I'm Also A We // Hyunlix

Pulling Strings

The first day of KCON is only rehearsals and photo shoots, and they're all getting accustomed to the rhythm and the sounds, but the events of the next days are already foreshadowing. It's palpable in the air, Hyunjin thinks, like he can already hear the stomping of tens of thousands of feet on the ground, the screams of a crowd, the beats of the music. And the fake, greasy smile of their boss who would be here in the morning.

"We're up next," Felix tells him, not turning to meet his glance, but pressed so close to Hyunjin's left side that there's no need.

Hyunjin squeezes Felix's knee, and it feels like a step in the right direction. "Okay, let's go."

o

Dinner is with members of some other groups, of Nmixx and Itzy and Enhypen, and still Hyunjin chooses to sit next to Felix, earning a brilliant smile, and he feels guilty for giving so little and getting so much in return.

Lily shrugs, glancing at Chan before biting into her food. "I don't know, you just seem a little nervous."

Both Yeji and Ryujin exchange a glance first with each other and then with Chan, and on the other side of Hyunjin, Felix sinks further into his seat. Hyunjin grabs his hand under the table, squeezing it once.

Chan laughs. "I do get nervous about a performance once in a while, nothing wrong with that."

Minho comes to the rescue, teasing their leader, and soon Seungmin chimes in.

They're selling normal, and a shiver runs through Hyunjin when he notices how well it works.

o

Felix's fear bleeds through just when Hyunjin's about to fall asleep. It's not a surprise, not really, not with the day waiting for them, and yet, Hyunjin bolts upright when he feels it, coughing and catching his breath as if he's waking up from a bad dream. It's poisonous that fear. It is acid and fire, and Hyunjin remembers panic attacks all too well but this is lower in intensity only it doesn't seem to ever stop.

He flips his light back on and then fumbles for his phone. He's sure he's minutes away from one of the others showing up and begging Hyunjin to do something.

'Come over?' he texts Felix and then waits until he sees him come online.

'I don't want to keep you up.'

Hyunjin snorts and doesn't point out that it's already happening. 'Come over,' he texts back, adding his room number.

It takes three minutes. Hyunjin is waiting by the door and opens it before the sound of Felix's knock has faded.

"Sorry," Felix mumbles and slips inside.

They've been here before. So many times, in so many iterations. With so many different endings.

This time once more, Felix crawls into Hyunjin's bed, Hyunjin after him, turning the light off. The fear is still there, at the surface, and Hyunjin almost wants to test if he can brush it away with his hands, like wiping away water after a shower.

"Iyen-ah stopped taking the suppressants," he says instead, and it has the desired effect when Felix's fear falls into the background for a moment.

"He told you?" Little puffs of air land against Hyunjin's lips when Felix speaks. He didn't realize they huddled so close, but now that he does, he can't help but think about Felix's lips. About kissing him. About doing more than that.

Hyunjin swallows. "Yeah. I saw him throw away the pills on the plane."

"Good." Felix nods and his eyes are wide and dark and beautiful. "That's good."