If I Had You - Malec

9: Can We Talk?

Alec stared at his closed door, his hands balled into fists. By the Angel his father infuriated him! The nerve of him, coming in him and spewing his hatred and prejudice.

Alec slammed his fist into the wall, leaving a sizable dent in the plaster. He repeated this over and over till his hands hurt and he could do no more damage. He looked down at his hands and noticed his knuckles were a startling shade of red. He clenched his jaw and stalked around his room. After more than enough brooding, he stripped down and began changing. He threw on a pair of black skinny jeans, a purple tee and a white leather jacket Isabelle had insisted would look just fabulous on him.

He slipped his shoes on and headed downstairs, leaving the Institute without a backwards glance. He needed time to cool down before he faced anyone.

He walked down the familiar streets of New York, breathing in the cool air and making his way to the only place he knew to go, not that he was very really welcome there at the moment. He knocked on the door to Magnus' building, waiting to either be buzzed in or yelled at. He waited a few more minutes before he heard the buzzer go off. He made his way up to Magnus' loft, his footsteps sounding ten times louder in the quiet of the building. In fact, the only noise of than his own that he could hear was coming from the loft. It sounded like the music that would have been heard in a bar back in the 30's. It was quite melodic, if not slightly ominous.

The door was cracked but Alec still stop and knock, waiting a moment before stepping in. Whatever the situation, he still had his manners. "Magnus?" He called, looking around the living room and into the kitchen. He looked back to see the door to Magnus' office open and he walked over. He poked his head in and saw Magnus sitting at his desk, reading over a spell book of some sort.

Magnus stood up when he saw Alec, his eyes slowly traveling over him. Alec shoved his hands in his pockets and bit my lip. Magnus looked up and his eyes meet Alec's for a moment before he looked away. "Alexander, what can I do for you?" He asked, his voice polite and formal, as if we're strangers. As if they shared nothing more than small talk and a chance meeting or two. It made Alec sick to his stomach.

Alec ran a hand through his hair nervously, chewing his lip roughly. Why was he there? Did he really have a reason, or did he just want to see Magnus? "Nothing really. I just don't have anywhere else to go right now," Alec said, looking at him again. He was wearing bright red silk sleep pants and a deep black v-neck.

"What about the Institute?" Magnus asked, raising an eyebrow.

"My parents are still home. I had a fight with my dad and I really can't be there right now." As he was saying this, he realize how stupid he must sound. To come running to his ex-boyfriend because he had a fight with my dad. How pathetic he must seem.

"Listen, I don't really know why I came here. I guess maybe I just wanted to see you. Maybe I just didn't really have anywhere to go. But it doesn't matter now. I realize that I am intruding and if it is what you wish, I will be on my way." Alec finished speaking and turned around, already making his way out of the room. He did not really need to hear Magnus say that he wanted him to leave.

Alec was just out the door when he felt hands on his shoulders, and they quickly spun him around. He looked up, startled and caught off guard, into the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. "No. No stay, please. I think - I think that we need to talk," Magnus said, keeping his hands on Alec's shoulders. Alec hesitated a moment before nodding.

"Alright."

Alec walked back inside beside Magnus, occasionally sneaking peeks at him though he pretty sure Magnus noticed, considering the fact that he was smiling ever so slightly. Magnus shut the door behind them and walked over to the couch. Alec sit down on the opposite end, turning to face the other man.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Magnus. I know what I did was horrible, but I wasn't actually going to go through with it. When you found me I was going to tell Camille the deal was off. I just couldn't do that to you. And the only reason I went to see her in the first place was because I wanted to know more about you, about your past. You never tell me anything and I was afraid that when I die you won't talk about me. That I'll just become some distant memory like the rest of them. It was selfish and stupid and I've regretted it everyday since then. I'm sorry, Magnus. I'm so sorry," Alec said in a rush, playing with the hem of his shirt but refusing to look away from Magnus. He hadn't actually planned on saying anything. At least not yet. But now that that was out, there was no way to take it back.

Magnus sat there, looking into Alec's eyes for a while before standing up. He started pacing around the room, murmuring to himself and running his hands through his hair. Alec just sat there, keeping his mouth shut as he watched Magnus pace.

"You have to understand how hard this is for me, Alexander. You went behind my back and agreed to take away my immortality," he finally said, turning to look back at Alec. "Even if you decided against it in the end, there was at least a moment when you considered it, and that you wanted it. I told you, I told you not to trust her, that no good could come from her." Magnus shook his head.

Alec swallowed hard and nodded. He really couldn't imagine what that must have felt like.

"I need time to think about all of this, about us. I think you should leave," Magnus said before returning to his pacing. Alec nodded once again and got up, making his way over to the door.

"Goodbye Magnus," he whispered before walking out.

***

He made his way back to the Institute, taking his sweet time. He was definitely not looking forward to seeing everyone, especially his father and Jace. Jace was going to hound him like a dog, wanting to know where he had been and who he had been with. And his father was a a giant douche canoe who, as of this moment, Alec didn't ever want to see or speak to again.

After twenty minutes of walking, he opened the doors to the Institute, trying his best to be as quiet as possible. "Alexander Lightwood!" Jace yelled, running down the stairs and towards his Parabatai.

"Before you say anything I'm fine. I just needed some time to myself, to think some things over." Alec held up his hands in kind of a surrender motion.

Jace just looked at him for a minute before shaking his head. "Do you know what time it is? It's ten o'clock. You've been gone almost all day. Now, where have you really been?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Well, now that Jace mentioned it, Alec hadn't realized what time it was. But he hadn't been at Magnus' that long, had he? He shook his head and pushed past Jace. "Out. I was just out. Now I'm going to bed. Goodnight Jace," he said, turning to look at Jace before heading upstairs to his bedroom. After the day he had had, he was exhausted.

Alec took a deep breath and closed his door, quickly changing into his pajamas. He grabbed his phone and hooked it up to the charger, setting it on his bedside table.

He brushed his teeth and ran a hand through his hair a few times before laying down and closing his eyes. He thought over the events of the past few days, smiling slightly to himself. Overall, they haven't been the best, but they definitely haven't been the worst.

He yawned and laid there for a while, thinking about anything and everything. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he fell asleep.

I'll never give up on us, Magnus. Never.