Troubled Stars - Layne Staley/Jerry Cantrell

25

Jerry shut his door behind him and made his way over to his bed. It looked empty without Layne lying in it and Jerry missed it already. He knew it was only this morning Layne was asleep next to him but now it's just different without him. Quieter and lonelier.

He crawled over by the head of his bed and sat crisscrossed, letting his chin rest on his hands. Jerry had a lot of thinking to do.

What was he to do about him and Layne's relationship? Would this end up being the end? Jerry prayed to god that this wasn't gonna be the end. But he can't just forgive Layne for lying to him like that, especially about something so serious.

Jerry took a deep breath and buried his face in his hands, fighting back his tears.

"Jesus christ." He muttered to himself. He began to let his mind run.

'If I'm gonna stay with Layne, I want him to be clean. So I'll have to talk to him about it and see what he says. If he says no, then I have no choice but to end our relationship. If he says yes, I'll be the happiest fucking thing ever. I'll make sure to keep an eye on him, check his arms, ask him how he's been feeling, all that shit. As controlling as it sounds, I just want him to be safe. He's my boy. I don't want to lose him.'

Jerry sat in his room for the next hour or two, smoked a couple cigarettes and just thought about everything. It resulted in him crying a couple times, but he was ready. Jerry was ready to face Layne now.

He doubted his cigarette butt in the ash tray on the window sill, then got up from his bed. Jerry stretched his body, due to him being sat down in the same spot for so long.

Before heading to Layne's room, Jerry took a peak downstairs to see if Sean and Mike were still up. Then again, it was only just hitting twelve in the night and they all had a bad habit of staying up late. Sean and Mike were still sitting on the couch, both of them seeming to be fixated on whatever was playing on the little box tv.

Jerry turned around and walked down the hall, it feeling strangely long of a walk though it was only about ten or more steps. He didn't give a warning, like a knock or 'hey, can I come in?' Jerry just twisted the door knob to Layne's room and opened his door slowly.

He peaked his head in and seen Layne, who was sat down on his bed. Layne immediately noticed someone at his door and looked up, then Jerry realized how miserable he looked.

"Can I come in?" Jerry asked, wanted to make sure Layne was okay with it.

"Yeah." He replied, his voice cracked with the one word he spoke. Jerry walked in, shutting the door behind him and walking over to Layne's bed, taking a seat in front of him.

Layne didn't make eye contact and he didn't even look up at Jerry. He kept his eyes glued to his lap. Jerry could tell how much Layne had been crying. Plus, Layne's face was still glistening with tears and his nose was red.

There was an awkward silence between them, until Jerry spoke up.

"We gotta talk." Jerry said, intertwining his fingers and laying his head on top of his hands.

"I know." Layne replied with a fragile tone, his voice cracking once again.

"Why did you lie to me?" Jerry asked, keeping his tone calm.

"I don't know." Layne answered, breaking down already as they were barely started the conversation. Layne felt beyond guilty and it was eating him alive.

"I want an answer, Layne." Jerry told him. Layne could hear how disappointed Jerry sounded.

"I really don't know." He said. Of course Layne knew why he lied to Jerry, he just didn't know how to say it aloud.