Cruel (5sos au)

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Month 16. Day 22.

It's been two days since Calum kissed me. Two whole days. I still don't know how to feel about it. I wasn't expecting it at all. If it had been Luke, yeah, I would have expected it, but Calum? No way.

And with all of these thoughts going through my head, I haven't talked in two days either. I've just been too busy thinking to remember to talk. I know the guys are all worried about me, but I'm afraid if I start talking, I'll never stop. Like, I'll just blurt out all of my feelings about Calum kissing me and I'll blurt out everything I'm afraid of.

I mean, Calum wasn't a bad kisser. In fact, I enjoyed it; I even kissed him back for a second or two. But then I freaked out and pulled back and ran to Luke's room and locked myself inside.

I kept having flashbacks from the days that I was abducted. The way that stranger kissed me and touched me, and full out violated me, made me afraid of Calum. I know the kiss was innocent; and he wasn't my abductor, but all of my experience is from my abducted days. For all I know, that kiss could've led to something else and I'm not ready for that. I'm not going to be ready for that anytime soon.

I'm sitting on mine and Luke's bed, my laptop on my lap. I'm currently watching The 100 on Netflix and trying to avoid the boys who are in the other room. They're talking loud enough for me to hear them; and of course, they're talking about me.

"Does anyone know what happened to her?" I hear Luke ask.

"No idea." Mikey answers.

"She was with Calum the day she stopped talking again." Ashton puts in and I swear I can feel Calum's fear through the walls.

"What did you do to her?" Luke asks, and I can picture Luke backing Calum up against the wall. I can picture him being up in Calum's face, but I can't picture what Calum's face looks like. Is he afraid? Is he smirking? Is he going to push Luke away?

"I didn't do anything to her." Calum says. I pause my show and get up slowly, tiptoeing to the bedroom door. I slowly open it the tiniest bit and peek out.

"You must have if she's back into her silent mode!" Luke yells, making me flinch. I hate yelling.

"I didn't! I didn't do anything to her!"

Luke grabs Calum's shirt and pushes him hard against the wall. "Tell me what you did!"

"Luke," I say quietly, grabbing his attention. "Stop."

And with that, I close the bedroom door and climb back onto the bed. I hear the guys mumbling, most likely about me, and it only takes about a minute for Luke to knock on the door and walk inside.

"Ru?"

I look up at him and raise an eyebrow.

"You need to talk to someone."

I narrow my eyes and shake my head.

"At least text me?"

I sigh and grab my phone and type out: "I just have a lot going on in my head right now. Nobody did anything to me. I just need time to figure things out."

When his phone dings, he looks at it. "Need to talk about anything? Maybe I can help you figure things out."

"No, this is something I have to do on my own."

"Are you sure? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"Yes to both of those. But this is something I don't want to talk to you about."

"It's about me, isn't it?" He says with a smirk.

I snort, roll my eyes, and send: "You wish."

He smiles, "that's my Ru. Nice and sassy."

I roll my eyes. "Get out of here, Hemmings."

He smirks and kisses my forehead before leaving the room.

After a year in therapy, I'm trying to work things out on my own.

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