Ending the Omnipotence Paradox

Chapter 16

"And what game is that?" He probed suspiciously, unwilling to relent to the desperation in her expression. The frenzied laugh that escaped her was betrayed by the shuddered breath that surrounded it, her wide eyes suddenly shining with unshed tears.

"It's just as you said, isn't it? She asked sardonically. "I'm staring down the barrel of a perfect legacy with someone like Shizuka. And you..." she paused to take another shaky breath. "You're much better suited to end up with someone like Frederica."

"What does Hanashiro have to do with this?" he questioned, his eyes narrowing at her implication.

"Don't bother denying it, Kogami. I'm not blind," she argued, bolting to her feet as she wrapped her arms tightly around herself, turning away from him. "So please don't act like I am. I've seen the two of you together, seen the way she orients herself around you. I'm not naive enough to think your proximity is all just some coincidence."

He knew he shouldn't be taken aback by her astute deduction, knowing full well the caliber of detective she was by now, but the pain that was barely concealed in her admission made him feel a new level of remorse where she was concerned.

"It's..." he started, unwilling to placate her supposition with a lie. "It's more complicated than you're thinking."

"Complicated," she repeated with a morose nod at his unaltered parroting of her earlier response as she faced him again. "How pragmatic of you... You know, earlier you mentioned legacies. Well, maybe I don't want one, maybe I never did. All I ever wanted was a happy life. One that makes me feel safe and loved," she expounded with dejected longing. "Not constantly fighting in a war that I don't want any part of; one that shouldn't even exist."

"Akane, I -" he began as he stood and attempted to close the space between them.

"Don't," she stopped him with an extended palm, moving adeptly out of his reach. "Please, just... we can't do this. Not now. Not like this."

"Then how? How did you expect this to go, Inspector? You'd come here to confront me and I'd, what? Act like everything's somehow okay?" He refuted in a hardened tone, not letting her escape the dissension by advancing toward her again.

"You weren't supposed to be here!" She exclaimed, a few tears finally slipping down her cheek. "You were gone and now... now I wish you hadn't come back at all."

"You don't mean that," he argued with a disbelieving head shake, his body flinching away from her impulsively. "We both know you don't."

"There are things that I have to do now... things that are beyond my control," she admitted painstakingly. "Things that I wish you weren't here to see me do."

"Then I'll do them for you," he pleaded as he came closer to her, reaching for her hand. "You just have to let me. My hands are far from clean; there's no reason to get yours dirty, too."

"And that's the real issue here, isn't it?" She demanded aggressively, withdrawing like his touch would burn her. "You've always been so sure of my sense of justice and morality that you've never even considered that I could actually be part of the problem."

"Part of the problem...?" He implored in confusion. "I don't -"

"Why did you come back to Japan, Kogami? And don't you dare regurgitate some meaningless job description again like I'm still some stranger to you," she demanded. "I want the truth."

He hesitated for a moment, unsure if what he had to say would make the situation better or worse. One which Akane unfortunately thought was a moment too long.

"That's what I thought," she reproached with a displeased shake of her head. "You don't get to force your opinion on me if you can't be honest about what's happening here," she reasoned indignantly. "Not only is it disparaging, it's also immensely unfair. Can't you see that?"

"Unfair?" He murmured, astonishment etched on his face once again.

"There are so many things that you don't know," she told him, regret and beleaguered optimism warring in her voice. "So much that you don't understand and that I wish I could tell you. But I can't."

"And why can't you?" He countered "What could be so catastrophic about letting me in?"

"Because if I do, it'd just be putting you in unnecessary danger. And I refu-"

"That's bullshit!" He disputed fervidly, closing the space between them to grasp onto her shoulders. "I don't care about danger, Akane!"

"But I do, Kogami," she chastised as she looked into his eyes. "I can't guarantee you'd be safe if you knew the things that I know and I refuse to be a part of the reason why you're gone again."

Kogami's eyes trace over the hardened lines of agony marred into her usually irreproachably innocent face before settling on her pleading gaze; an incessant realization dawning on him abruptly.

"But he knows... right?" He asks sullenly. "That's why..."

"Why, what?" She asked somberly, guilt slowly overtaking her features.

How idiotic to interminably think her a saint, the voice from deep within his psyche said callously.

"Why, in spite of everything we've been through," he expounded, suddenly so weary he felt he could barely stand. "You're choosing him."

Fresh tears fell from Akane's eyes as she exhaled in a mirthless laugh.

"As if this life has ever been as simple as going with what we want to choose."

"I don't know," he disagrees, his grip on her arms falling away dejectedly as he lost feeling in his upper extremities. "You've never seemed the type to choose anything other than exactly what you decide."

This statement seemed to sober her up quickly; her gaze hardening with unexpected contempt.

"I'm not the same girl you knew four years ago, Kogami. I won't make excuses for the decisions I need to make now," she replied resolutely, disappointment flashing in her eyes. "And I'm done making excuses for you, too."

With that, she turned; leaving quicker than she came, not bothering to spare him a backward glance; the pull to stop her stronger than any Kogami had ever felt before. But in spite of that, his feet willfully refused to go after her.