Chaeyoung wanted to... cry? Almost as if she had to apologize to Dahyun. Forgive herself as well. She was not sure what this emotion was but it was scary.

It was not that late when she finally gathered the courage to walk to her room. As she had expected, her mother was waiting for her by the living room.

"Chaeng?" Her mother called before she could step on the second set of stairs leading to the second flor. "Can I help?"

Chaeyoung knew her mother was going to be there. She always was. Most probably, Dahyun had said something and everyone knew she spent a great deal of time in the basement when things were being difficult.

Ever since she was little and her family was finally coming to understand how different she was, her mother would ask if she could help, giving her the opportunity to fix things on her own. Chaeyoung liked to have that safety net, but she didn't need help right now. Not from her mother at least. It was enough to know that she was there.

"You always help me," she answered honestly. "I'll let you know if I require more help."

"Alright," her mother nodded and smiled shortly.

Chaeyoung trotted to her room. Feelings threatening to break the momentarily peace of mind she had created. It was like the eye of the hurricane. She only had a few minutes of peace before the effect wore off. She knew it was the effect of the endorphins post training after all.

"Okay," she said aloud. "Okay, I can fix this."

It was time to do what she did best. The only thing she could do, honestly. It was past her usual bed time but she carefully erased everything on her whiteboard and left to take a shower.

In an hour or so, she had everything ready. Her board with every important date, she had freshen up, her school supplies and the most important thing: she had made a list. 'nothing better than a list'