I'm Also A We // Hyunlix

Pulling Strings

There's a pause then in their conversation. So much so that Hyunjin manages to push away any thoughts of kissing Felix, slipping them under a cover where they're safe and hidden. They've kissed and they've had sex, but somehow Hyunjin's no closer to understanding what he wants, what he'll allow himself to want, and what he's able to give.

"I'm scared about what will happen tomorrow," Felix whispers into the silence.

"Me too," Hyunjin offers after a moment of thinking. There's not much else to say. They've talked about it, over and over, and they've made their decision, all eight of them.

Another bout of silence settles between them, and it's not heavy, not laden with anything. It's tired, it's exhausted, the kind of silence that comes with a decision made when either option would cost them something.

Sleep is pulling at Hyunjin. It's harder to withstand that pull with Felix here, close and warm and real. He hovers already at the edge of dreaming.

Then Felix speaks again. "That night in Paris—," he starts, and Hyunjin keeps his eyes shut. While they've joked about it with the others, teasing each other with lewd comments to lighten the mood, Felix doesn't bring up their night together when it's just him. Like he's afraid to cross that threshold. Like he's tempting fate with it, and Hyunjin knows what it is, of course, he does. Felix is scared that if he brings it up Hyunjin will tell him he doesn't want to continue what they started. That his feelings are not the same. Hyunjin knows it's what it is only because he would do the same.

"I saw you."

Hyunjin's eyes fly open and he meets Felix's gaze in the dark.

"I saw you with the others."

Hyunjin frowns, not sure what Felix is getting at. "Would you rather... not have?" Hyunjin asks, sure that he's blushing and glad for the darkness, but he's confused now as to why Felix would say something like this after he seemed okay with it.

Felix shakes his head. "That's not what I mean." He searches for the right words. "If I'm not connected to you, how did I see you with the others? In their rooms? When you were with me?"

o

When the morning comes, Felix is already gone from his bed. Hyunjin reaches for him in his mind but only finds a busy sort of nervousness, something related to the day lying ahead of them and nothing more.

Hyunjin groans and turns in the bed, stretching loudly.

When he turns, Chan is hunched down on the floor, leaning against the wall.

"Aish," Hyunjin curses and buries his face in his cushion, trying to get his heartbeat to slow down. He didn't even feel him slip into his mind. "Knock the next time," he gasps, but Chan doesn't smile.

He looks worried.

"Am I making a mistake?" he asks and Hyunjin's heart leaps because Chan has always been so careful to hide his troubles from them. And even when he does share, Hyunjin is usually last on the list of people to be confided in.

It's what scares him now. And Chan notices.

He shrugs, and there's almost a smile on his lips. "Seems like the bond wanted me to talk to you. So what's the mistake you are afraid of making?"

It's a joke, the way Chan says it. Or at least he doesn't actually pry and wants Hyunjin to tell him even though they both know that there is something that makes them similar. Sameness. The bond always finds that.

Hyunjin doesn't reply but he thinks about it then, and that's almost the same thing. Thinks about Felix the way he had looked just last night, curled up in the bed next to him.