Invisible Strings

Chapter Forty

"Oh baby, no." I said, hugging Chloe's little body tightly against mine as tears streamed down my face and clogged my voice. "Daddy loved you. There is no doubt in my mind about that. He just, well, he had his own way of showing it."

"No, he didn't mama." she said around her tears as her shoulder shook uncontrollably.

"Bird, I know daddy wasn't always there for you–"
"Daddy was a piece of shit." said Chloe, her words shocking me so much that it took me a minute for the words to sink in. And even as they did, I still wasn't sure I'd heard her correctly.

"Who told you that, Bird." I said, trying to keep my voice stern so that she knew that I needed to know. Chloe looked remorseful when she answered, telling me how she had overheard Pop Pop saying it to Gigi.
"Chloe, listen to me." I said. I waited until I knew she was paying attention before adding, "You're daddy was a lot of things and people form opinions of them based on their actions. I can't lie to you and tell you that Daddy was the perfect man because the truth is, none of us are perfect . We all have our flaws, we all have things in our heads that make us do and say things that others might not agree with, but I want you to remember one thing. I want you to remember that no matter what Pop Pop or anyone else says about your daddy, he loved you in the only way that he knew how. I want you to remember that daddy wasn't perfect, he made a lot of mistakes, but you and Colton were his two greatest accomplishments, even if he didn't show the two of you that all the time."
"He never answered when we called," said Chloe. "And when we were at the race, he spent more time with Willie than he did with us. We spent more time with Dillon than we did daddy."

"You know daddy's schedule was always crazy when he was at the track." I said, fighting the bitter taste of bile that threatened to send me running to the bathroom because of my untrue words. I hated that I was making excuses for him again. I hated that at seven years old, my daughter knew that the amount of time he spent working instead of with them wasn't right. Hated the fact that at such a young age, she knew that her daddy could have done more for them, spent more time with them, and been there for them if he had really wanted to.

And all of it made the anger I felt at him –the anger I tried to hide from the kids– reach a boiling point. I wanted to tell her exactly how much of a sorry excuse for a father he was, wanted to tell her that Pop Pop was right about Alex being a piece of shit, wanted to tell her that I wish I had chosen anyone else to be their father aside from him. But I didn't. I didn't say any of those things because it wasn't the right thing to do. No matter what feelings I had for Alex, pushing them on my daughter or my son wasn't something that I would ever do. I hadn't done it when he was alive and I damn sure wasn't going to do it after his death, no matter if my feelings were validated or not.
Many people might not agree with me on wanting to make sure that the kids —at least while they are young— have a good vision of their father. And that was perfectly fine. They might say that I was doing the wrong thing by letting them have this big fake picture of who their father was but the way I looked at it, they would find out sooner rather than later just how selfish Alex really was. If letting them live a delusional life for as long as possible, if shielding them from the ugly things they would find out eventually was the wrong thing to do, then I would gladly take on the fallout of it all when the time comes. But I will never regret not burdening them with things that they don't need to worry about at such a young age; and that includes Dillon and her claims to being pregnant.

Movement out of the corner of my eye pulled my attention to the doorway. Colton was standing there, the same defeated look on his face that Chloe had been wearing only moments before. Seeing him standing there only solidified my decision to shield them from the ugliness of the word.

Much like I'd done with Chloe, I opened my arms and told him to climb up in my lap. He climbed onto the couch beside me instead, resting his face against my chest as I draped and arm over his shoulders. He didn't say anything for a long time, neither did Chloe or I. The three of us just sat there, in the quiet, and soaking in one another.

"Mama," said Colton.

"What's up, bubba?"

"'Member when Bird wanted to know if Brantley was going to be our daddy? And then I said that I wanted him to be too?" Asked Colton after a while, his words shocking me.

"Yes." I said. And I did, I didn't remember. I also remembered that Brantley being a father to the kids had been the topic of mom and I's conversation on the day I learned of Alex's accident and his condition.
"Well, do you think if I asked him that he would be our daddy?" Asked Colton.

Before I could respond, Brantley's deep voice rumbled from the archway between the living room and kitchen. His voice was filled with emotion and I knew if I looked into his eyes, I would see tears there, even though he would desperately try to hide them. "You never have to ask if I would be that for either of you." Brantley said, closing the distance between us. He sat down on the coffee table and reached for each of the kids' hands with his own. He held them tightly as he looked at each of them, giving me a chance to see those tears I knew would be there momentarily.

"Since the day I met you two, I have cared about y'all. There have been these invisible strings tying all of us together since that day. So if you want me to be your father, I will be more than happy to take that role. And I promise to both of you," he looked into each of the kids' eyes before lowering them to my stomach briefly, ending with them locked with mine, "I will be the best father that I know how to be. I will love you unconditionally. And I will make sure that you never have to wonder if you all are important to me. You won't be my step children in my eyes. You will be my kids, kids that I know I will be proud of no matter what you do with your life as you get older."

If Brantley's intention was to make me ugly cry, then he was successful. But even if I knew my face was a total mess, his words made me feel so much love in that moment that I couldn't care less about my looks