The Hangover III || Phil Wenneck

1. Freeway Mess-acre

"Hey, what have you been up to today?" He asked, removing his vest to throw it in the laundry basket, his eyes looking tired. "Nothing much, I just stopped by at Rachel's and the three of us talked about us getting eloped." I shrugged, walking over to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

"How'd they take it?" Phil chuckled, as he went pack to making the sauce for the pasta.
"Pretty well. They were a little upset at first, when I told them I wasn't gonna have bridesmaids, but they came around." I replied, uncapping the lid of the bottle and taking a swig.

"God, I didn't realize how dehydrated I actually was." I mutter, as I take a deep breath after removing the now half empty bottle of water from my lips. "So, how was work?" I asked him, as he finished cooking, and set two plates of pasta on the kitchen island.

"Oh, shit, forgot to tell you. Alan closed off a freeway, some kid was talking about it and asked if I was friends with him." Phil piped up, eating a forkfull of pasta, while I furrowed my brows.

"He closed off a freeeway? How the hell did he manage that?!" I asked, confused, as Phil held up his index finger, before standing up and bringing a newspaper over to me.

I looked down at it as it read "FREEWAY MESS-ACRE! headless giraffe shuts down 405!!!" With a picture of Alan and a giraffe on the front cover.
"He beheaded a giraffe?!" I exclaim, wide-eyed, as I snorted a laugh and Phil howled with laughter.

"Yeah. It's national news." Phil nodded, while I just looked at him and back at the paper in disbelief. "Holy shit." I mumbled, chuckling slightly, as Phil's phone began ringing.

"Two second's." He excused himself to go answer his phone, as I nodded and began wolfing down the pasta. I'm not sure why I was so ravenous recently, that's probably the reason why I was struggling to get those shorts on this morning.

"Shit.. I'm sorry, Doug. Okay, well, if you or Tracy need anything, Eve and I are here for you." Phil sighed, as he returned to the kitchen, running his hands down his face.

"What? What's wrong?" I ask, worriedly.
"That was Doug. Sid died." Phil informed, as my brows shoot upwards, in shock.
"What? How did he die?" I ask, in disbelief.
"Heart attack, Doug said." Phil responded, as I frowned. "Probably all that stress with Alan still living at home." I sighed, as Phil nodded in agreement.

"So when is the funeral? Do they know?" I asked him. "Sid practically had everything already sorted for when he passes, so in a few days, probably." Phil shrugged and I nodded.

"I'm gonna need to call Tracy, see if she needs help with anything for the funeral, she must be devastated." I thought aloud, sympathetically.

***

"Ave Mari-i-i-i-i-i-a. Gra-a-tia ple-e-na-a-a. Maria Gratia plena." Alan sang with an angelic voice, as we sat for Sid's funeral, as Phil turned to Stu and I.
"My God. He's got the voice of an angel." Phil commented, as Stu and I turned our heads to nod.
"It's breathtaking." Stu added.

"A-a-a-ave Mari-i-i-i-i-i-a-a-a." Alan looked down, as he finished singing, before clearing his throat and leaning over to speaking I'm the mic. "I can't believe my daddy is dead." He spoke in his normal voice, as I accidentally let out a small laugh, quickly looking down, sadly to pretend I was crying, as a few people looked at me with sympathy, while Doug glared at me and rolled his eyes.

"Nice save." Phil whispered down to my ear, smirking. "Thanks." I whispered back, feigning a sigh of sadness. I was sad about Sid's passing, I was just laughing at the start of Alan's speech.

"I can think of so many people I would rather have died first.. like my mother." I raised my brows, as Linda sighed, while Tracy rubbed her arm, Doug looked over to her with empathy and Alan continued speaking.

"As many of you know, my father and I were extremely close... He was my life partner. He would often tell me almost on a daily basis that I was his favorite child." Alan told everyone, as Tracy snapped her head and glared at him.

"I'll always remember the last words he said to me– "I'm proud of you, Alan. Never change."" Alan recalled, as Phil, Stu and I shot each other a look.
"Well... I heard you loud and clear, daddy. I will never change." Alan promised, leaning closer to the mic. "Never, ever." He emphasized, as Linda let out a sob, while Tracy hugged her.

"Go ahead, chief." Alan said to the priest, as he walked away from the podium, to let the priest begin speaking, while Alan walked over to his father's portrait, taking a selfie with it, grinning at his phone.

***

After we paid our respects, Phil, Doug, Stu and I were walking along the graveyard. "Wow. Rough day." Phil commented, as he walked with his hands in his pockets, looking down.

"Yeah, how's Tracy doing?" Stu asked, looking to Doug. "Not great. Her mother's totally on the edge. And if all this weren't enough, apparently Alan's been off his meds for almost six months." Doug informed us.

"Oh, boy." Stu sighed.
"Yeah, it's not been pretty." Doug explained, as I knitted my brows and rubbed his shoulder.
"Then there's the whole fucking giraffe thing." Doug added.

"I thought that was pretty funny." Phil admitted, shamelessly, while I nudged his shoulder, glaring at him. "What?! You were laughing too!" He defended, as Stu chuckled. "What?" Stu asked, looking over to Phil and I.

"Come on. He killed a giraffe. Who gives a fuck?" Phil shrugged, as Doug started laughing.
"You know... I wasn't gonna say anything, but Alan's been stopping by my office lately." Stu admitted, as we all looked to him.

"You're kidding me. What for?" Doug questioned.
"I don't know. He just sits in the waiting room and reads Highlights magazine. Fills in the puzzles, whatever he can, and then leaves." Stu shrugged, as I nodded.

"Yeah.. he stops by at the restaurant as well. He doesn't order any food, just orders a few cokes, sits around then leaves." I agree, as Phil furrows his brows. "How come you never said anything?" He asked me, while I just shrugged.

"Didn't think of it as a big deal at the time." I reply, as Phil nods, as Doug sighed, and Phil noticed something. "Check it out." Phil pointed and the three of us looked to the direction he was pointing at, to see Alan digging Sid's grave himself, as he stands in the grave.

"Holy shit." I sigh.
"Jesus, what are you gonna do with him?" Phil asked Doug, as Doug turned to the three of us.
"Actually, I wanted to talk to you guys about that. Linda really wants to stage an intervention for him." Doug informed us.

"An intervention? Really?" Phil asked, furrowing his brows. "Do you think that'll help?" I ask, crossing my arms, as Doug shrugged his shoulders. "It's worth a shot. I don't see the harm in trying." Doug responded.

"I think that sounds like a great idea." Stu piped in. "Yeah, the thing is, she's pretty convinced he won't agree to it unless all of us are there." Doug pointed around in a circular motion, indicating to the four of us. "I mean, you know how he is." Doug added.

"I don't know. It seems a little extreme to me." Phil hesitated. "Well, if it'll help him, we might as well try?" I shrugged my shoulders.
"D'oh, God. Look at him now." Stu told us, as he observed Alan's actions, and the rest of us turned our heads to see Alan shirtless, with one leg bent out of the grave, with his hand on his hip, flicking his hair as he took a drink from his soda.

"Okay, I'm in. When are we doin' it?" Phil switched up and agreed, after taking in the disturbing sight before him.