I sighed as I closed my eyes. My mind began to drift to a vivid memory.
*Flashback*
It was a Sunday night and we all had just got out of church so everyone decided to go to Texas Roadhouse to eat since no one had eaten before church, and they literally had the best rolls. I sat by Karen, Karen sat by Erin, Jacky sat on my other side, and there was Twinkie beside her. Erin had invited his friend, Aaron and Jacob was also with us. Things were going good for the most part that was until Erin and Aaron got up and excused themselves to the men's bathroom. Shortly after, I did the same seeing that I'd had a little too much to drink. I didn't mean to, but I ended up stumbling into a conversation that they were having. I didn't say anything, but I did eavesdrop.
"Man, how long do you think you gon' keep Karen in the dark about what you doing?" Aaron asked.
"Bruh, she don't got to know. You know the saying what you don't know won't hurt you? Well, I think it's fair to say that she don't need to know. She gon' be my wife and give me the boy that I've always wanted." Erin said.
"Boy, you know I'm yo friend and I've always supported you in everything you've done, but I can't say that I support this decision. You stepping out on Karen then you got this thing with Doe..."
My ears perked up at the mention of my name, because what was they talking about?
"Mane, that ain't nothing. Doe, she... she's different man. I can't put my finger on it. She just do something to me. She so fine bruh. I try to control myself, but if I'm being honest I don't know how much longer I can contain myself around her." Erin said.
"Do you hear yourself? You talking this way about your finance's sister. Snap out of it bruh!" Aaron yelled.
"I'm trying...."
I quickly made my way back to the front where everyone else was. I'd heard enough and to be honest I didn't even know what to do with the information that I'd just received. No one even noticed anything.
But that moment did plant a seed.
*Flashback Over*
When I finished telling them the story Jacky and Twinkie both had these looks on their faces.
"Soooo..... you mean to tell me that you knew that Erin had a thing for you?" Jacky asked.
I felt tears come to my eyes as I looked at them.
"I knew, but I promise I never meant to do anything with him. You guys have to believe me."
"Oh, stop that lying. Come on, you know that we don't buy that. Be honest with yourself at least for once." Twinkie said.
"That's the truth. If I wanted something from him it wouldn't have taken much to get it."
"So, you admit that you could have gotten anything from him?" Twinkie asked.
"Please, stop twisting my words. That's not what I meant." I said.
Rubbing her chin, Jacky looked at me.
"I think it's about how you word it not what you say, and I truly believe that the reason Karen is upset is because you haven't acknowledged your part that you played in what happened. Maybe if you did that things wouldn't be so bad for you." Jacky said.
Looking away from Jacky, I took a breath knowing that she was right.
"You don't have to do it right now, but at some point I would love it if you could be honest with yourself. I think that will be the first step to freedom." Jacky said.
"We love you, Dorinda. Do the right thing." Twinkie said, looking at me.
They both hugged me before leaving my house. I decided to call it a night early. Going to my room, I grabbed some clothes and decided on taking a bath. As I ran the bubble bath I laid in the tub and just allowed my thoughts to overtake me.
Was Jacky and Twinkie right? Was I to blame for the cause of the condition between Karen and I? The answer was yes. I mean I know that it takes two to tango. Erin didn't do anything that I didn't let him do that day. Karen was right. I could have stopped him. I could have said no. But the truth was that after finding out Jacob was cheating on me I just wanted someone who found me attractive to comfort me. That someone ended up being Erin. To know that I was still attractive and beautiful to someone brought me comfort and even though it was by my sister's fiancé that whole concept went out of my mind at that moment. I know that I was wrong and now I can finally admit it. I was ready to take ownership in my part. I told Karen that I would do whatever it took to make things right and that included being honest and transparent with her.
I was ready to own my truth.
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Short chappie but I just wanted to get something out. As usual let me know what ya'll think, k bye! 🥰❤️
