THE WAY WE WERE

CHAPTER 35: THE LONG GOODBYE

Doug said, "Tom, I already gave you, my word."

Harry said, "I promise. Come on Hanson we stopped you from making the worst decision of your life, once before. We will do it again."

Dennis said, "I have permission to hit you, huh no thanks. I'll have to find another way to stop you, because if I hit you, your wife would have my ass."

The guys laughed. I said, "That's right Booker. No one is allowed to hit Tom, no matter what."

Judy said, "Guys we need to go, so they can have time together. Lexie call me if you need anything. I'll check in with you later."  She hugged me.

She said, "Tom just have faith. I will definitely be praying so hard for you."  Tom said, "Thanks."

She hugged him.

One by one the guys gave Tom a hug.  First Doug, then Harry.  Booker started to give Tom a handshake, but then gave him a side hug.

They all hugged me and said call if you need anything.

I said, "Tom the kids are asleep, your mom has them in with her, how about we go take a nap. I need you to hold me.

Tom said, "Sounds good."  We got up and went to the bedroom.

Tom said, "Alexandria are you okay?"

I tried to think of what to say to reassure him. But the fact my tears are betraying me.  I can't stop them from falling, and I don't want to cry in front of him.

I said, "yes. I just love you so much. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

Tom said, "no Lexie. It's not your fault. It's my job not only as your man, but as your partner to protect you. I'd take that bullet for you again."

Tom kissed me.  The kiss said so much, without words.  Love, passion, fear, desperation, urgency.

Tom said, 'I love you so much Lexie. I hope you know that."

I said, "I do. I love you. You should try and go to sleep."

Tom said, "no I don't want to sleep. Lexie, I want to make love to you."

I said, "Tom I want that to, but I don't want it to cause you to get worse. Doctor said to rest."

Tom said, "Lexie please. I need to hold onto you. I'm terrified. That I won't make it through the surgery, or if I do that, I will wake up in that dark hole again and be alone, and not know you. I'm terrified I'll lose you."

I said, "Tom, I promise you, you won't lose me. I will never give up on you, on us, on our love."

Tom said, "promise me that you will fight me Lexie, don't do what you did last time, and just do what I said. Fight me, yell at me, refuse to give in. Promise me right now Alexandria."

I said, "I promise Tom. I will fight for you, for me, for our kids, for our life, for our love. I'm not going anywhere Tom. The kids and I will be here waiting for you."

I kissed him. We made love.

I said, 'Tom, I know you want to spend time with the kids, I'll go see if they are awake.

I got dressed and went to get the kids. Brought them in and put them in bed with us.  Tom had both of them in his arms.

I wanted to let Tom have alone time with them, so I went into the bathroom, but had the door open so I could hear them.

Tom said, "um God I don't know how to do this."  I heard him crying and it broke my heart.  I looked out and he was kissing both of them.

Tom said, "I never wanted to be a dad, but then I met your beautiful mommy, and I fell in love with your mommy, and I love being your dad. I'm the luckiest man in the world to have your mom and you two beautiful babies. Thomas, you made me a dad, and I love you son, so much, Alyssa I love being a girl dad. I love you sweetheart, so much. You are my baby girl. I want to watch both of you grow up, maybe make another brother or sister for you with your mommy. I want to be here you kids are my world. I love you so much. Every day with you has been the best days of my life, and the greatest gift. I am so terrified I am going to lose you. I wish I didn't have to have the surgery, but I couldn't tell your mommy no when she begged me. I hope I am doing the right thing. I know the doctor is right, and I am doing the right thing, but I'm scared. I don't know if I will make it out of surgery, and if I do, well the last time I messed up so bad, I almost lost your mommy."