S.J // N.R One Shots

F-TW | N.R | I got you |

[Trigger Warning- mentions of suicidal ideation and attempt, If you are struggling, my dm's are always open, i use to struggle horribly with it, so I understand. <3 not proof reading.
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PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING WITH DEPRESSION, I BEG OF YOU.
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Now for those of u who didn't listen to that cause i know i never did, read at own risk but stay safe <3 This is long so buckle ur fucking seatbelts.

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  Every since i could remember i have struggled with depression. I thought once i had joined the Avengers perhaps it would have gotten better. I really thought helping people would help me feel better— i was foolish to think so. It's never gotten better and it never will.

Everyone has been lovely here. I'm just getting tired of faking my happiness. I have never told anyone about my depression and i don't intend to. Only Wanda knows because my thoughts can get a little loud sometimes and she accidentally heard it once a few days after i had gotten here. I wasn't aware she could hear that, until she came in to talk to me about it.

-FLASHBACK-

  A knock on my door brought me out of my trance. I got up off my bed and headed towards the door, opening it revealed Wanda.

"Can i come in?" She asked.

"Um, yeah, sure."

"Do you want to close the door?"

"Sure."

"I want to talk to you about something." Wanda said causing my heart to race slightly, still unaware she could heard that.

"So you know i can move things with my mind and fly. Well i can do more than that, because the mind stone gave me my abilities, i have the ability control people, to read minds, and to hear peoples thoughts. I have gotten pretty good at blocking that out unless i'm on missions but sometimes peoples thoughts can be loud and manage to make their way through— like yours did earlier this afternoon. Now i just wanted to come and talk to you. You can't bullshit me and tell me everything's okay, nor can you lie because I literally heard what was going on inside your head. So please talk to me y/n."

"Okay, but please don't tell anyone." I pleaded.

"Okay, for now." Wanda agreed only so i'd open up.

-END OF FLASHBACK-

 
  Wanda was who i always went to when i needed someone when i was mentally vulnerable. Nat, Wanda, Yelena, and Peter, were who i was closest with. I always hung around Nat and Wanda specifically. I went to Nat for most things but mental things i would go to Wanda cause she already knew everything and i was scared to let another person know what was going on.

As this year has gone on, i've gotten better at hiding my emotions. I've made sure my thoughts are quiet. I made Wanda promise that she wouldn't occasionally mentally intrude on my thoughts because she could listen from anywhere she wanted which did worry me a little. I can't stop mentally picturing dying and how everyone would react. Different scenarios and reactions. It's eating me up inside. It's almost funny, the worse my head gets, the more i try to counteract that when i'm with people.

I'm so done with everything. We did a mission recently and weren't able to save everyone. I couldn't help but cry for one reason being we weren't able to save everyone and the other being some sick part of me was a little jealous, i'm fully aware how unbelievably fucked up that sounds.