…
[MABONTLE]
My gut wouldn’t lie. If this is what I think it is, then my whole world will come crashing down. I don’t know what it is about this balcony that calms my nerves but there’s always this breeze here coming from the mountains that has an ability to soothe my sorrows. My heart is heavy. If this is true, he’s probably with her as we speak – playing happy families. How could Fikani do this to me? I am convinced that this baby is his. No one can convince me otherwise; there is never smoke where there’s no fire. I am crying because of a lot of things right now, even those that occurred in the past. I hear a disembodied, unfamiliar voice approaching and I sit up – quickly wiping my tears.
‘London? In person? Err… I don’t think I’ll manage’
I finally get to see his face and immediately conclude that he’s family.
‘Uhm… Eden, please give me one second. Hi, are you okay?’ he asks.
That question. I hate it so much because it always reveals what’s true and what’s a façade whenever emotions are involved. I manage to keep it together though, or so I hope. He takes out a striped handkerchief from his pocket and hands it to me. It’s ironed and folded in squares.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asks. I receive it.
‘Thank you’ I wipe my tears. I don’t have the energy to answer his question though.
‘Mac’ he states and extends his hand. I shake it and immediately get embarrassed because I didn’t put much thought into that. I wouldn’t have touched him if I remembered that it is wet with my tears.
‘Mabontle. I’m so sorry. I—‘
‘It’s okay’ he assures and laughs but I can see by how he’s looking at that same hand that he’s slightly uncomfortable. He does look like one of those germophobe snobbish guys. He’s too neat and he reminds me of a colleague of mine named Lutendo.
‘So, what’s happening in London?’ I ask and he immediately laughs. He looks like them, especially when he laughs. The silence was about to get uncomfortable so I just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
‘Work’ his response is simple and remains just that.
‘Oh what do you do?’
‘Uhm…’ he struggles. What’s so difficult about saying what it is you do? It’s either he’s about to lie or he’s one of those modest types. ‘Crypto’ he says and swallows his lips. Am I making him uncomfortable?
‘You’re a Forex trader?’
He lets out breathy laughter.
‘I’m a blockchain quality engineer’ he finally answers and that hooks my interest. I’ve heard this from Masedi in one of our career chats. He then remembers that he’s on the phone.
‘Eden, hi. I’m so sorry man. I got distracted’
He blocks his speaker with his hand. ‘Please stop crying. I don’t think it’s good for the baby’ he says to me and gets back to his call.
‘Yeah yeah, I’m still here’ he walks away and I get my solitude back. This napkin has his scent on it and it’s going to aggravate my sinuses. I sneeze before I can finish the thought.
It’s getting nippy out here so I decide to go back inside.
I change into my pyjamas so I can sleep. I don’t think I can have supper and keep it down, I don’t even have an appetite.
He walks in when I’ve already concluded and stamped that he might not come back home.
‘Hey baby’ he greets and I just look at him.
‘What’s wrong?’
Since I don’t have the words, I take out my phone and show the photos to him. He looks surprised.
‘I can explain’
My heart immediately sinks. I was hoping it wouldn’t be true. He tries to touch me and I take several steps back.
‘I didn’t know she was pregnant. Even now, she never told me she gave birth’
‘Were you not with her right now?’
‘I told you I was meeting up with Stone and if I was with her, I wouldn’t have been back. She’s in GP and I’m here. I was only gone for two hours’
I don’t even know what to say. I can feel my bile boiling and rising.
‘If she has already given birth, then it means she got pregnant before me, right?’ saying it out loud solidifies the fact that our marriage is coming to an end.
‘It only happened once and I never spoke to her after that. I swear’
‘You looked me in the eye and lied with a straight face!’
‘I had no choice. You’re pregnant baby and—‘
He ducks to the floor when I throw the diffuser at him; like he knew it was coming. He ducks again when I throw the side lamp at him.
No, no and no. We’re not doing this again. I won’t allow him to patronize me but I am not doing this.
I walk to the closet and try to reach for my largest suitcase. He follows me inside.
‘Baby please listen to me and you’ll take your decision after that. I am begging you Bontle’
‘Please bring that down for me’ I ask, trying to be as polite as I can because I’m vertically challenged compared to him. He just looks at me and I look at him back. He raises his arm and brings my luggage case down. I wheel it out and go open it on the bed. Then go back to fetch a bunch of my clothes. He hugs me from behind and restrains my movement. I try to shrug him away and the fact that I can’t brings me to tears. I hate him!!
‘I’m really sorry my love. I swear it happened once! Making a baby wasn’t part of the plan but it happened’
‘You swore you didn’t know her! Fikani why??? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!’
‘As ugly as this sounds, I didn’t want you finding out about her. According to me, she was a thing of the past’
‘You cheated on me with her!’
‘I went to her to hand over the keys and one thing led to another. I didn’t mean to’
‘What keys?’
He goes quiet and sniffs my hair. I do a few breathing exercises, I’m not raising my BP over this. I am not putting my child in danger because of Fikani and his woman.
‘I’m calm. Let me go so we can talk properly’
I find my way out of his arms and climb the bed. I rest my head against the headboard and he joins me.
‘She called to congratulate me on the coronation and she happened to tell me that she’s house hunting. I wanted to apologize for all the crap I put her through so I went to see her so I can “sell” my house to her because she’s always loved it and where it’s located. She didn’t know that I was indirectly giving it to her’
Wow. Just…wow
‘How long has this person been in your life?’
‘Our situationship has been on and off since my first year out of varsity’
‘So I’m technically the side here? With a marriage certificate?’
‘Never! You’re everything to me. I wouldn’t have married you if you weren’t’
I get off the bed so I can continue packing. I fetch my wash bag along with more of my clothes – still sniffing back snot and crying my eyeballs out.
He tries to stop me and I stand back, remembering Larona’s prophecy.
‘Please let me go otherwise one of us is going to end up in hospital or at the morgue’
‘I did not mean to hurt you’ he sounds sincere but I know he’s lying through his teeth. He’s a special kind of bastard, he just debased our entire relationship. I tie my hair up after wearing my fleecy gown and slipper boots. I am leaving in my pyjamas, I don’t care.
‘Please zip this up for me’ I ask because I’m struggling.
‘Baby please. Nikhomeli ka baby. Please forgive me’ he tries to block me from leaving.
‘Don’t make me wrestle my way out of here because if I do and anything happens to my child, you will live to regret it’
He sighs and steps away.
‘At least let me help you?’ he yells after me and follows with his keys in hand. Everyone stands up when they see me trying to get my bag down from the stairs.
‘Baby please stop otherwise you’ll hurt yourself!’
‘Ku humelela yini manjhe? What is going on?’ Mhan Singi asks and tries to stop me. ‘My child, please. Whatever happened between the two of you I’m sure you can sort it out. This is not the way to do it. Please n’wananga’
If she took all these marriage advices and gave them to Fikani the same way she always does to me, I am certain we wouldn’t be here today. Unlike everyone here, Kuli doesn’t look surprised at all and I wonder why.
‘Please let me go’
Fikani takes the bag from me and I let him. I don’t want to be yelling at him in front of everyone here, I’ve received enough judgement from this family. Right now, I just wanna go home. The guest will have to forgive me for interrupting their happy reunion, I didn’t even ask how he’s family. I have my hot water bottle, phone and wash bag in my hands.
I walk out and Fikani follows me. He puts the bag in his car. I was intending on driving myself home but I’m afraid of driving at night so I throw myself at the back like I’d do in an Uber. I am not sitting in the front with him because he has a habit of caressing my thighs. Fikani is manipulative and I won’t give him the chance to play one of his tricks on me tonight. How can my heart continue loving someone so cruel? We arrive at my father’s place and the guard stands up to see what’s going on – with his hand reaching for something on his waist, which is most likely a gun. I step out of the car and his body language relaxes. Fikani takes out my bag from the boot and Dzovo comes to take it.
‘Princess’
He humbles himself when Fikani steps out of the car and salutes him, we both greet back. I give him the rest of my stuff and he takes them to the house.
‘You’re gonna get me killed by your father because you’re not even supposed to be out of the house at this time. You’re pregnant’
‘Please have my car brought here tomorrow morning’ I say and walk away.
‘Bontle? Baby???’
I continue walking away. I find my dad at the door, he was about to come out to see what’s going on. He’s also in pyjamas that match his loosely worn maroon gown. I fall into his arms and cry my lungs out.
‘My butterfly. What happened????’
I’m unable to speak, I even have hiccups now. He commands Dzovo to go back to the gate as he had left it unattended.
‘Please calm down and tell me what that boy did before I call a hit on him’
‘He… he…’ I try to explain but I run bereft of speech. ‘Yohhh papa…’
‘Okay; It’s okay. Hush now’ he hugs my head and just stands here with me while I wet his sleeping top. My heart is broken and bleeding onto my liver! I’ve seen flames in relationships before but what Fikani is showing me now is the backyard of hell.
CHAPTER 28
Start from the beginning
