Ataraxia 平静 | Gojo Satoru

-'๑'-𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐-'๑'-

"Nuh-uh."

Principal Yaga's expression visibly dropped at my response.

"Yue, please liste—"

"No." I interjected bluntly, shaking my head from side to side.

I watched as he brought both hands to his face, rubbing his temples before he spoke again.

"You can't keep acting like this forever," he insisted, struggling to maintain a collected tone.

"Like what? You knew exactly what my answer would be," I countered with frustration.

I had assumed we'd moved past this. It had been well over a year since he last broached this topic. He had asked many times before, and each time received the same response: No.

I despised this question, dreaded it. Yaga understood this all too well, knew that teaching wasn't for me. That I wouldn't ever want that kind of responsibility.

I always shut him down before he could even start.

"You're a formidable sorcerer, a great asset among our ranks. We need people like you teaching our students, training them," he attempted to reason with me.

"I thought you understood where I stand," my words carried more hostility than intended.

He sighed. "I do, Yue. Truly, I understand," I scoffed at his words, and he pursed his lips, continuing, "But I also need you to understand that I want the best for you."

"You want the best for this school," I retorted, "Not for me. As it is your right. Your first duty is to the people."

He leaned back slightly, an expression of hurt darkening his features. I immediately felt the guilt twisting in my stomach like a rusted blade.

"You are a priority to me, Yue. You always have been and always will be. Yes, I have duties to this school and the world we're trying to protect," he caught my gaze again, "But believe me, you need this change. You need to step over that line."

Once more, I shook my head, lips drawn tight. My mind raced with a million thoughts, stampeding over my judgment like a herd of wild horses.

"I can't, Yaga. I won't. Not after all that happened, not after she—" I halted myself with a sharp inhale through my nose.

Yaga tensed on the other side, his features softening briefly. "I know. I know it will be difficult, and it will take time to adjust. I know what I'm asking isn't an easy task."

I sighed, shutting my eyes for a second before speaking again. "I just don't want that responsibility on my hands. I don't want my failure to cause the death of innocents. I'm not made for this."

"No one is. No one wants that. But, Yue, we all carry that responsibility already. From the moment we took on this job. From the moment we entered this world differently."

I tried to refute his reasoning, but his words denied any debate. I knew he was right; I understood what it meant to be a jujutsu sorcerer.

"It's not the same," I said, dropping my head against the chair's headrest. "I know I bear the responsibility for many lives," I massaged my forehead, "But teaching students is different. I'm not good at that."

"Maybe," Yaga replied quietly, prompting me to meet his eyes again. "But are you going to let one bad experience affect your life forever?"

One bad experience.

I squirmed in my seat at his words. He noticed the bitterness in my eyes, and I didn't attempt to conceal it.

He sighed in resignation. "Yue . . . Maybe you will suck at teaching. Maybe you will fail, and the students will hate you. Even if you're as inadequate as you say, at least allow yourself the chance to try."