Untamed | Halsin x TAV One-Shots

Prologue II

• • •

I froze in the doorway, unsure if I could detect her chest rising and falling under the furs. It was labored and shallow but upon closer inspection her breaths were still coming to her, albeit raspier than I would have preferred.

Nettie hadn't exaggerated. The poor girl was drenched in sweat as if she had gone for a swim in the river. I brushed her hair away from her forehead, the strands of gold that glistened in the torchlight reminding me of sunshine. Her freckles across her nose almost seemed to sparkle under the layer of sweat that coated her cheeks. My heart squeezed at her condition, guilt flooding my body and soul.

At my touch, her eyes fluttered before parting, just enough to peer up at me dazily as if I had awoken her from a deep dream.

"Hello, big one," she mumbled softly, her lip twitching into a small smirk. "I decided until you get my name right, that's how I will refer to you."

I exhaled a relieved chuckle, astounded that she still had her humor intact.

"Fair is fair." I grinned and glanced at Nettie as she prepared the antitoxin. No doubt Kagha would be on my heels later about requesting venom samples from her viper companion, but that would be a headache for another day.

"I can't promise this will taste particularly delicious, but I promise you, this will cure you of your ailments," I explained, feeling her forehead to examine the extent of her fever.

"You sure have been promising a lot of things to me lately," she noted, that same weak grin tugging on the corner of her plump lips.

My hand lingered for a moment longer than I had intended, drawn into the gaze of her earthy green eyes that could have been mistaken for hazel if I weren't so close.

"You are right," I conceded. "I wouldn't blame you for withholding your trust in me altogether given your current circumstances."

She pondered for a moment, closing her eyes and allowing her head to slowly loll to the side closest to me. "Mm, brave of you to assume I trusted you to begin with."

I heard Nettie snort a chuckle behind me as she shook the contents of the vial, integrating the venom samples with the potion to create the antitoxin.

Emlyn's whisper of a grin grew into a smirk. "If it weren't for you I would have died one way or another. I will happily take all of your undue promises over being eaten by those damn goblins."

My heart clenched at picturing her successfully making her daring escape from those goblins, believing she was home free only to suffer and fall to her current condition, all alone. I would never allow that notion to fully alleviate the guilt of my oversight, but it dulled the sting if only slightly.

I wrapped her hand in mine, her tiny fingers easily encompassed in my considerable grip. "I do not so easily forgive my failures, but in time, I hope that you can."

She squeezed my hand lightly before I released it, instantly missing the softness against my fingertips. I moved aside so that Nettie could get to work, overseeing the process from afar.

As I watched on, a slow, glowing reprieve began to fill my body, knowing that she was safe. Yet I was still plagued by questions that I would eventually need answers to, not only for the safety of the grove I was responsible for but the newly arrived refugees who shared our home. Everything in my soul trusted the Oak Father and his judgement. Emlyn must have his blessing to have survived so much in such a short amount of time. But I was painfully wary of my missteps as of late, and I could not allow myself to make yet another. 

• • •

EMLYN

For all of his efforts to reassure me that he would be true to his promises, I wish he had lied to me about the particularly bitter flavor of the antitoxin potion. The forewarning didn't make it any better.

But despite the terrible taste, he wasn't wrong about it curing me. Within a few hours my fever had broken and by the next morning I was able to eat soup without the urge to retch it.

He hadn't come to see me after delivering the potion. I tried not to be disappointed over it. He had larger, more important responsibilities to care for. I'm sure I was on the bottom rung of priorities when it came to running a grove, seeing as I was just a stranger passing through. But I couldn't stop my heart from aching in subtle disappointment when Nettie would greet me each morning instead of the large elf and his infectious smile.

Once my strength returned, Nettie agreed that I was ready to venture from the catacombs of the grove and finally feel some sunshine on my face. My owl shape longed to be released and swoop amongst the trees again, but I knew that with the lingering dull ache in my shoulder that it was best not to push my luck if I could avoid it. Regardless, I was eager to get out of the caves and into fresh air.

"I can help, Nettie, really." I tried to reach for the basket of damp rags and bucket on the floor again, but she swatted me away.

"No, no, you go on, moving around will be good for you. And it's about time you get the opportunity to meet some of the other folks around here," she encouraged and lifted the basket in her arms.

I gave her a sideways smile and glanced around the room. "I'm sure Halsin will appreciate having his private quarters all to himself again."

It was quite impressive. The sheer size of the room alone carved out of the stone, lit with candles and a few torches along the walls. The bed was massive, easily able to hold up to five people if they were comfortable with each other, draped in furs of all sizes and colors. My cheeks heated at the reminder that not only had I been permitted to lay in his bed, soaking in his scent of cedar and musk, but I had sweated all over it. Maybe I should replace some of them...

"You'd be surprised," she clucked and led me toward the door. "Master Halsin frequently prefers to sleep under the stars than confined to a cave."

I was surprised by that. I remembered the grand lengths that Amarande had gone to in his private quarters as leader of the Shadow Druids, living like a king amidst his grove. But Halsin continued to prove he was Amarande's opposite in almost every way. It was confounding and refreshing at the same time.

"I see." I nodded and followed her into the tunnels.

"Now, you go on that way through the common area and up the stairs which will lead you to the shrine's garden. From there, you can find your way around." She tipped her chin toward the exit. "Just be sure to rest as you need to and take things slow."

"Thank you, Nettie," I replied, a genuine smile forming on my lips. "I never got to tell you how much I appreciated your efforts to aid me."

She returned the grin. "It's my pleasure and my life's purpose. I'm happy to have helped."

Damn, I wanted to hug her. It was all so new to me, being around other people, much less fellow druids who were not keen on bending me to their biased mentality. I had spent so much time surviving on my own that I had almost forgotten what it was like to have people in your life that you care about, not just wildlife.

With each corner I turned, I found myself on-edge like a sneaking cat, anxious of being startled. I wasn't quite sure if I was truly ready to meet new people at the moment, but my craving for sunlight outweighed the dread of interacting with other druids, so forced my legs one tentative foot at a time up the stairs.

When the warm light beaming down from the sky grazed my skin for the first time, it felt like taking a first breath after almost drowning. Blinking and shielding my eyes to adjust to the brightness, I took deep breaths to relish in the sweet smells of flowers and grass. Gods, I missed this.

"Well it's about time you've risen."

A sharp voice snapped me from my calm, setting me on edge again. As I realized who the voice came from, I felt validated in my defensive response.

Her penetrating eyes studied me, lips pulled down in a stern, displeased line. "I hoped that in using up our time and resources intended for the druids of this grove you would see fit to pay it back one way or another," she pointedly remarked. Her firey red hair seemed to indicate her infernal demeanor. I had met giant spiders nicer than this druid.

"I don't have any coin on me, but I–"

"In case no one has informed you, we are not a charity house," she sneered, crossing her arms over her chest. "Though, some have seemed to forget as of late"

She muttered the last bit but I couldn't miss the spike of bitterness in her words.

"Look, I'm not here to cause trouble," I eased, clawing at any way out of this verbal assault. "I'll leave as soon as I can."

"The sooner the better." she stepped closer, looming over me. "We don't need any more outsider mouths to feed."

This confrontation was in jarring contrast to the welcoming hospitality that emanated from my experiences with Nettie and Halsin. If anything, this woman reminded me all too much of the Shadow Druids, causing a dark chill to running up my spine.

"And here I thought this grove strove to sustain the balance of all life," I snipped, dusting off my fortitude.

"It does," a voice boomed from behind, startling me.

Halsin didn't meet my eyes as he strode beside me, instead stare was pinned on the female druid who brandished the Emerald Grove's emblem.

"And that is why Kagha would do well to remember that nature replenishes and provides within that balance," he clarifies, a sternness in his tone that I had yet to experience before.

"I only wish to be mindful of the efforts spent housing these refugees and other vagabonds that should be put toward our missions of maintaining the nature we are sworn to protect," Kagha counters, her words less sharp than before. It was satisfying to see this dog leashed.

"Your concerns are noted, Kagha, as they were before." He curtly nods before placing his hand on my shoulder and guiding me away.

I didn't dare sneak a glance as we turned our backs to her, though in doing so I feared I was offering a target to a vicious serpent, poised and ready to strike.

"You will have to forgive her behavior," Halsin finally uttered once we were out of earshot, heading toward a path on a rocky hill overlooking the garden. "Her passion for the nature that we dedicate ourselves to is fierce, but so is her protectiveness over it."

"I can see that," I remark, my eyebrows raising in reflection of her ruthlessness.

"Do not let her words infect your intentions," he advised, guiding me up the path at a slow pace. "She only means to shield the family we have here from any potential threat, even when there is none."

"I'm not so sure about that." I shrug my shoulders. "How do you know I'm not one?"

To this, he laughed and sat down on a large rock, shaking his head. His laugh was as calming as thunder in a summer rainstorm. "Then I would urge Silvanus to find a new Archdruid with much better judgment than I."

I grinned at that and seated myself next to him, my feet barely able to reach the ground as I relaxed against the warm stone. I wasn't sure how he was able to do it, to make me feel so at ease so effortlessly.

"It's beautiful," I comment, eyes taking in the sights of the grove below. All the rock formations covered in vines, the sound of water crashing into rocks along the shore, and the various animals that wandered around the hollow. It was everything I knew Amarande had wanted from his grove of Shadow Druids, but without the smell of death lingering in the air. Instead, this one breathed of live, vitality, and hope.

He follows my gaze and nods. "Like many who reside here, it had quite a tumultuous beginning. But over the past century we've found our footing. We still have areas where I hope to see our numbers and strength grow," he implied with a not-so-subtle tone. 

"Nettie mentioned that you would have questions for me," I hastily redirect, wanting to side-step wherever he intended that conversation to lead. Nettie was quick to let me know that I could trust that anything I confessed would never reach another's ears from her lips. But she also pointed out that Halsin would need to know more, as their leader who had brought in a stranger. It was only fair after everything he had done for me.

"I do not need to know anything beyond what you are willing to share," he assured. "From what I've gathered, Nettie trusts you, and I trust her judgement implicitly," he stated with more certainty than I deserved while leaning forward to rest his forearms against his thighs. 

It took everything in me to not stare at the sheer size of his hulking arms, how they flexed with even the slightest movement.

Focus, Emlyn! I scolded myself, diverting my eyes once more, though I couldn't help but sense his warm gaze lingering on me.

Trust. He trusts you. Conflict rose in my belly like bile. All at once I wanted to relish in that warm sensation between us and at the same time, fear slid its way into my mind at the concept of settling in here, let alone anywhere.

"Well, uh," I stumble to play it off. "What would you like to know?"

He paused for a moment, surely sorting through the questions in his mind to tactfully begin this loose interpretation of an interrogation. Nerves in my stomach began to bubble like butterflies at the possibilities of what he might ask of me.

"Well, I suppose we could always start with where you are from." 

Could have been much worse, but not my favorite question to dodge either. "Just north of the Cloakwood."

I expected him to quickly follow up with some inquisition about the Shadow Druids who resided in those woods similar to Nettie's quick wit, but thankfully he skipped over that.

"So what is it that brought you north of the river? It's no a casual stroll to get here from the Cloakwood," he noted thoughtfully.

"No, it wasn't. I was following that goblin horde," I clarified, reflecting on the treacherous terrain that I endured along the way. "This particular gang seemed to have their teeth sunk into the black markets of Baldur's Gate, dealing in all types of animal trades." I grit my teeth, remembering all of the animals I couldn't save whose carcasses were shipped off across the continent.

It was so damn easy to talk with him, as if we had known each other our whole lives and we were simply catching up after a year apart. The ease at which I was forthcoming information to him was alarming. I was beginning to wonder if he had slipped me an elixir of truth in my tea this morning.

I brushed my tangled hair over my shoulder and shrugged in finality. "I needed to escape the Cloakwood anyway, so I figured that was all the motivation I needed."

My lips tightened right after I said it, realizing I let a bit of information slip that I hadn't quite intended.

"And you were all alone the whole time?" He wondered aloud, almost as if I were not supposed to hear it.

"Yes, um, my parents died a very long time ago. It's always just been me."

Halsin's eyebrows knit together. "Were you not guided by a grove during your time in the Cloakwood?"

I stared back into his peaceful eyes, studying them. I saw nothing but warmth and kindness and a genuine curiosity that didn't prod into my consciousness demanding answers. Instead, he appeared more as if he was concerned.

"I used to," I answered shortly.

He waited in silence as I gathered my thoughts, debating if I allow the dam to open just enough for a trickle to pour out. I can trust him, I assured myself with a deep sigh.

"My father was a carpenter who lived south of Baldur's Gate and my mother was a Shadow Druid. Gods know how or why they met each other, but he must have done something she was fond of because they had me. Not that I was worth it in the end." I paused to clasp my hands together between my knees.

"Once the Archdruid discovered my origins, he saw my father as a threat to their grove and killed him." I tightened my lips into a line. "From then on, I was raised solely by my mother who was often sent off on missions or long treks, anything so that Amarande could have more time with us younglings apart from our parents."

My lower lip began to twitch. "From a young age he tried to sow the seeds in our heads that all outsiders were threats to nature, that there was no such thing as balance. My mother saw things differently. I'm not sure if that was my father's influence, but she did everything she could to undo all that he preached to me in secret, teaching me of the balance in nature and all living things."

I realized I had been squeezing my hands so hard my knuckles turned white. I heaved another sigh to relax and continued to babble, the words mindlessly coming forth like a stream quickening its flow after a heavy rain.

"One day she was sent out on a mission and never returned. Amarande hardly acknowledged her supposed death and forbid anyone in the grove utter her name," I recalled, wiping my damp palms on my pants. "When I came of age, I expressed my desire to venture into the wilderness like the other druids. I planned to use that guise as a way to effortlessly escape right under their noses."

I closed my eyes to prevent the images from flashing in my mind.

"He...um...Instead he chained me to his bed in his private quarters. Told me that I was a traitor just like my whore mother, but he refused to waste an opportunity to continue a healthy druid bloodline," I rasped, my voice becoming weak. I hadn't noticed the tears forming until I felt the lump in my throat form like a stone blocking a creek.

I swallowed them down and continued. "I was told my duty was to produce more druid offspring for the 'cause,'" I spat, bitterness filling my mouth. "It took months before I was able to lockpick the chains. I waited until he was gone on a private mission and snuck out of the fortress. I never looked back."

I wasn't sure if Halsin had even breathed throughout the duration of my tale for how still he was, aside from the occasional blink. It was then that I gathered the courage in my heart to look at his face, surprised to find an expression of collected disdain.

"Oak Father forgive me," he growled under his breath as he processed everything I said.

What in gods names were you thinking? I chastised, my face suddenly heating with the dreadfully embarrassing realization that I had just dumped every single thing in my life that had ever haunted me right onto that giant lap of his as if he needed yet another problem to solve. I wasn't a charity case that needed to be protected or cared for, he'd done his job ten times over just by healing me. I had lost sight of who I was, the mission that was my own to chase, and I was abruptly aware of a suffocating sensation filling my chest.

"Oh my gods." My flightiness suddenly took control of my limbs. "I'm sorry." I stood up quickly, backing away a few steps. "I said too much, I haven't had anyone to talk to in a really long time and I just let myself get carried away." My mouth hurled the words before I could rein myself in, my fingers finding a lock of hair and twisting it. "I'm so sorry, look, Kahga is right, I'm all better now, so I should just go–"

"Kahga is right about many things, but this is not one of them," he countered, standing to face me.

Everything in my humiliated being begged for me to fly away, as hard and fast as I could manage, the mortification lighting every inch of my body on fire. "Even still, I should go, I hadn't meant to stay here so long in the first place. Thank you, for everything you did for me, for saving me from those damned goblins, but I can handle myself from here on out." I backed further away from him despite something deep within my body being drawn to his.

"No, you can't," he started, attempting to close the distance between us.

My eyebrows knit together as I narrowed my eyes, all of my suspicions rearing its nasty head. "What?"

"Silvanus slay me, that's not what I meant, I–"

"Look, I get it, you're the big, bear Archdruid around these parts. These people are lucky to have you, you're doing a fantastic job, but I have other places that need me. So thank you for your hospitality and your healing and please thank Nettie for me but, I just– I can't–"

"Emlyn, wait–"

"Goodbye, Halsin."

I quickly turned away from him before I could embarrass myself even further. I launched myself off the rocks and forced my body to shift into my owl. Despite a slight strain and a moment of concern that I would reject the change and plummet into the grove below, my wings expanded to capture the wind as I glided over the mountainside, flapping roughly to ease the ache in my right wing.

I didn't care which direction I was headed, and with all things considered, it didn't really matter as long as I put distance between me and the Emerald Grove. I was on my own once again, just how I preferred it. 

• • •

Three Days Later

I stab my knife into the fish carcass, the blood and internal viscera coating my hands as I ready it to be cleaned. Droplets run down the rock I'm using as a table and run into the stream, vanishing amidst the clear water as if it was never red to begin with. Washed away from existence.

What I would give to wipe my mind clean. To scrub the feeling of his hand clutching mine from my memory, those damned green eyes, that knowing smile.

My lips curl in a snarl and I stab the fish again, this time in the gills. The action is satisfying, the bitterness burning through my hands and into my blade. I bring the knife down again, piercing its lifeless eye, again, through the side of its temple, again, again, again.

I let a wail of fury bellow out of my throat and jam the blade into the belly, the handle sticking straight in the air.

I was a fool. A damned, naive fool, who made a complete and utter joke of herself. It felt like my soul had been torn in two halves. A part of me longed to continue deeper into the mountains, continue my mission of tracking the black market trades and remain isolated from others like me.

But the other part, much quieter, and deeper down in the depths of my being, longed to be in his company again.

No. I shook my head. If you go back there, you'll be trapped just like before, I insisted. If you go back, you'll never want to leave. You'd never be free.

I couldn't relinquish my freedom. Not after I risked everything I had left to get it. It still didn't feel as if I had enough distance between myself and the Emerald Grove to alleviate the burning humiliation in my chest.

But he's different, something in my mind whispered.

I scowled and glanced at my ruined dinner, the carcass a mangled mess of scales and organs. I saw myself in its place then, my body lifeless and speared, ready to be eaten.

That should have been me. He didn't have to help, but he did. He didn't have to trust me, but he did. Halsin didn't just listen to me, he heard every little thing I had to say without interjection or complaint and looked at me as if after all that like he wanted to embrace me. And I ran off like an emotionally-flustered child.

The voice deep inside began to grow louder with resolve. Your war should be raged with the goblins and Shadow Druids, not yourself. Just admit it; you like him.

I rub my forehead with my palm and wipe away strands of blood-splattered hair, heaving a heavy sigh in resolution. 

Fuck.