Body in Flames; Home in Paradise (TGCF HuaLian)

Chapter 9

For a moment Xie Lian's mind goes blank, utterly, completely, blank. it's as though nothing is left inside his mind at all, nothing except the words.

'I have a beloved who is still in this world.'

'A beloved.'

'I have a beloved...'

'I have...'

Suddenly Xie Lian becomes aware of the way that his heart is racing, the way that his breath is coming far too quickly, of the way that time is passing as he stares and stares at Hua Cheng, and of the panic in the Ghost King's eye.

'Beloved..'

'I have a beloved...'

"San Lang do you... Do you mean... It's me?" His voice is shaking so badly he can barely get the words out.

He remembers now, remembers the little ghost fire who stubbornly refused to pass on and rest and peace for the sake of his noble gracious special beloved, remembers Wu Ming asking to release the spirits upon Yong'an himself in order to take revenge for his beloved's brutalization and suffering at the hands of the people of Yong'an, remembers a wall of little ghost fires trying desperately to warn him away from a certain ruined temple and a single furiously trembling ghost fire trapped in the hands of a man in a white half crying half smiling mask.

The memories are too much for him and Xie Lian doubles over on himself, his hands finally leaving Hua Cheng's forearms so that he can clutch them to his chest, his whole body shaking violently.

"Yes it's..." Hua Cheng begins only to cut himself off with a sharp gasp. "Your Highness? What's the matter? Forgive me. I didn't mean to upset you. Please forget I ever said anything..."

There's a raw aching sort of emptiness in Hua Cheng's voice and it pulls Xie Lian back to the present moment enough so that he can shake his head quickly.

"It's not, not what you said... It's just, the memories... I remembered... The temple..."

"Ah..." Out of the corner of his eye Xie Lian sees Hua Cheng reach for him, then hesitate, as though no longer sure if he is allowed to touch Xie Lian after what he's said, and Xie Lian wants to think about it, wants to focus enough to really take in and understand Hua Cheng's words, he does, but phantom screams echo in his ears and there's phantom pain in his chest and throat and stomach and...

"Your Highness, may I..." Hua Cheng sounds like he's in utter anguish and it's enough to finally get Xie Lian to raise his head and blinked the tears from his eyes --when had he even started crying-- so that he can look up at the Ghost King's agonized expression.

"Please...?" The word comes out of Xie Lian's mouth as shaky as the rest of him but it seems to be enough because Hua Cheng nods jerkily and leans forward, wrapping his arms around Xie Lian. His motions are stiff and hesitant at first, lacking his usual confidence, but when the god doesn't show any signs of pulling away he tightens his arms and it's everything Xie Lian needs.

Xie Lian burrows into Hua Cheng, leaning into him and burying his head against Hua Cheng's shoulder and just like that he feels his shaking start to ease because he's safe. He knows he's safe. He's safe with Hua Cheng, with Wu Ming, with Hong Hong'er, with San Lang, with the only person who has ever seen him at his worst and still stayed, with the only person who is proved over and over again that, no matter what happens, he will always be on Xie Lian's side.

It should be impossible. No one like that should exist. Xie Lian should always be alone, he knows that, for so many centuries he has known nothing but that, and yet... And yet here Hua Cheng is, holding him close and rubbing his back and telling him that he is not alone.