For Me And You

they wouldnt get it

Todays pick:
°°°°°Cavetown ~ Lemon Boy°°°°°

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Of course there are problems that i want to discuss here,but its just hard to get into it. Thats actually the reason why im here. I have been trough some things, that caused me trauma, or something like that. I have things, that i pretend that i already forgot, cuz other people dont seem to see those things as traumas. But thats really not how it works.

I know that traumas are things, that everybody lives through and everybody sees them from a different side. Everybody has different coping mechanisms and sometimes, when something caused you a scar in your heart that you cant seem to forget, other people would just laugh at the same experience. Thats how it works.

But somehow im just really ashamed. Ashamed, that there are things that happened years ago and i still cant let it go. There are nights when i lay in my bed, for hours, and just think about those. And they are making me insane. Not in a good way.

And every time i try to talk about it, noone understans it. Cuz our brains work differently and when they see the same thing as you, theyre not gonna have the same reaction as you. Cuz thats how we work. But that also means that you cant really be heard. You can speak up for yourself, but that doesnt mean that your voice will reach them. Its not that they dont want to help. Of course they would help. But when you had some really bad situations when you tried to ask for help and they refused, its not gonna be that easy for you to express your feelings. The tought of rejection is there. But you know that they would never and you still cant really tell them the truth. And even if you try, they just dont get it, cuz they didnt went trough the same as you. They probably went trough some shit also, but that doesnt mean that they get everything. And thats totally normal.

But after a lomg time, of trying to be heard and the only respond you get is:

"I dont get it why are you like this"

You will eventually give up. Cuz you dont believe anymore that they would ever understand you. Maybe they wouldnt. But maybe they would. But you will never know, cuz youre too scared that they will just think that youre just insane.

Andit hurts. When you see that youre hurting others by not being able to express yourself and you are just drown in your toughts alone and theyre desperatly trying to help you but youre just pushing them away.
"You just wouldnt get it"
Thats what i got used to say in these type of situations. Cuz my experiences tought me that.

And im ashamed again. Cuz i know that i need help and i know that there are people in this world who got my back. But it seems like i cant trust them. I mean i dont think that way, but not being able to rely on someone, whos been with me eversince i need help and i just cant tell them the truth is like i dont trust them. But i do. I really do. But i cant even say this to their faces. Cuz now, that i already gave up on being helped and i think that if i dont say things that hurt me out loud, that wouldnt hurt other people.

But also maybe, with being so distant with them, it probably hurst them even more. Cuz they are also trying to help me. But i just wont let them. Cuz im scared.

I dont know from what.

From being rejected.

From weird looks.

From not being understand.

Maybe one of those. Or maybe i jsut really gave up.

But i know that i need help and i also want help, but im just too tired from explaining things the way i see and not being understand. They just dont get it. And as time passes i just get even more tired and tired and each time i will say less. I will be more distant.

Cuz they wouldnt get it.

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Hi guys!
Probably this part was really dumb. I dont even know how to express myself and im trying to write about expressing myself. That really ironic, isnt it?

Well even though im not really satisfied, i will publish this. Cuz the whole reason is to say whats on my mind.

And i know that im not alone, so i hope that some day there will come someone who understands whats not understandable.

If you have anything on your mind, if there somethings that bothers you, you are in the right place to say it darling♡♡♡

Hope you have a good night/day!♡♡♡