Living in Mexico was hard at first, without any of my friends, and I don't know anyone except my uncle's family, we moved here for me to get diagnosed, it's always lonely, spending most of my time in the hospital, I sometimes wish that I take my diagnosis in Thailand, the reason I want to leave that place is also the reason I want to go back
I join Thailand School Star contest in 2019, that's where I met Fourth, he was a quiet kids, he don't talk much to others, he will stand on one corner without talking to others, he was very...how will I say, you know he was a very cute person, our personality was so different, he was an introvert while I'm extrovert who likes to make new friends, I will just play with them on the first meeting
But Fourth was different, he rarely talk to others, I want to talk to him and befriend him so he will not feel lonely, but I'm always getting nervous when I stay close to him, I prepared what I'll talk to him but forget it all when he's near me, so I always end up not talking to him and watching him from afar, but I'll watch he's evey move, what he did, where he go, whom he talk to, thinking it back, I feel like a stalker
We don't spend much time together during the contest, and he might not notice me before the final round, but for me, my eyes always search for him
Gmm signed us finalist to the company, we get vocal training, acting and many more, there I spend more time with him, I've got more attract towards him, but I still gets nervous and can't talk to him properly, but as spending together almost everyday, we got more closer and closer
When "My School President" series opened auditions, I was told to joined the audition, I've got nervous, acting is always my weak points, even in schools, I've always in the bottom for acting and I even failed once in my acting class
I was supposed to submit my resume to medical college, but luckily I've got a role in msp, I didn't expect it to be the main lead since my acting is not that great, but I was glad to get such a role, and later I heard that Fourth himself choose me to be his partner, the happiness I felt when I heard that was priceless
And I even got a support role in "moonlight chicken", the characters I'm taking 'Heart' was a person who lost his hearing, it's challenging for me whose acting is not a top notch, I need to learn sign language and not only that, I have to play it out together with my emotions, but Fourth was always there and support me, he is more natural in acting, he was also a newbie with not much experience, but he was still great
He will give his best in everything he does, he is someone who overthinks alot, he was afraid he will make a mistake, he will think about others before he think for himself, sometimes I told him to just let it be, to enjoy his life and think for himself, and do what makes him happy , but still, he will think about 'what if'
For me, I don't think much, I just do what I want to, enjoying everything I do, I hate pretending, so I just want people to see me as who I am, if they like me, that's great, but if they don't, that's their choice, I don't want to lose myself while trying to entertain others
When I was still in the industry, people may think what I did was fanservice, but everything I do was all from the heart, I genuinely show it
There used to be many clips where I watch Fourth attentively, that's sometimes I'm not aware of, and find out after watching fans edit and post
Fourth is an introvert but he's bolder on onscreen, he will flirt with me openly and say that he want me
At first, I thought that the feelings I have for Fourth was just pure admiration and love as a friend and brother, but that's not it, I like it when he flirt with me, saying that he wants me to be his boyfriend, hearing him say that always makes my heart race
All those flirts give me hope that I may have a chance with him, but I never have the courage to confess, I always try to turn those flirts as a joke cause I don't know how to response, no words will come out and blush will creep on my face
But as time goes on, he spent more time going out with his bo gang or Phi's from the company after every work, we don't get to spent much time together, but he will still be sweet and caring onscreen
I cherish every moment, the care and attention he gave me makes me all giddy
When the msp fanmeet was scheduled, I see that the last fanmeet will be held on October, so I want to surprise him, I made plans on head
We practice for fanmeeting and between the fanmeet, we have a concert too, and many events, we spent most of our time together for those months, we got to work early in the morning and go home late at night we need to work extra harder, it's tiring but I'm happy to spent my time with him
I'm thinking of asking him out after the msp fanmeeting, but I found out that I had heart disease before I have time to confess
But I atleast want to try asking him out for a date for once, so that I'll have no regret
I tried my best for the last fanmeeting, but my conditions doesn't help at all, but I want to do it great and leave a good memories
My bodies got weak day by day, I'm afraid it will affect the fanmeeting day, but maybe my prayers were answered, I'm in a good conditions on the fanmeeting day
We did our make up first and are told to get ready, but we don't have to hurry, I wait others to finish changing, they leave the room after changing, when all of them leave, I start changing myself, when I'm done, I look the watch and saw that there's still around 20 minutes, I want to talk to Fourth and ask him out tonight before the after party starts, I received a message from him before I text him, he said that he was on the rooftop, and told me to go there, he said he have something to tell me, P'Ohm and P'Perth has come to the changing room when I was about to leave, I know they're busy but they still make time and effort to support us
I told them that I need to talk to Fourth and that he told me to go to rooftop, we go up together while chatting, these two already know my feelings about Fourth, they always tease me when they get the chance, they tease me again even this time, but I'm glad they know the limit
When we reach the rooftop, door was close, but it wasn't lock, and I don't knock or call Fourth first since he told me to meet him up here, but the things I saw was not what I expected to see, tears were streaming on my face, my chest is tightening, and hard to breath, my legs lose its strength, if P'Ohm and P'Perth was not there, I don't know what will happen, I might fall down the step or collapse there near the door
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I tried to update on the 25th, but I can't finish it on time, I type and delete again and again, I am not satisfied by my storyline, but it's getting messier, so I'll just put it like this
And it's kinda boring, I'm sorry😅😅
And belated Merry Christmas*̣̥☆·͙̥❄‧̩̥࿌ིྀ྇˟͙☃️˟͙࿌ིྀ྇‧̩̥❄·͙̥̣☆*̣̥
Enjoy your day
