𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐍 | 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗴𝗮𝗺𝗲𝘀

NINE

I'm trying my best to hold back tears when the doors of the elevator close. I had gone into today convinced that I would get a good score but now I'm second guessing it, was I just an idiot that got too much praise? I'm doubting everything I've ever done in the past few days of training now and it's getting harder to hold in my tears. Was hitting bullseye not enough? Was my performance at the Gauntlets not impressive enough? The more I think about it, the more frustrated I get and I can feel tears of frustration building up so I quickly wipe them away just as the elevator doors open on my district floor.

I'm welcomed back warmly by Stella, the victors and Gill. Surprisingly Valeria and Ophelia are also there, greeting me warmly. For the first time in a while, I have to force myself to crack a smile around them before I excuse myself to go to my room before bolting off immediately. I shut the door behind me and that's when the tears start flowing. I don't understand it. I had done my absolute best, and yet, it still wasn't good enough. I bury my face in my pillow to muffle my sobs. If father was here right now, he'd probably give me some kind of pep talk and how there was no point in crying over something that's already over or that I tried my best and that was all I could really do. So, I try to recall some of his pep talks but can't seem to remember any.

Then, I think about my score. What are the possibilities of my score being a bad one? Is there even a chance that they'd be good? If I don't get a good score what will happen to me? Surely it'd be hard for Finnick to find me sponsors and it'd be hard for the other Careers to form an ally with me knowing that I'm nothing but a failure and disappointment to my district.

I reach out for my bracelet which sits on my bedside table, holding it delicately between my fingers as I play with it. Any reminder of home would do me a great amount of good right now but the tears don't stop flowing. I place the bracelet against my chest where I feel my heart beating as I lay on the silk sheets of the bed, curled up in misery. I try to let my mind wander off into its own imagination and memories but it's instead filled with the endless possibilities of what might happen during the games and what my training score would be. I'm guessing I won't get anything higher than a 6.

Suddenly, I hear a knock at the door. "Oce, it's me, Finnick."

"What do you want?" I groan. All the crying has made my voice sound like a frog, but that's the least of my worries right now.

"I just want to talk," He shouts from outside the door. I roll out of bed reluctantly and open the door to find Finnick standing outside. Concern is written all over his face as we look at each other. After a while, I let him into my room and shut the door behind me. Immediately, he brings me into a warm embrace. "Talk to me about it."

I let out a sigh, "I'm scared." To say that I am scared is an understatement.

"That your training score won't be good?" He asks and I nod. "What makes you say that? You showed off your skills with the weapons, right?"

"Yes, but, the Gamemakers didn't look impressed at all," I shake my head as I pull out of the hug, "I even went on the Gauntlets and threw knives at the targets for goodness sake! I even hit bullseye! And yet they still seem unimpressed with it, laughing it off as if it's nothing! And I'm just so sick of feeling that anything and everything I do is not enough, why is it never enough?" It's at this point I start cracking and tears start to fall once again.

"This goes far beyond the training score, doesn't it?" He says, taking a seat on the edge of my bed and motioning for me to sit next to him.

"Well, I mean that's my main concern right now..."

"I'm sure you did great, Oce. You did your best and that's all you can ever do. Besides, even if you were to get a low score, no one would really pay attention to it. They only matter if they're very good, which I'm sure is what yours is," he smiles, "Now answer my question."