Auf Wiedersehen, Sweetheart - GerIta

Chapter 15

Roma interrupted, loud and firm. "No, Feli, listen to me. They did not do that to him."

Feliciano gulped back his tears, blinked at Roma pleadingly. He gritted his teeth and shook his head. Don't say... don't say... "No."

Roma squeezed Feliciano's hand. "They did not kill him either. Ludwig was very well known in Germany. The German military would not execute one of their most celebrated pilots at such a crucial time - the damage to morale would be too drastic."

Feliciano had to stop to breathe. He placed a hand to where the bullet had torn through his skin. This cold panic was exhausting, and the old pain in his chest was building and sharpening. "Then what?" he asked hesitantly. He did not want to know, but he needed to know, and all Feliciano could think was that he was about to finally have his heart shattered beyond repair. "What happened to Lud- to Ludwig?"

Roma breathed out audibly. "All we know is that he was sent to the Russian Front. He was probably put into a punitive unit."

Feliciano did not understand. "A what?"

"It is like a military prison. Combat units made up of criminals and traitors. They are given mission considered too dangerous for the regular military, and..." Roma broke off and sighed. Feliciano waited for him to continue. "And no one survives for long."

The room darkened - a cloud must have drifted across the sun. Feliciano sat silently, wondering why he wasn't screaming, wondering why he wasn't falling to the floor. Strangely, he simply felt numb. "Oh." Feliciano looked again out the window, waiting for the sky to brighten again. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were sick, Feli. I was already so afraid you would not survive. I'm sorry."

Feliciano nodded. "But you don't know. You don't know for sure that he is dead."

"No. But... oh Feli, I'm so sorry, but... but it would be best for you to forget him."

Feliciano was stunned by the words. He couldn't even be sure he had heard them correctly. He snapped his head back and stared at Roma incredulously. "Forget him?"

Roma looked almost guilty. "I can't stand to see you like this forever. You used to laugh and sing." Roma blinked heavily and looked at the table. "You used to smile." He shook his head as though to clear it, and stared again at Feliciano intently. "Ludwig is not coming back, Feliciano. Forgetting him is..." Roma shrugged. "It's all you can do."

Feliciano could not believe it. He actually laughed. Forget Ludwig - he'd never heard a more impossible suggestion. He looked Roma in the eyes. "What if I told you to just forget Grandma. To forget Mama. Would you be able to do that?"

Roma closed his eyes painfully. "Feli..."

Feliciano blinked, then felt his gaze drift once more. Was this really it? Was this the last he would ever hear of the person who meant more to Feliciano than anyone or anything he had ever known? It was too calm. It was too quiet. There should be an earthquake; the sky should be falling. Why was he still not screaming? Why was the world not ending? "So I'll never know." Feliciano barely realised he spoke the words aloud. "Never know if he died quickly. If he was in pain, if he was alone. I'll never know if it was a bullet or the cold or..."

"Stop it, Feliciano!" Roma's commanding words were a startling intrusion in Feliciano's thoughts. "You can't think like that, you can't, it will drive you insane!"

Feliciano let out a short, sharp breath. He had to shake away the terrifying image of Ludwig falling, lifeless, in the Russian snow. He tried again, desperately, not to think; not to feel. "I don't want to hear anymore, Grandpa." Feliciano realised his hand was still in Roma's, and snatched it back. "I just want to go away."