Scars

Chapter 1

You stared in the mirror at the countless scars that littered your body. Knife slashes, stab wounds, bullet wounds. You had a story for each one, but it didn't make you hate them any less. The most prominent and most obvious one was on the left side of your face. It trailed from just above your eyebrow straight down and stopped at your chin. They were all from a mission where you were held captive for a few days in Urzikstan. You were found by Farah. She took you back to base where Price met you with a helicopter and flew you back to where you belonged. The guys knew you were being held captive but didn't know the details as to where in Urzikstan or what was happening. It killed them all not having orders to locate you. It was too risky, and going in the blind entirely.
Ever since you came back you we're different. Quieter, more kept to yourself, isolating for hours on end, and drinking here and there a little more. It wasn't like you. They always tried to cheer you up or get you to go out with them for the night but to no avail.

You took a deep breath, slipping your green sweater back on over your torso covering the marks, the only ones visible was your face and your shoulder which had a bullet wound. They were the only two that everyone knew about, the rest were unknown. You always wore some type of clothing to cover them all. You threw your hair back into a low bun and turned away from the mirror turning the light off. You walked to your bedside grabbing your phone before walking out, passing the main room where everyone was.

They boys were playing a card game. Apparently a very intense card game as you could hear arguing growing louder and louder between Soap and Gaz the closer you got. You just rolled your eyes as you walked past, making your way to the kitchen. You needed a drink, tonight was not good on your mental health and the only way you could think to stop it was a warm shot of bourbon. You poured it right to the top as Price was walking past the kitchen glancing over and stopping to turn back around, "You alright kid?" He asked, nodding his head towards the glass. Granted, it was only 1300. You shrugged before taking the shot, he sighed. "Don't take too many." He said, there was worry in his eyes. He knows you hadn't been doing well lately and the lack of missions wasn't helping. They kept you busy and distracted. You coughed once and put the glass into the sink, Price is right you thought. This wasn't a way to handle this.

You sat down on one of the stools on the other side of the island and placed your head in your hands. You sat there for what seemed like hours running your hands over your head and fidgeting with your fingers picking at your nails, your teeth was peeling skin off of your bottom lip. It was just anxiety at this point. A gentle touch made you jump and their hand quickly pulled away. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath to calm your heart rate down again. Simon just stared at you, he knew something was wrong but he wouldn't dare push it. You were his late best friend's little sister. He had every ounce of protectiveness over you, its what he promised your brother Roach before he closed his eyes forever. Simon gave you a pat on the back before grabbing what he needed and walking back out of the kitchen, not a word said between either of you. He was probably the only one to fully understand how you handled your own battles as he was the same way, but yet you still couldn't find the comfort in talking about it to anyone yet. Even with someone who understood as much as you did, if not more.

You took another 10 minutes alone before standing up and walking out. As you turned the corner your face was met with a broad shoulder, knocking you back a bit. Soap reached out for you and caught your forearm before you actually hit the ground. He steadied you, "Sorry bout that, I-" He stopped, his hand still holding your arm but he was looking at it. A scar was visible on your inner forearm trailing from your wrist all the way up. You cleared your throat and pulled your arm back. He looked up at you, worry and anger in his eyes. Before he could say anything you hurried back to your room, quickly closing the door behind you and locking it. Putting your forehead against it before turning around, sliding down it and sitting on the floor.

Pain seared through your arms and your back as they slashed and cut with their knives. This was their way of killing you, slowly. They laughed every time your screamed. You felt your head being yanked back by your hair and a blade was pressed against your cheek.

Your flashback was quickly disrupted by a knock on your door above your head. You stayed still,  they knocked a second time. you could hear him sigh. It was definitely Soap. You stayed put where you were, staying quiet. Hoping maybe he'd assume you were going to try napping or showering and leave. Instead you heard a third knock, this time more intense than the others. You ignored it again, hearing another sigh before footsteps became quieter as they walked away. You leaned your head back against the door, tears welling in your eyes. You felt broken, you felt ugly and now someone saw another scar. What if he saw the rest? What would he think of you? You caught yourself, why did you care what he would think of you? Your mind was racing too much to make sense of it.

He cared for you, more than he did for the other females of the group. Anna, Lainey, and Zoe. All 3 were close, but you were the outsider. You weren't one to be glued to the hip with other females, let alone anyone. But Soap treated you differently than them. He was more sensitive to your feelings, he noticed the little things, and he cared more about you than anyone or anything. But you didn't know that.

You pushed yourself to your feet and dragged yourself to your bed. Lying down, facing the wall. You weren't necessarily tired, just highly worn out. You took slow deep breaths and closed your eyes to calm yourself a little more. Your mind was spinning and you started to feel nauseous. You stayed put, hoping if you stayed still long enough it would go away. You kept your eyes closed in attempt to prevent you from seeing your vision spinning around you. You felt a pain in the back of your head, traveling along the left side of your head as well. This how your migraines began. This too was a result from your torture. Being thrown around like a rag doll, being punched, and even a metal bar to the back of your head at one point. It caused unbearable amounts of pain, your hand reached to the shelf above your bed, blindly looking for your meds. Your hand found the pill bottle and you pulled it down, shaking out 2 small pills. Taking them quickly without water you remained still, the less movement the better.

The pills made you drowsy, they were also made to help relax your nerves as well as help you sleep. You let it take over, you were in no mood nor shape to fight it today. You needed the sleep, it didn't come often for you, so you took what you could get.