house gets a death note

house was playing an intense game of chess with himself. he was faced with an immense moral dilemma and he was playing chess to process it.

a patient had arrived today and the other doctors had started treating him and come to house for advice. as usual they were all being stupid, even house's husband wilson, so house told them the treatment they should do which was totally obvious btw.

house went to go look at the patient himself to think of some more epic treatments to save him. but when he saw the familiar face in the hospital bed he was so shocked!!!!! it was tumblr user guitarhateranddestroyer !!!!!! this tumblr user poster text posts and memes about destroying guitars because of how stupid and bad they were!!! house couldn't believe it... he couldn't treat an evil person like guitarhateranddestroyer !!!!!! house stormed out as fast as he could leaving the patient feeling confused and mistreated like they usually did.

house was moving his knight when he suddenly saw a notebook falling out of the sky!!! was there an intern or patient being stupid and throwing important medical notes!?!?! he decided he would get it so he could make fun of whoever dropped it. house made his way outside the hospital and picked up the notebook. "death note.." read house from the cover of the book. he opened up the book and saw there was a weird list of instructions.. "whoever's name is written in this book will die?" house read, quizzically. this was the stupidest prank ever. he took it to his office.

"hi." said a really scary thing in the corner eating an apple that did not manage to keep house away today. "you have my death note."
"well it's mine now haha." said house. "who are you."
"i'm ryuk." said the scary thing. "i'm a shinigami." he crunched the apple.
"is this real then?" asked house.
"yes, if you write someone's name in the death note they will die of a heart attack."
"hmmm" said house, "thanks for the help i needed this."
"i'm not helping you.. it doesn't matter to me i'm just here until you die or finish the death note. aren't you a doctor though???"
"yes.. and??"

house opened the death note dramatically and grabbed a pen.
guitarhateranddestroyer MOST PAINFUL HEART ATTACK EVER!!!!! wrote house.

a minute later a doctor ran in " doctor house!! the patient died of the most painful heart attack ever!!!!"
"oh no..." house said, secretly celebrating and told the doctor he'd be there in a minute. House opened the tumblr app on his phone and went to guitarhateranddestroyer's blog. House wrote an ask that said Justice is served on anon... nobody would ever know it was him with his death note..

house had also written in the death note that the patient would suddenly develop a heart condition that was undetectable until his death as a cover so the heart attack didn't look too sus and he could sound smart by discovering the condition. house stared lovingly at the beautiful guitar he had in his office, so happy that it was now safe from the evil guitarhateranddestroyer. he decided to play a quick victory song and then he went to see the other doctors. ryuk followed him but nobody but house could see him.
"what happened? why would he suddenly have a heart attack." asked a sad doctor.
"well he obviously had this heart condition that was undetectable to all of you until he died. duh." said house. the other doctors were angry and sad but secretly impressed with house's knowledge. house went back to his house, satisfied after another day of being super smart and killing guitar haters.

at home he sat down and his husband wilson came in. wilson was a bit sus looking.
"what?" asked house. "by the way i took ur food out of the freezer to put apples in it." said house. wilson sighed but he was used to his husband doing this.
"that patient.. was guitarhateranddestroyer right? the tumblr user you hate?"
"yes.. why?" asked house.
"did you not mention the condition on purpose so he would die because you wanted guitar hate to end?"
"that's stupid i saw him for like one minute. there's no way i could have known when the other doctors said they had it under control."
ryuk laughed in the background, eating a delicious frozen apple.
"sorry for doubting you.. i know you wouldn't do that." said wilson.
"it's ok babygirl." said house.

then wilson and house (and ryuk) lived happily ever after and house managed to doxx every guitar hater and find their face so he could kill them with the death note so guitars were now safe forever.

the end