How Did I Get Here?

Chapter 1: Why?

Dear Diary,

I'm FUCKED

I do NOT want to leave.

Why did my mom let me go to college? Why can't I just be a housewife with a partner who is filthy rich, where I live in a mansion and I never have to worry about anything other than what dress to wear for the book club?

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I have to girlboss my way into college and pull a Paris Geller from Gilmore Girls.

It will be worth it, but I don't want to leave Olive and Tatum. They have been my world since Mom married JIM, that motherfucker (maybe Mom should be gay... since she has no luck with men....)

But I must go since I can't be a stem girly from home

I realize how much I sound like a middle school girl trying too hard, but it is my Diary and my dumb thoughts

ANYWAY

Everything is packed, yet all I want to do is check over and over AND OVER if I have everything I need, from outfits to all 63 pictures I'm taking with me. I have everything. I swear I think I have too much shit. I have about 13 boxes, and most of them are decorations (I know I won't need any of them), but it is Iconic to be the "It dorm room." I need to give it the downtown girl mixed with light academy vibes that it deserves

It is currently 4 a.m. now, and I get up at 5 a.m... I need Trevert coffee before We leave for Jackson U. Ima beg Mom, hehe.

Talk tomorrow, bestie <3

~Marley Wren AUg. 15th.

I realized how dumb I sound writing in my Diary, but when I have anxiety, I somehow revert to a middle school child. I think I've been around my siblings too much.

Still being too excited to sleep, I grabbed the blanket that I've had since I was 8 and my tablet, which has my list of at least 100 items I planned to pack. It was so cold in the house, and the worn blanket was no help when it came to warmth physically, but it was the mental warmth I needed.

I reviewed the list again, and my 5 a.m. alarm went off. It's time...

I started getting dressed and rushed over my list one last time.

I finally realized that no matter how much I go through the list, I packed everything on the damn list.

I left the room to go down the hall to the kitchen, with the smell of country bacon already in the house. I found the crisp fall air had made the house chilly due to the windows being opened .

AH

I got bonked to the floor "HEY!' I had two little girls on top of me giggling as if the funniest thing had ever happened.

Olive was the youngest, and you could tell by her screen time on my iPad. She looked so much like me when I was younger. It was like I looked into a mirror when I saw her. There was also Tatum, who was the older of the two but still in elementary. She was the opposite. Olive with her long brown hair, Tatum with short dark black hair. She could also care less about the media. She was like me personality-wise; books were her movies. We have Reading Fridays, where we get coffee and hot cocoa after school, then come home and read in my bed until we finish the whole book. It is honestly my favorite memory. She would get so excited to tell me all about her book.

"Okay, girls, let sissy get up; we can attack her with love later," Mom smiles at Olive and Tatum," Now your outfits are on the bottom bunk; go get ready. We leave in about an hour.'

The girls ran down the hall across the way from my room. They have too much energy for the time of day.

"Good morning, sissy" Mom gave me that sweet old hug that seemed like I was a child again. She will always smell like sweater weather from baths and body works, and cigarettes. I know it is odd, but it is something so nostalgic for me that if you don't have a parent who smokes, you couldn't understand