Rings and Roses

𝐭𝐰𝐨. red, red envy.

' Let me be the one to
hold your hand forever. '

Alhaitham loves Kaveh.

That fact had always been true, as true as the sky is blue, grass is green, Paimon is emergency rations and Celestia floats 1051 meters above Teyvat.

He's heard that people generally turn more nervous around their crushes.

Is that the reason why he fucked up so badly and Kaveh hates him now?

Once, over 11 years ago, when they still held hands and love seemed burning crimson, Kaveh had gotten so drunk that he stumbled and cracked his head open on a shelf in his dormitory. Their dormitory.

Kaveh had laughed through it, saying that he was okay, and Alhaitham had believed him, thinking that it really was okay.

But Alhaitham still has nightmares about that incident, mostly with Kaveh's face drenched in red and that sick, crooked grin drawn wide on his lips, because Kaveh was never okay and he never will be, not with how Alhaitham treated him.

And Alhaitham still remembers that smile on Kaveh's lips, with innocence sweet enough to make him ill. But he doubts he'll ever forget the sight of crimson dripping down Kaveh's face.

And Alhaitham still gets sick from that thought, his heart pounding at a scarily fast pace and fear rushing along his blood and yet there's no one to comfort him, no one to whisper sweet nothings into his ear, no one to murmur that it's okay and it's really just a dream, because he's scared away the only person thats ever loved him or understood him and he's a fool for repeating that mistake over and over again.

That night and the words he's said runs inside his brain again and again like a broken cassette stuck on loop, like a songbird who's stuck inside a cage and wakes up everyday to try to escape this horrible nightmare and fails, over and over and over again.

The terrifying part isn't because it's a nightmare. It's because it's not, and it's as real as anything can be, real as the fact Kaveh hates him now and real as the fact that he hates himself too.

Alhaitham is strong. He himself knows that too. But just not mentally.

Not with how many times he's pushed people away, not with how many times he's tried to stay in his own little bubble, and especially not with how many times people have loved him and he's refused to love them back.

He wants to love them. He wants to love Kaveh. He really does. His heart practically yearns for them, for him, everyday.

People say he's cold as stone. Maybe he is.

Maybe he really is. Or maybe he's just too pathetic to take the risk of getting hurt again.

Envy, envy, envy.

Jealous. You could say that. Perhaps he's jealous, of Tighnari, of Cyno, of Kaveh. Living carefree lives, with the only concern being food on the plates and a roof on their heads.

Meanwhile, Alhaitham has all of that and more than anyone can imagine.

But why does he still have this hollow feeling in his heart?

yes the title is the name of a new zeland cherry brand but i love cherries and i love the name so why not.