Defamed: Book Three (bxb) ✔️

Chapter Eighteen: Want

"No walls to press you against." I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Sorry, Sunflower."

Okay, this was going to be a massive practice in self-control. I didn't know the protocol for this situation, and I was trying to remain respectful. I didn't want to push him too far, too fast. It was too easy to get lost in him, and I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

So, I gave him a smile as he looked confused before grabbing the pizza and walking into the living room. Cameron trailed behind me, and when I sat down, he was next to me. I turned on the TV and tried to find a movie to watch. Nothing seemed as appealing as the boy leaning against me, so I chose something completely random.

As the movie played, I was far too aware of every movement he made. His hand was on my thigh, and his fingers were mindlessly swirling around as he focused on the TV. I truly wasn't one of God's strongest soldiers, but I still knew I had to control myself. I was human, I knew that, but this was a handle-with-care situation. I didn't want to get ahead of myself or Cameron.

Cameron tilted his head back and smiled. God, he was the most precious thing in the world. He pushed himself up to kiss me, and I couldn't help but lose myself a little more when he did. I put my hand on the base of his neck and kissed him back with purpose. I started getting too caught up after a second, and I pulled away with the world's shittiest excuse.

"Why don't I go grab us some snacks?"

But I didn't give him a chance to respond before I was hiding in the kitchen. I grabbed the microwave popcorn that Megan had stashed here and tossed it in the microwave so I had time to collect myself. I had to figure out how to react. Maybe he and I needed to have a conversation, but how did I bring it up without sounding like an asshole? It felt almost impossible.

What lines are okay to cross?

What are you okay with now?

God, I never imagined everything would be this difficult. I wanted to spend time with him, and now, I was hiding in my damn kitchen away from him. What the hell was wrong with me? I knew everything wasn't going to be easy. But why couldn't I figure out how to navigate this?

Cameron peeked around the corner and then hopped toward me. Damn it. He had a little more pep in his step tonight, and I loved seeing him happy. Especially after the events of the past few weeks and, for him, the past several years. I wanted him always to smile.

He looped his finger through one of my belt loops and pulled me closer. "What's taking so long? Are you hiding from me?" He smiled as he leaned closer. Nope. I was certainly not strong enough. "I'm not going to bite."

When he leaned closer, the microwave sounded, and I reluctantly pulled out of his grasp as I cursed under my breath. "I'm going to change. Do you mind grabbing that?"

Cameron furrowed his brows, looking toward the floor. "Sure."

I swore I saw defeat on his face before I turned and hightailed it to my bedroom. We were going to have to talk about this, no matter how it came out. I should have accounted for this part when he was coming to stay the night here instead of at his apartment with his brothers. Where he lived, others were around, and I didn't have much of a chance to lose control before one of the triplets knocked on Cameron's door.

Being alone—being tempted by the taste of him was making me lose my self-restraint piece by piece. Some things never change, but this was a very important part that just...did. It changed. I didn't know what to do. And instead of dodging, I needed to communicate with him.

"You are hiding from me."

I stopped short of my closet at his small, timid voice. "What?"

"I'm not some fragile being, Asher. You asked me to take control, and I suddenly decided to make an attempt, and you're running away from me like I'm infected with some deadly plague."