Middle Stark (Avengers and Lord of the Rings crossover)

2

"I'm uh, my name is Ivy," I introduced myself to the short, oddly dressed man. "Where am I?"

"In my woods," Tom Bombadil said. "Why are you here?"

"I was pushed," I said dryly.

"I have a feeling there's more to your story than that," he chuckled.

"No kidding. But you haven't answered me: where am I?" I persisted.

"I told you: my woods. Some call it the Old Forest," he said.

"Okay. But like-"

"Like? What do you like?" he interrupted.

"It's...a phrase. But where in the world am I?" I said. "Can you give me, like, a real answer?"

"The Shire is near here. So is Bree," he said. "You're in the West."

"The West, huh? You're a real helpful fellow, Mr. Tom," I said sarcastically.

"Thank you." He sounded sincere. Did he not understand sarcasm? Or did he think he was being funny? "Can I help you get anywhere, miss?" I considered for a moment.

"Um, I'm kind of lost. Do you know where I ought to go, as a lost girl?" I asked. No harm in asking - he seemed like a nice guy.

"You're human, right?" Tom asked. I laughed. What sort of a question was that?

"Of course!" I answered. "What else would I be?"

"You're short enough to be a hobbit," he said, his eyes twinkling. "But you're wearing shoes."

"Hey! I am not that short!" I argued, crossing my arms. "I'll let you know that I am 5'1." Then I realized what he was saying. "Wait. Are you serious, man? About hobbits?"

"What about them?"

"Like, thinking I might be one. Like they exist."

"We are near the Shire."

"The...Shire. The real Shire. Not just a coincidentally named town. The actual Shire where hobbits live." Suddenly, I began to feel dizzy. Tom cocked his head.

"I believe so, yes. Do you know of any others?" he answered, puzzled. "Are you not from around here?" 

"L-like I said, sir, I - I'm lost. Very, very lost, apparently," I said. "A-are we in Middle Earth, by any chance?"

"Yes. Where else would we be?" he answered, laughing.

"Earth earth," I said flatly. "The real earth. But who are you? I didn't see you in the movies."

"Movies?" Tom asked.

"Pictures. Moving pictu-oh. Are you in the books, not the movies?" I said, more to myself than him. He wouldn't know, as the fictional character. "Damn. Why didn't I read them! I'd have known where I was immediately!"

"Books? Movies?" Tom asked. He seemed very confused now. "Shall I take you home with me, Miss Ivy, to get your bearings? You seem rather confused."

"Well, yes! You're not real! You're a fictional character! I think," I exclaimed. "Truth be told, I have no clue who you are, but I bet you're in the books!"

"Ah. But I am here. So obviously I cannot be fictional," Tom told me. "You're here too: therefore you are not fictional."

"But Middle Earth doesn't exist!" I yelled.

"Who's to say 'Earth Earth' doesn't exist either?" Tom said, not arguing, just putting it out there. "If I may, I'd like to take you home to see my Goldberry. Perhaps she can help."