coming undone! | gayeon

chapter 7

He was an idiot. The biggest idiot ever. He hadn't trusted Jooyeon completely, and it led him to ruin everything that was perfectly blooming between them. It was funny to him that he couldn't get over him. He had dated more than one guy and girl in his life, and yet somehow, he couldn't forget about this particular case. 

It wasn't only because they argued recently, but also because he was different. He was special to him for no significant reason. Jiseok could sit in his room and think about why he found him so fascinating, but he never came up with an answer, as if it were something he would discover later. But now it was too late.

"Jiseok! What the hell is wrong with you?" Tina jumped to him with one of her hands landing on his shoulder. Fuck.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, trying to find out what was going on around them. "What.. what are we supposed to do?" He leaned towards her, scared she wouldn't hear him otherwise. His heartbeat was racing, and the surprised audience's screams filled his lungs, making him feel nauseous. Something was really wrong.

"Fucking get a grip of yourself; you didn't join in playing Plague of Flies..." she shouted back at him and kicked his leg. He gave her an apologetic look and swallowed hard as they were about to start the mentioned song.

"Alright!" He took the mic in his hands, hoping everyone would think it was planned, and smiled at the people jumping in front of him. "You all make my heart ache from happiness that I forgot what was happening around me," he laughed, making the fans make such noises as 'ow', 'aw' and many other strangely alarming things. "It feels like a gift to be here with you guys! So let's sing the next song louder than ever before and have fun!"

The song began, and his thoughts did as well. He hated this song, but he hated himself even more. He didn't like the person he was, he was just a person being. Nothing more. And it concerned him. He couldn't define the word Jiseok. Who was he? 

Now he tried hard to be Gaon. The rhythm guitarist and singer of Ecstasy. Gaon was someone he loved being; he was free and cool. He didn't care about anyone or anything, he was careless, hot, and powerful. But this name belonged to his face only when he was in public or on stage. He loved and hated it at the same time. 

As the noises resounded around him, he couldn't help but feel like the worst person alive. Not only did he accuse Jooyeon of saying those absurd things about him, but he also uttered, that he hated him. He had ruined any chance of happiness they could have had together. 

This thought consumed him, pushing him deeper into... nothing. He h How could he ever suppose that Jooyeon could betray him? 

♡.﹀﹀﹀🎸﹀﹀﹀.♡

The concert finished with loud cheering and Ecstasy bowing to the fans and waving at them while getting off the stage. It was a successful day, some would say. They performed greatly, gave everyone around them what they needed, and shone brightly while feeding them with noisy music. But despite this, the band noticed something missing in Jiseok. 

He wasn't feeling great that day. He was absent, and he made it visible to those around him. Whatever was going on in his head must have overwhelmed him so much that he didn't even care about spoiling some songs and forgetting the easiest things, like communicating with the audience. 

"What's up, Jiseok?" Gunil stood next to him as he saw him sit down on the black plastic chair. He had a towel in his hand that he was supposed to use to get rid of the sweat dripping from his forehead, but he didn't do anything about it. He just sat there with his elbows resting on his thighs and closed eyes.

"Nothing," he scoffed, looking up at Gunil. He saw his great concern painted on his face. His pupils were dilated, and Jiseok didn't know if it was a sign of stress or fear.