it's okay if it's you | ishman ✓

CH: 21 [nsfw]

ishan cusses to himself as he swallows another shot angrily, feeling his thoughts take a dirtier turn under the influence of alcohol.

shubman returns to the room smelling of booze. he scrunches his nose, looking at the messy state of ishan- his shirt half undone and hair strands sticking out. for a moment shubman’s stomach drops.

“was someone here?” he asks, looking around.

ishan turns to him with a glare. “why did you come back?”

shubman takes away the glass from his hold, returning his glare. “answer me first. ishan, i swear to god if you fucked someone in our room-”

“i can’t fuck anyone anywhere!” ishan’s voice cuts him short, it comes off more as a whine.

“i would if i could fucking stop thinking about you!” he says with an accusing jab.

shubman frowns. “you’re not special, alright? i haven’t stopped thinking about you for weeks either.”

ishan groans, struggling with his words. “shut up. please, shut up.”

shubman pulls him up, trying to make him stand. “i could say a lot if i wanted to, ishan, don’t fuck with me. i have so much to ask you but your coward ass would never answer them, i know it.”

“the fuck you calling a coward?” ishan says, sounding livid. “please, a month ago, you couldn’t even admit you’re a fa-”

shubman pushed him into the bed, glowering above him. “say the word and it’s not going to be good for you,” he snarls.

“see, you still can’t admit it. you don’t like me. you just want someone at your disposal to experiment with-”

shubman doesn’t remember when’s the last time he felt this enraged.

“fuck you, ishan,” he says but the words come out softer than he intended. “that was fucked up.”

ishan lets out a humourless laugh. “i am fucked up, shubi. i am not normal. you still can be. get the fuck away from me.”

at this moment, it dawns on shubman that the situation runs deeper than just ishan not liking him back.

“you’re scared,” he realizes, staring at ishan’s eyes.

“bullshit,” ishan seethes.

shubman stands back up, he doesn’t try to argue. ishan doesn’t seem to be in the right state to communicate with him anyway. drunk ishan is more stubborn than sober.

“it’s okay, let’s calm down. please, calm down, alright?” shubman says, allowing his anger to dissipate.

ishan fusses, “i am calm. actually no, im mad. im mad at you.”

shubman carefully takes a seat beside him, staying at an arm’s length so as to not get pushed away.

“what’s wrong, baby?” he asks in a softer voice, to not trigger him any further.

“don’t call me that,” ishan snaps. “go back to her. you don’t have to waste your night with me.”

“but you sent me- alright, im sorry,” he says with a deep breath. “i shouldn’t have left you alone. look at what you did to yourself.”

shubman reaches to fix his shirt, the contact with his cold hands makes ishan shiver, but he doesn’t pull away.

his eyes still hold a tinge of anger, shubman notices.

“do you want to say anything, baby?” shubman asks.

“i told you not to-”

“do you want me not to?”