Angel and Hellfire

Chapter 19

Sam was trying to talk with John on the phone but, (y/n) could hear John wasn't happy now that they were arguing.
"Dean, get up. Hurry." She whispered to him.
His eyes fluttered open and he looked at her. Then he heard Sam and rolled the other way into a sitting position.
"Is that dad? Give me the phone." Dean said holding out his hand.
Sam continued to argue with John until Dean finally took the phone and talked to John. He ended up grabbing a pen to write down the names of several people. John hung up on him. (Y/n) got angry at that. The very least John could do is not talk to his boys like the drill sergeant he thinks he is.
The boys started to argue while (y/n) laid on the bed with her eyes closed. Eventually, she just got annoyed with it rolled out of bed and walked to the door.
"Where you going?" Sam asked quickly.
"Walk." And she walked out the door slamming it behind her. She walked for a few blocks and checked out the nice houses here, secretly wishing she could have a normal life. Preferably with Dean, a couple kids, maybe a pet. Unfortunately, she could never give that to him. Something was wrong with her. Every time she's gotten pregnant she's miscarried at the 60 day mark. Like clockwork. It was hard on her. Physically and emotionally draining when it happened like that. It was torture on her. Because to this day she still couldn't make up her mind on whether or not she wanted children.

On the one hand, she loved them so much. Hallie is one of her favorite children. She watched her grow up from birth to now and only feels more amazed by her everyday. On the other hand, she's not sure she would be a good mother. What if she wasn't cut out for it? What if her child hated her as it got older. Could she handle the rejection from her own child? She already didn't have parents in her life. She couldn't handle it if her own kid didn't want her.
She constantly over thought all of it, all the time. Looking down at the ground, she kicked the dirt and began her walk back to the motel.  Wiping a stray tear, she looked up to see Dean waiting for her at the edge of the parking lot.
"Nice walk?"
"Always is."
He pulled her in for a hug and stood there together watching the sunrise.
"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me!" Dean sang and they both laughed. Lifting her chin up to face him, he kissed her and put his forehead to hers.
"Someday, sweetheart. We will get that apple pie life. And it's going to be amazing." He whispered to her and gave one more kiss.
"Let's load up, we're headed to Indiana." Dean said and took her hand.
"What's in Indiana? John sending us on another hunt?" She asked.
"Yeah he is. Couples go missing every year. Second week of April. Needs us to check it out."
"Gee. I'm so glad it's the second week of April. Where's Sam?" She asked.
"He's irritated with me and with dad. Wants to go find him."
"You went all 'John' on him again didn't you." She stated and pulled him back to talk to her for a minute.
"What do you mean 'I went John on him'?"
"You know exactly what I mean.... You're not him, Dean. Please stop trying to be him and be better than him. He's not worth ruining your relationship with Sammy over." She placed a hand on his cheek and pulled his gaze down to hers.
"I know he's not perfect (y/n). He gave me an order. I need to go check out Indiana, and Sammy keeps arguing. It's just getting too much for me right now to worry about it all. I'm trying to be patient, but it's wearing thin."
"Okay. Let's go check out Indiana, then we are all three of us having a talk about this. It's getting to be nuts, and we haven't even been back together for a full month yet. We already need a break, Dean."
"Alright. Yeah you're right. Come on sweetheart."

They got back to the room and Sam already had everything packed up and he was in the driver seat, looking irked.
'Oh boy, Sam's not gonna make this easy.' She thought.

They were on the road, headed to Indiana. Boys still arguing about going to find John. Dean was getting irritated, but so was Sam. (Y/n) could tell they've been cooped up together for too long. They were going to need a break soon. She watched the scenery from the back seat when Sam suddenly hit the brakes and pulled off to the side of the road. He got out of the car and opened the trunk with the other two following.
"Sam what's going on?" She asked.
"I'm going to find dad. He called from a California area code. I'm going to him." He said and turned around.
The boys started to argue again when (y/n)'s phone started ringing from the backseat. She reached in to see it was Helen calling so she walked to the other side of the car to answer.
"Hey mama, how's everything going?" She said brightly.
"Auntie (y/n)? It's Hallie. Whatcha doin?" Hallie asked shyly.
"Oh Hal! Hey baby girl, how are you doing!! I miss you so much!" (Y/n) quickly changed her tone to accommodate the young girl.
"I'm good! I just miss you and wanted to call... when are you coming back to visit?" She chirped from the other end.
"Well I was planning on soon here coming up. Why, do I need to come back early? Please tell me everything is okay, sweetie." She got kinda quiet asking the little one.
"Oh yeah, everything is fine, I just miss you..." Hal sounded off at the statement.
"You're not being truthful, Hal. I can always tell. So let's back up and try again, okay? What's bothering you baby?" (Y/n) asked.
"Well, I just don't want you to get mad. Promise me you won't get upset." Hal said quickly.
"Hallie, if it's bad I can't promise that. That would be a lie. Why don't you just tell me, and I will tell you if it upset me. Deal?"
"(Y/n) what's going on? Everything okay?" Dean asked.
(Y/n) turned around and seen Sam walking the other direction a ways down the road.
"One sec Hal. Dean? Where's Sam going?" She asked with a very fake smile.
"He's going to California to find dad. I'm leaving to Indiana. Hallie on the phone?" Dean said.
"Jesus Christ, Dean!" She said getting frustrated.
"What's Hallie need?" He asked.
"Sorry Hal, what's going on sweetheart? Tell me the problem." She put the phone on speaker.
"Well... there's a new girl at school. I wanted to be friends with her. But she started making fun of me and picking on me. You said I could call you if I needed anything... so I called.." Hallie spoke quietly.
"Now who could possibly find a reason to pick on you my sweet girl?"
"Are you mad?"
"No I'm not mad. Why did you think I'd be mad?"
"Because she makes fun of me for not having a mommy anymore... mommy and kids day is coming up at school and she says I can't go because I don't have a mommy anymore!" Hallie started to cry, which in turn made (y/n) tear up and Dean looked sad. She wiped a tear and spoke softly to Hallie, " Hal, I want you to listen to me very carefully, I am not mad, I am sad, but I will not be mad about this. When is mommy and kids day, sweetie?"
"Next.. Wednesday.. can you. Come with me?so I'm not all alone?" Hallie choked out.
"I will be there, Hal. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Count me in!" (Y/n) said trying to sound like she wasn't about to cry..
"Really?? Oh thank you auntie! I'm gonna go plan my outfit for it! Can we match?"
"We can match for sure! That will be so much fun!! I love you Hal! Don't ever forget that! We all love you!"
"I love you too auntie (y/n). I won't forget. Thanks! Oh, grandma is calling me for school. I gotta go! Bye!"
"Bye Hallie! Have a great day!"
"You too!" And with that, Hallie hung up the phone.
(Y/n) sat on the hood of the car and cried with her face in her hands. Dean came over and wrapped his arms around her for comfort.
"Why do kids have to be so mean? Life is hard enough without being an ass." She said.
"Hal will be fine. She's got something we never had growing up. You and your sisters." Dean said.
"She shouldn't have to go through this though. It's not fair Dean!"
"I know it's not, sweetheart, but you will make it better. I know you will. Come on, let's finish this case then head back to Rhode Island for some down time."
(Y/n) let out a deep sigh and climbed off the hood. Looking back down the road she could just barely see Sam.
"You're sure you wanna let him go off on his own, Dean?" She asked.
"Yeah he's gonna be fine. He will call when he finds dad and everything will be okay. Let's go."
They both got in the car and she watched as Sam slowly disappeared from sight.