it's okay if it's you | ishman ✓

CH: 15

surya tries to calm himself, it's a vulnerable moment for shubman. "hey, it's okay. there is no normal or standards or rules. it's for you to decide. it's about what you want."

he looks over at ishan in the distance. he's nodding at something on the call. he laughs shortly but it's fake, shubman can tell.

when ishan laughs, really laughs, it feels like looking at the sun. even if it burns your eyes, you can't take them off him. his laugh sounds beautiful and if shubman were to go deaf someday it's the last thing he'd want to hear.

"i want him. and i want him to want me. i just...he said we should be each other's new year kiss."

surya pats his back encouragingly. "that's a good sign. maybe he feels the same. you should talk to him."

"but what do i say? he talks about us like it's so easy for him. more often than not, im at a loss of words."

"maybe he wants you make the first move?"

shubman grunts. "we already jerked each other off once, i bet that counts as a move in some people's dictionary."

"okay, i did not need to know that. but im talking about something that goes beyond physical. a confession, maybe?"

"that's kind of lame."

surya gives him a blank stare. "you'll know lame when you mope your broken heart around when he marries someone in four years."

shubman winces at the thought. "but-"

"shubman, the question of what if will never let you move on. ironic but being vulnerable is not for the weak."

shubman thinks about all that has happened between him and ishan in these past few weeks. everything felt so natural that he didn't realize it's something much more special.

he's been happier than ever. him and ishan have been together for a long time but now that he's crossed the line of friendship, he doesn't want to go back. he can't go back. he can't ignore the feelings that seem to grow everyday.

he's denied it for a long time, he can't put up an act anymore. he doesn't know if he's gay, he doesn't care. he just knows that he likes ishan.

shubman closes his eyes briefly. "okay, i'll tell him that i like him. more than just a friend."

surya smiles. "don't rush things, alright? the time and the place matters."

shubman nods, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. he hasn't felt this excited since he played his first international match. he feels adrenaline surge through his body.

he can hear the words "you can do it" each time his heart beats, just like he did in his first match.

"i think i'll do it on new year's eve," he says to surya.

"what will you do?" ishan asks, standing next to them.

shubman rubs the back of his neck uneasily. "uh, hard liquor?"

ishan sighs. "aw, man. too bad i'll miss it."

surya shoots him a confused look.

"vivan just called, i need to get back to india," ishan says.

shubman frowns. "is everything alright at home?"

"yeah, totally. it's, um, i'll tell you later. im leaving soon."

it's too fast for shubman to process. "wait, what? when are you leaving?"

"tomorrow, 8 a.m."

"so you're opting out from the series?" surya asks. "what's so urgent?"

ishan gives them a wry smile. "he wouldn't tell me either. but it's nothing worrisome, he says."

shubman's heart sinks a little. "but you're playing this series, ishu. he can't just call you away like that."

ishan avoids his eyes, chuckling. "hey, im sure it's important enough. or else he wouldn't want to be doing this either."

something's not right, shubman can tell. he inches closer to ishan. "hey, you can tell me, you know?"

ishan looks at him, finally meeting his eyes. "i know. im sorry we can't be together for new year," he whispers.

shubman lost all his excitement but he manages a smile. "facetime me."

ishan smiles back. "of course, i will."

-x-

author's note:

woohoo what do yall think is up with ishan?

a belated merry christmas to everyone! hope yall are enjoying the holidays. mujhe kya main toh science student hoon so i'll be crying through this year into the next. peace out.